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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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The person he is seeing in the mirror might be his present self who he doesn't recognize anymore. Dementia seems to take recent memory first so some people forget how hold they are or what physical problems they may have or even how they look. If you expect to see your 40 year old self in the mirror and see instead an old man that is definitely an different person.
After my mother started having time disorientation, I placed a photo collage with images of her with other family members across the years. First image is a family photo with her parents and siblings, next one is her in high school with her best friend, next wedding photo, family photo with my brothers, extended family gathering, church family portrait, her with first grandchild, etc. all the way up to a photo with her youngest great-grandson in my home. I even framed an image of her broken femur to "explain" why her knee is working well anymore. It helps my mother reorient to present days. Perhaps something similar could help your husband, at least for a while?
Cover the mirrors or remove them for now. If you think about it, dementia is deleting current info from the brain and the older stuff remains. In his mind he may remember himself as a much younger man. Then he sees the old man in the mirror and it's just not a person he recognizes. This could also be created by seeing old family pics around the house. He sees his younger version and his brain says that's what he looks like now. Maybe take some newer pics of him and place in frames over the older pics and see if he understands that it is him.
Be careful. I've heard of men thinking the dude in the mirror is insulting them, and trying to punch them out, and end up slicing their hands to pieces on broken glass.
I covered up the mirrors my mother might see in passing - eg Contact stuck over the mirror on the back of the bathroom door. This was mostly because the sight of her poor old body upset her, not because she didn't recognise herself. But it might help to limit the number so that Dad understands that he is looking in a mirror, not catching sight of someone different.
Covering mirrors worked pretty well for my Mom when Dad saw another guy in the mirror. She left them covered for a short time, couple of months, then removed them and he didn't even notice. This is just one aberration, of which there are a few, that you will have to contend with.
So, just hang in here. It's tough, I'm sure, as I am now dealing with my Mom's dementia. I think the worse stage is when they start accusing you of all kinds of mistreatment or collusion. I've found that the best thing to do is to just agree with them or say you understand and that you'll take care of it.
Meet him where he is. The two of you in front of the mirror..ask him "who do you see"? Touch your face in the reflection. If he sees someone else, look at him up close..who do you see? If he sees you as someone else.."it is ....your daughter and wait for the answer and repeat with a hug. What he has seen in the mirror...ask him who it is and see if you can take him into the past and then back to the present with reality. If he identifys the person he sees in the mirror. Yes Daddy she or he is in heaven now. If he wants more info you have a conversation going. You have to try to get into his delusional world. He needs your "contact" with "you".
Thank you all who posted on this. My husband is not there, yet... but seems to accuse me daily of infidelity with that guy he sees around. I have a feeling... Will tell him thats' the guy who trims the trees, the horseshoer you hired?????
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
After my mother started having time disorientation, I placed a photo collage with images of her with other family members across the years. First image is a family photo with her parents and siblings, next one is her in high school with her best friend, next wedding photo, family photo with my brothers, extended family gathering, church family portrait, her with first grandchild, etc. all the way up to a photo with her youngest great-grandson in my home. I even framed an image of her broken femur to "explain" why her knee is working well anymore. It helps my mother reorient to present days. Perhaps something similar could help your husband, at least for a while?
I try to talk him out of it. I try to keep him distracted when he is in that zone.
So, just hang in here. It's tough, I'm sure, as I am now dealing with my Mom's dementia. I think the worse stage is when they start accusing you of all kinds of mistreatment or collusion. I've found that the best thing to do is to just agree with them or say you understand and that you'll take care of it.
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