I have always been an active person with several hobbies...
I can take time for myself and do it. But I don't feel like doing anything. I plan knitting a new jumper or going out to take photos or cook something special. But then I just lay on the couch doing nothing at all, not even watching TV.
My therapist says I should force myself but I just don't feel like. I didn't even get dressed today.
Any tips to share?
I have read yesterday something about compassion fatigue... I feel like being in the zombie phase.
I am not even angry or depressed...
:)
you said you’re italian.
i think probably you’ve been through a lot of stress.
you need a break. ideally a vacation, even if it’s at home.
a break from problems, from caring for others.
i hope you can hire people who can help, so you can take a break.
big hugs to you!
i bet you’ve done amazing things for your mother. your loving mother would want you to live your life, blossom.
she wouldn’t want your life to get ruined.
many of us are in similar situations. somehow, you need to get away.
hug!!!!
Sì sono italiana, abito non lontano da Venezia.
I just can't disconnect my brain, even if we live upstairs and downstairs it is the same house.
I have been away for 3 days in August, but I was calling home the lady I hired or she was calling me everyday.
I couldn't sleep.
I am waiting for the social worker to come and evaluate my mum to look for a facility.
But I wonder what I can do in the meantime, I never felt so zombie like, like having lost all interests and being too tired even to cry or being resentful.
io ho vissuto a padova e venezia. (i lived in padova and venice).
hugs and courage!
great you went away 3 days: but i understand, it wasn’t - really - away. still phone, stress.
i hope soon things improve. when stress is lifted/reduced, i’m sure your joy of life will return.
too many problems…we must make sure we don’t drown.
courage.
we must get rid of problems, step by step.
bundle of joy
I've heard Saffron helps, this one to be exact:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BLNB1X0/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Do you have any idea how long it will be before you mom can go to the care home? By the way is that your pet bunny in your profile picture? Very cute.
i think it’s simply too many problems on one’s shoulders. decrease the number of problems.
hug!!
Thank you for your reply. I hope the social worker and the nurse will come this coming week. I am working at home next week as the home aid has gone on holidays.
I do not know how long it will take to find a facility for my mom.. Could be months. I will have a week off and my husband too next month we are planning to go one day somewhere together. I will turn 50 on the 17th October... But I really do not feel like celebrating..
I will check the link you kindly sent.
Yes the bunny is our pet, his name is Leone as he is partially a lion head bunny.
I can only tell you what I did that helped me and maybe some of it can work for you.
Every day I acknowledged my feelings. I didn't try to push them down and pretend they weren't there. I also reminded myself daily that the way I felt wasn't always so for me. That because there was other times in my life when I was fine, there would be again.
The one thing that I made myself do was to deliberately notice something beautiful every day. Even if I was laying in my bed, I'd look at the clock on my bedroom wall. It's a nice clock with pink roses on it. I'd look at the sky and it's beautiful. Or take a walk and just notice people's lawns or trees and that time was for me. All I had to do is notice these beautiful things. I wasn't being a caregiver or a person with depression. For that time I was just a person looking at beautiful nature. It helps. It took a long time but I gave myself a break. I understood that I don't have to be everything to everyone. You don't either. Then I finally was able to start clawing out of the hole.
Please buy a book called 'The Comfort Book' by Matt Haig. It's not a self-help book and you'll read it in one day.
You'll come back to yourself. in the meantime I hope you find some beauty every day.
I know what you are feeling. My husband has had dementia for five years. This has progressed over the last year with the pandemic. I had lost interest in many of the things I used to love to do. Our doctor suggested that I put him in daycare a couple of days each week. We visited a beautiful center, but they felt that his dementia was too advanced for them to take him. I have hired a woman from an agency to come three days a week for four hours at a time. This has helped and gives me a little free time each week to shop, have lunch with a friend, etc. I trust his caregiver and for those few hours I know he is safe and taken care of. My husband does not remember our children. I don't think he remembers me, I'm just always here. Get some help and take care of yourself. Even a few hours away helps. This is a wonderful place to vent. Everyone here is more or less in the same situation. Hugs to you.
I wish I had insight for you but I can't force myself to do things if I don't feel like it, either. I end up getting more frustrated. One thing I started doing during caregiving was asking myself, "What's the most difficult thing I could tackle right now?" Some days it was getting in the shower. And if I can do that one thing, step by step, just going through the motions, then I could start to do other things.
I'm sorry for how you're feeling and I get it so well, as do others here. Take it easy on yourself and maybe you need some down time for now, too. It's ok to take some time to do nothing productive. Watching positive videos, talks, or reading helpful and inspirational material during some down time could help. Watch comedies. Get yourself laughing. 😁 It really is good medicine.
I like the tips you're getting here! Great thread! 💙💜
it also helps to laugh.
if you can find some nice, funny people anche, who can make you laugh a bit…
or some funny movies.
we all need to laugh a bit.
and if possible, get rid of stress, step by step.
for example, in my case, we hired people. recently, i found great caregivers. this reduces stress a bit.
try to decrease the number of problems. joy of life will return.
be careful who surrounds you. people drag you down, or lift you up.
many people want to drag others down.
hug!!
I have restarted to go to the gym for my fitkarate classes... I think this will help.
Aniche 71, please make sure you practice self care.
Taking care of my mom and having her well being uppermost in my mind was my motivation for so long that after her death I just almost disintegrated. It was like that nagging anxiety about her and her health was my biggest motivation for so long that when it wasn't there anymore my whole body just did one big heavy sigh and stopped. It's been over six years now and it still hasn't really started again. I have to mentally jump start myself most days.
As someone so adroitly said you just have to decide you are going to do it, (whatever it is) and do it even if your whole mind and body are screaming "Why bother" I've heard doctors say that sedentary life styles are the new smoking.
My advice would be start small. Give yourself a goal of some kind. For instance I've recently started not eating after 7 pm. Which means if I were to sleep in too late I'd have to scramble to get all my nutrition for the day within a smaller time frame. Just something as small as that helps me get out of bed.
I know this is hard. Believe me. I've been there and still am in a lot of respects.
You may also be feeling burnout. It might be time for you to have a respite of a couple weeks. Consider it a vacation or mental health break. Use the time to sleep, eat healthy, get in some walks outdoors, listen to music that energizes you... You may find your zest for life returning after a respite.
"Good actions create good thoughts."
Not the other way around. We can't 'think' ourselves into a better frame of mind; we have to ACT our way into a better frame of mind. Which means that sometimes we have to go out there and DO something, even when we don't feel like it, and we can wind up feeling better as a result of taking that action.
I realize that's an over-simplification of something that's deeper rooted and a lot more serious, which is likely depression. Depression is no joke and normally requires treatment/medication, etc. So if you're clinically depressed, forcing yourself out to take a walk is likely not going to solve the issue. But it MAY make you feel a bit more hopeful for the moment, you know?
For me, I am feeling compassion fatigue these days. For 64 years, my mother has used me as her sounding board and scratching post. I feel exhausted from it, both mentally and physically, because there are days I do not want to get up from bed. I can sleep for 10 hours and wake up feeling exhausted, wondering what 'crisis' she will invent for today that will leave me feeling anxious. I'm also tired of drumming up 'compassion' for a woman who exhibits none of it herself. Her crisis du jour is that she's very very very depressed, but can't remember ever being depressed before. I distinctly remember chronic depression from her for 60+ years and her threats of suicide for at least as long. So the other night, I found myself listening to her loud sobbing on the phone for a good 10 minutes with no reaction at all. I may as well have been listening to the drone of a lawnmower.
Unlike you, I AM angry and somewhat depressed; from living like this for far too long. For expecting things from myself on a daily basis that nobody should ever expect of themselves. Constant unwavering patience; never feeling angry or aggravated, even after having my phone blown up over and over again; feeling an endless well of compassion for someone who never shows it herself; always having a smile on my face when I want to frown; taking care of a huge pile of endless finances that I really have no head for, and on and ON.
So, for today, I will put all of this angst aside and go out and enjoy the beautiful Fall weather. I may pop into my favorite thrift store to see if I can hunt up a treasure. I may not. I don't know. I do know I will not dwell on what's bothering me for a few hours but just try to focus on what I'm grateful for. Sometimes I have to think about it long and hard. But there is a lot to BE grateful for, I know. And then I will speak to my doctor at my appointment next month about getting on an anti depressant or anti anxiety medication because it may be time to do that. It's not a sign of weakness but a sign of being too strong for too long.
We shouldn't allow ourselves to exist in a zombie phase; we're worth a whole lot more than that.
Wishing you the best of luck taking care of YOU; you're worth it.
I am so glad I am back to fit karate where I can kick and hit the punching bag! I have bought one but am not able to use it alone at home ...