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My is Jim February of 2026 I flew into Michigan to help with my dad he was not feeling well after 5 days just helping he asked me to cancel my flight to go home it was supposed to be just a short trip nothing serious I took him to the hospital in 10 days he passed away I'm a very aggressive cancer. My mother is 91 years old and cannot take care of herself she needs help I close my house in Florida and move back to Michigan to take care of my mom you may be scratching your head and thinking when I just take her to Florida we'll have six brothers and sisters and they don't want her to go to Florida so because of expenses I can't buy another house so we rented a two bedroom apartment no steps. Now back to my six brothers and sisters who think it's a horrible thing not seeing her mother when they want there's only three that come around and help and the help is an hour at a time maybe 2 hours. Sometimes I think about wanting my life back then I feel guilty about thinking like that. Then I think it sure would be nice to have acknowledgement from the brothers and sisters , a thank you goes a long way right? Selfish of me to want that?

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Well Jim, I hate to say it but just because you decided to give up the life you knew for your parents, doesn't mean that your siblings have to also give up theirs.
And since you stepped up, why would they even need to as they think you have it all under control right?
We see and hear this exact situation all the time here on Aging Care about one sibling doing all the work for their parent(s) while the rest just get on with living and enjoying their lives.
And to be honest I don't believe that any parent in their right mind would want any of their children giving up their lives for them.
Your mom is 91 and has lived a good long life. If her care is now too much for you perhaps it best that you and her look into getting her placed in an assisted living facility where she'll receive the 24/7 care she now requires and you can get back to just being her loving son and not her burned out and overwhelmed caregiver.
Remember...this is a choice that you and you alone have made, so don't be mad at your siblings because they've not made the same choice as you.
I do hope you'll seek some good therapy so you can get to the bottom of why you think it has to be you that has to do the hands on caregiving now for your mom when there are other good options out there for her....and you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Jim, tell your siblings that you have helped out for six months and now you'll be returning to your life in Florida. Don't be apologetic about it; you have nothing to be sorry for. But you and your siblings need to come up with another plan for your mother.

She can stay in the apartment with your siblings all taking turns to help her. She can stay in the apartment with hired help. She can move in with one of your siblings. She can rotate living with your siblings. She can move to assisted living, memory care, or a skilled nursing facility.

Does anyone have her POA?
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Reply to MG8522
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I’m sorry for the loss of your father and all you’ve been through. Not quite sure why the care of your mother falls mostly to you though. Is it because you’re the dependable one out of the siblings? Or you felt like you needed to assume the responsibility? In any case, the arrangement isn’t working, you’re burning out and don’t have enough help. A burned out caregiver is no good to anyone. Who, if anyone, is mom’s POA for healthcare and/or financial decisions? Is she capable of making these decisions for herself? Time for a family meeting to come up with a new plan. Be firm that the plan is no longer you providing care, don’t accept guilt or blame in this, it’s not your fault at all. Your siblings have been led to believe you were good with this. See if you can work together to decide a new plan for mom, if not, let the siblings know the date you’ll be returning to your home and go in peace. Mom needs assisted living or nursing home level care, or perhaps memory care, at the least she needs help in addition to family members. I wish you healing and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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So, if you had not been the option would not at least one of the siblings helped your Mom? And why is a male expected to take care of Mom, not the sisters.

Do you still have your house in Fla?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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[ Moderators, please relocate to Questions section, thx ]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your Dad. Kudos to you for stepping into the gap to care for your Mom.

Tell your siblings that as of Sept 15th you are done living with your Mom and providing 100% of the care. Someone else will need to step up and care for her. You are retiring from it. Don't give any reason other than you're done doing it. If you give them a reason they will pressure or negotiate with you. You are NOT selfish for wanting your life back. And, if your Mom has all her mind she'd want you to have your life back, too.

If your Mom doesn't have funds to cover a AL facility contact social services for her county to see if there are any options for her.
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Reply to Geaton777
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