I have been taking care of my mom all of my life. She is 55 and I am 33. I have never really been able to live on my own except for a few short periods here and there that didn't last long because of issues she was having. I went to college but struggled through it because I had to work either PT or FT while attending classes FT since she doesn't work. Because of this, I also had to go into a lot of debt to pay all the bills, which caused my credit score to suffer for many years. The last 8 or 9 years have been the worst. I really think she has paranoia from everything I've looked up. But of course I have no way to get it checked because she'll never go to a doctor. She thinks that everyone is out to get her and that people are following her. If we're out and, for example, there's a helicopter flying around, she thinks they're looking for her because she left the house. She says the phones are all tapped and that there are cameras everywhere. She has seen cameras come out of the toilet, out of the sinks and says they are buried in the walls, especially in the bathroom. If we go anywhere, she says the people following her have all conspired against her to spread lies about her, and to get the employees to follow her or put cameras in public bathrooms to watch her. So anywhere we go - grocery store, restaurant, mall - she says "they know" and will always find camera holes in a wall or ceiling. We have lived in several different apartment complexes because she keeps getting us either kicked out, or told we aren't able to renew the lease. She believes all the neighbors are evil and out to get her, so she'll behave very aggressively and antagonize people just enough to not actually do anything harmful, but enough to look like she will and therefore make everyone angry. I've tried to explain to a few landlords that she has a mental health issue, but it's always backfired so I stopped doing it. One landlord told my mom what I said, and so that obviously put more strain on our relationship to where she suspected I was out to get her and constantly accused me. Another landlord said that since her paranoia wasn't documented, there wasn't anything they could do. My mom will absolutely not go to a doctor because she doesn't believe there's anything wrong. And if I suggest it, she thinks "they" must've put me up to it and will start accusing me again. She just got into another argument with a neighbor where we live now and they called the police on her. I'm afraid this is going to end up the exact same way yet again. I want to buy a house so that this doesn't keep happening, but I've only been able to build my credit back up to "average" rating at the moment. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired. This has been my entire life. I don't have family to go to because all of the relationships are strained because of how aggressive and angry my mom gets. And I don't have any friends that understand any of what I'm going through. My mom won't get help and it just seems like it's getting worse as the years go by. I'm so depressed and just want to give up. Has anyone dealt with someone who has paranoia? I just feel so alone like there's no hope, only suffering and pain for the rest of my life. If anyone has any suggestions, I could really use them right now. Thank you.
You are young to have to continue to sacrifice your life. I am not sure exactly what you should do but from a pure feeling I think your mother needs to reside in a facility and you need to get your life back.
I know she will not want to go along with this but she is destoying all aspects of both of your lives. If you continue to reside with her as you have been I understand how hopeless you will feel.
I don't know if an initial ultimatum to her regarding her getting on medication to control destructive behavior or she is on her own will work but I feel you have been a doormat for her and she is obviously destroying anything positive you work to achieve which will continue if significant changes are not made.
I do hope others here offer advice on possible agencies that might help you. I simply am stating that no matter how difficult the process may seem you need to get your life back and that is most likely one that is living without your mother due to behavior she exhibits which constantly undermines all your efforts to survive.
I think that to have achieved an "average" credit rating in the light of the burden you've been carrying must be seen as a tribute to your determination and sheer hard work.
First, you are right to respect your mother's rights, including her right to accept or refuse treatment.
Yes, there's a but.
Respecting a person's rights is not the same thing as always complying with her wishes, and particularly not when she is need of help with her mental health. She is not able to make rational decisions because she is mentally ill, so the correct thing to do is to make the decision for her. Not least because, God willing, this will set her on a path that will eventually make her *able* to regain control of her life, not to mention be a generally happier and better functioning human being.
Exactly how you go about bringing mental health interventions to someone who is refusing them will depend on your local services. Back in a minute...
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This is so sad. If your Mom had seeked help years ago, she would have not had to go thru all she has. I hope you can get the help u both need.
Your life will never get any better if you stay on the path you are on now. I think you know that, and that's why you reached out with your question. Things have to change. Perhaps it's time to get mom into a mental health facility, so she can be properly diagnosed, and get the help she needs. Then you must get some therapy for yourself, so you can start living the life God has for you, away from your mom, and all the negativity that surrounds you. There is hope out there, but only you can decide to make the changes necessary for you to have a better life. You have done more than enough for your mom, and now it's time that you put yourself first. You already know that living with your mom is not healthy nor good for your mental health, so please, please, please, don't ever take her back in, even after and when she gets the help she needs. You deserve so much better, and I hope and pray that with therapy you will learn to see that. God bless you as you go forward in the life God has for you.