Hello, so here's my problem. When I was a kid, my mom split, and I ended up taking care of my siblings since I was the oldest. It was just me, my sis, and bro. Growing up, I fell hard for this guy, like for a whole decade. But he had this annoying habit of breaking up with me every now and then, and each time, it messed me up big time. Like, I'm talking deep depression for months. Eventually, we managed to make things work, and we had some amazing times together. I always begged him not to put me through that heartache again because it brought back all the crap from my past, and I needed to feel safe with him, you know? And I made it clear, cheating was a deal-breaker. But then, just five months into our marriage, I caught him chatting up some other girl. Cue the massive fight. Then, just two weeks later, my sister up and moved abroad after getting married, and things went downhill from there. I started picking fights with my husband all the time, and they'd always escalate to the extreme. I felt constantly on edge, crying non-stop, not sleeping, barely eating. If he stormed out during an argument, I'd freak out, terrified he'd leave me for good. He wouldn't listen, and it was like I was talking to a brick wall. Then one day, we had this huge blowout. He started threatening me he is divorcing me and I just couldn't handle it, so I threatened to spill the beans about his cheating. Now he's all bent out of shape, saying I disrespected him, and he won't even talk to me. And here I am, feeling completely lost can’t even identify what my problem is.
Also this is a caregiver forum, not dear Abby.
It's very sad. So find yourself a good therapist that deals with past hurts, do the hard work it'll take to heal and get on with living and enjoying your life.
And yes this is a caregiver forum, so please start taking better "care" of yourself.
If you want just a lame opinion from a silly old 81 year old I am good for that. I have a bunch.
1. You are not ready to love someone until you are HAPPY and WHOLE with yourself and in your own being, and strong enough to not "need" anyone else. (File this under identifying a problem: You do not feel strong in yourself, by yourself, for yourself and of yourself ALONE).
2. You know all along as you go along in a bad relationship that it is going to end off the deep end.
You know it in your deepest, most protective inner being, and that inner being attempts all the time to tell you so, and you full well know when you are ignoring your inner voice. (File this one under identifying a problem: you aren't LISTENING to your own inner wisdom).
That's it for wisdom. I have had and survived a FEW bad bouts in 81 years as you can imagine.
As for what I recommend going forward, not a Forum (and this one is aging care, so wrong off the bat) of people marinating in their bad relationships, but a GOOD therapist. One that shakes you up. A cognitive therapist who will point you to new paths and away from the self harm of habitual ways of stirring a stew.
Good luck. It can be a long life. And it's a learning curve to be sure. And some of us have to learn the hard way. But all in all it's the trip of a lifetime.
Just wanted to offer my support to you and tell you that I am sorry that you have experienced these things in your life.
Wishing you all the best and sending a hug to you.
Please seek help from someone you can trust and like mentioned 'care for yourself'.
A lot of people here had or have been left behind by their parent or both parents, Emotionally and physically, when they get older they come back into our lives and we end up here on the support group trying to figure it all out.
I hope you get things worked out. You can read up here anyway, you could probably find something that you relate to. No crime in that.
Take care.
Check out BetterHelp.com and talk to an actual therapist.