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MIL called me said she pulled the string for help two hours ago. I went there, she was soaked in urine. I pulled the second room string, which was ignored. An hour later, I called the facility from inside her room and then they came.
You are going 3 separate times a day to your MIL's ALF? That's a lot! Even once a day, for me, would be a deal breaker. Your life is centered around her. Does DH go with you or are you expected to handle this on your own.
It does sound like MIL is requiring a much higher level of care than is being provided. Since DH is meeting with the head of the facility, I HOPE he can be tough and firm with his discussion as to the greater need for care. Probably she needs to be evaluated for a place that is more on task. She isn't capable of getting herself to the toilet, she drops food (and I daresay, a lot of other stuff) and she cannot keep her living quarters clean? She's definitely not cut out for independent living.
Good Luck. I can feel your anxiety for the weekend visit in your post. I hope things get settled!
An hour is a long time. Too long. (I don't wish to ignore the 2 hours MIL stated but just going on what you actually saw yourself).
Staffing here is being impacted by yet another Covid wave - not just staff illness but staff burn out & staff leaving the sector permanently. Little immigration for 2 yrs now means less new staff into training courses & being ready for recruitment. It was on our news just last night.
Q Ask Management about the call time response & reasons. Q Ask about staffing level/issues. Q Ask about her care level needs.
What I would do focus on what I could change for now. * Could MIL be more independent with changing pads/pants if easier item, or easier to manage clothing? * Ensure MIL can press her call bell (appears yes). * Ensure she is provided with the most absorbent type of incontinence pads/pants. * If this incontinence is new - seek medical advice (UTI?) * If not new, but ongoing & MIL's needs are more than a few pop in visits a day, consider if the AL setting is still the right level of help for her.
Maybe she needs to be moved to a nursing home. I have my mother in AL, she is able to do for herself at age 97. The AL's I've been exposed to do not give the care that she seems to need.
Thank you but as I said, the Medicaid case manager will not approve a nursing home. I know she is not getting the correct care, the whole family knows it. I was asked by my husband to quit my job to take care of her but I can no longer do it. I said no which has caused some fights. She is going downhill fast there.
No. A three-hour wait for someone to get a diaper change is completely unacceptable on every level wherever they are. Assisted living may not be the right place for your MIL. If she's in diapers and not allowed to eat in the dining room anymore because she slops food all over the place, she needs upgraded care. A nursing home or memory care facility. The AL is obligated to inform you of this and help you find an appropriate facility where her needs can be met. As for the Medicaid case manager who will not approve a nursing home. Your MIL's doctor is the one who determines what level of care she needs. Not the caseworker. Also the caseworker has a supervisor. Go to them. Speak to your state's Ombudsman's office too if you need to.
As for the worker 'dressing you down' for bringing the apples. Oh, no, no, no. You do not allow that for one damn second. Thr AL facility is not letting your MIL stay there for free out of the goodness of their hearts. They are getting paid. Look through whatever paperwork was given when your MIL was moved into the AL facility. There should be documents plainly stating exactly what services they provide to a resident and what they do not. After you have reviewed this, you and your family need to become a total nuisance to that AL and make the lives of the administration of that facility a living hell. Make them do the jobs they are getting paid every week to do. You would do well to take pictures of her filthy room before bringing in your own hired help to clean it. The AL staff is supposed to be providing housekeeping. I worked in an AL years ago. In fact, I was a shift supervisor. Our policy was that the residents had to be able to independently dress themselves and be able to walk (canes were fine but walkers were not allowed). Bathing assistance was offered, but not diaper or pull-up changes. If a resident was at the point where they were incontinent and sitting in it, they were supposed to leave our facility. The place got in trouble because the administration was allowing residents to remain who needed a higher level of care yet not providing the care the needed. This could be what's going on in your MIL's facility. There is likely other residents who need as much care as her or more who aren't getting it. This AL needs to be snitched on to the state and shut down until they clean their act up. As for hubs thinking you should be taking care of his mother. Oh, HELL no. I don't think so. Please don't get talked into moving her in with you.
There are 4 siblings, one is a junkie out west, one is in the military oversees and the sibling who helps father in law is in their home on hospice with cancer, actively dying. I would feel bad asking for help.
Husband should be here in about an hour. He said we need to discuss her care. I agree but she can not come back without care. I am dreading this discussion.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It does sound like MIL is requiring a much higher level of care than is being provided. Since DH is meeting with the head of the facility, I HOPE he can be tough and firm with his discussion as to the greater need for care. Probably she needs to be evaluated for a place that is more on task. She isn't capable of getting herself to the toilet, she drops food (and I daresay, a lot of other stuff) and she cannot keep her living quarters clean? She's definitely not cut out for independent living.
Good Luck. I can feel your anxiety for the weekend visit in your post. I hope things get settled!
Staffing here is being impacted by yet another Covid wave - not just staff illness but staff burn out & staff leaving the sector permanently. Little immigration for 2 yrs now means less new staff into training courses & being ready for recruitment. It was on our news just last night.
Q Ask Management about the call time response & reasons. Q Ask about staffing level/issues.
Q Ask about her care level needs.
What I would do focus on what I could change for now.
* Could MIL be more independent with changing pads/pants if easier item, or easier to manage clothing?
* Ensure MIL can press her call bell (appears yes).
* Ensure she is provided with the most absorbent type of incontinence pads/pants.
* If this incontinence is new - seek medical advice (UTI?)
* If not new, but ongoing & MIL's needs are more than a few pop in visits a day, consider if the AL setting is still the right level of help for her.
Might want to check this out.
People love telling -- others -- to do the caregiving.
I may go above the case managers head. Sounds to me this is not the place for Mom and she needs to be evaluated for a different level of care.
Assisted living may not be the right place for your MIL.
If she's in diapers and not allowed to eat in the dining room anymore because she slops food all over the place, she needs upgraded care. A nursing home or memory care facility. The AL is obligated to inform you of this and help you find an appropriate facility where her needs can be met.
As for the Medicaid case manager who will not approve a nursing home. Your MIL's doctor is the one who determines what level of care she needs. Not the caseworker. Also the caseworker has a supervisor. Go to them. Speak to your state's Ombudsman's office too if you need to.
As for the worker 'dressing you down' for bringing the apples.
Oh, no, no, no. You do not allow that for one damn second. Thr AL facility is not letting your MIL stay there for free out of the goodness of their hearts. They are getting paid.
Look through whatever paperwork was given when your MIL was moved into the AL facility. There should be documents plainly stating exactly what services they provide to a resident and what they do not.
After you have reviewed this, you and your family need to become a total nuisance to that AL and make the lives of the administration of that facility a living hell. Make them do the jobs they are getting paid every week to do. You would do well to take pictures of her filthy room before bringing in your own hired help to clean it. The AL staff is supposed to be providing housekeeping.
I worked in an AL years ago. In fact, I was a shift supervisor. Our policy was that the residents had to be able to independently dress themselves and be able to walk (canes were fine but walkers were not allowed). Bathing assistance was offered, but not diaper or pull-up changes. If a resident was at the point where they were incontinent and sitting in it, they were supposed to leave our facility.
The place got in trouble because the administration was allowing residents to remain who needed a higher level of care yet not providing the care the needed.
This could be what's going on in your MIL's facility. There is likely other residents who need as much care as her or more who aren't getting it.
This AL needs to be snitched on to the state and shut down until they clean their act up.
As for hubs thinking you should be taking care of his mother. Oh, HELL no. I don't think so. Please don't get talked into moving her in with you.
Husband should be here in about an hour. He said we need to discuss her care. I agree but she can not come back without care. I am dreading this discussion.
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