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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Lynn, Delay the move? Can you wait a bit and get in home care for now? The homes are being restricted as to visitors due to the Covid-10 virus and flu season.
In Nova Scotia once you get a call from your case worker you have to accept or decline bed within 24 hours. If you refuse you are taken off placement for three months and then you have to start all over. I think she will be confused as to why and where she is and why she can't be home. Yet most times she is looking to go home. I worry about everything from her care to her to being upset. I think many it's going to be hard to leave her there.....but right now she needs 24hr care due to her demintia and being a very high fall risk.
I know that seems contradictory, but they're different things. One is a seething cauldron of emotions. The other is the To Do list - a very present help in time of trouble.
You have to, for example: • write a comprehensive packing list • complete all laundry, sew on name tapes, mark shoes and other personal belongings • work out a schedule for moving day, so that you can see at a glance what's next from when you get up to when you get home without having to think much or decide anything. • plan, shop for, and cook at least four days' meals for at least two people. Preferably including one person's all-time favourites :) • collate a folder of Mom's information - from food preferences to usual sleeping position to what she likes to be known as to daily routine etc etc etc. - to go into your mother's room. • make sure the car's in good order.
All of this is going to make for an action-packed four-five days. And for your mother's benefit, keep busy, keep smiling, and let them be good, productive days.
You can fall asleep on your feet on Monday evening.
It's the same in Ontario, but we get 72 hours. I have to admit that I bawled for 24 hours and then declined mom's first placement, but that was early days and I hadn't had the opportunity to wrap my head around her sudden decline.... it was several years later and after reaching total burn out that I finally got her into a crisis bed (my crisis - I never knew it was even possible to jump the queue the way we did). It's hard hard hard to give up control and to entrust them to someone else but you know you can't keep doing what you have been doing. It won't ever be perfect but it WILL be okay, you can do this ((HUGS)).
Aw Lynn, If you are this upset you obviously love your mom dearly and I would assume that means you've done everything you can for her up to this point right? So rest easy. Know you are doing the right thing and shore up your emotions so you can be supportive of her as she transitions to this new level of care.
I've been where you are and I know it's so hard. In time you'll know in your heart you did what's best for your mom and for you and then you can visit her, then go home and get the rest you probably really need.
Come back here often and we'll virtually hug you when you need it.
First of all, big hug!! I just placed my mom on March 3 in LTC and honestly don’t know how it got to be March 13th!! Many, many emotions and tears but I’m feeling better and Mom is adjusting fast and doing well. Her mind is stimulated there and not so much a fall risk anymore because someone’s always around to help her. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My Mom is my rock and best friend. Thankfully, I feel this is a very good LTC, I hope your Moms is too. I do know there will be bumps in the road and probably lots of them. I’m just taking one day at a time and resting up, trying to clear my own brain. I know how this rips your heart open! Your heart WILL get better when you realize this is the best thing for your mom. I think if you cry cry cry your heart out and get your emotions out, you’ll feel better like I did but give yourself time and don’t beat yourself up about crying ! I HATE YOU DEMENTIA!!
Bella7 did your mom know she was going into a home?? My mom does not know as she will get upset because she doesn't realize she can't be left alone due to falling however most days she is looking to go home . She can't dress herself cook or anything. When she even washer her face I need to stand behind her as she will fall backwards. I'm 51 married we both work full time. How did you get through the first few days??
This is a very sad transition indeed. You love her, and are doing the right thing. Please keep it in mind that she needs 24/7 supervision to prevent something tragic from happening (wander outside in the middle of the night, slipping on ice, breaking her hip, then freezing to death while you are asleep and unaware). You did this for her social well-being and her safety. She will adapt and possibly make friends. She may (or may not depending on severity of dementia) get reacquainted with other elderly that she may have known years ago. Big hugs for you. 💩on dementia.
It’s for the best & you’ll be her advocate & visit her when restrictions are lifted. Meanwhile, call Staff Dietician on floor to tell what her dietary restrictions or likes/dislikes are. Tell them what challenges you faced when taking care of her & any helpful advice you can give. Make sure she has enough clothes & nitegowns. You’ll probably do care plan meeting by phone. It will probably be a harder adjustment for you. Hugs 🤗
Answer these Am I doing this for the "right" reasons? Will she be safer? Will I be safer? Will they be able to provide round the clock help for her? Is caring for mom getting easier or more difficult...will it continue to get more difficult?
This is never an easy decision but if you are doing this out of love for her then it can only be a good decision. You can only do so much and only you know when the point is that you can no longer do the best that you can for her.
The most difficult thing will be when you are out shopping and you think...I have to get home to get mom lunch...and then it hits you that you don't have to do that. The day is yours you can do what you want with YOUR time. You will be better if you find a way to fill your time, re connect with old friends, clean out the closet you have been neglecting, go do something special for yourself, volunteer. Take the time when you visit with mom that you are now a Daughter first, an advocate for her and a caregiver last.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Why does this feel like a failure to you? Perhaps if you can pinpoint what is the thing that is bothering you, we can help.
((((((Hugs))))))))
Delay the move?
Can you wait a bit and get in home care for now?
The homes are being restricted as to visitors due to the Covid-10
virus and flu season.
Covid-19
I think she will be confused as to why and where she is and why she can't be home. Yet most times she is looking to go home. I worry about everything from her care to her to being upset.
I think many it's going to be hard to leave her there.....but right now she needs 24hr care due to her demintia and being a very high fall risk.
If you were to fall ill, mom would have no advocate. You need to practise some self preservation.
(((((((HUGS)))))))))
What do you have to do by Monday?
I know that seems contradictory, but they're different things. One is a seething cauldron of emotions. The other is the To Do list - a very present help in time of trouble.
You have to, for example:
• write a comprehensive packing list
• complete all laundry, sew on name tapes, mark shoes and other personal belongings
• work out a schedule for moving day, so that you can see at a glance what's next from when you get up to when you get home without having to think much or decide anything.
• plan, shop for, and cook at least four days' meals for at least two people. Preferably including one person's all-time favourites :)
• collate a folder of Mom's information - from food preferences to usual sleeping position to what she likes to be known as to daily routine etc etc etc. - to go into your mother's room.
• make sure the car's in good order.
All of this is going to make for an action-packed four-five days. And for your mother's benefit, keep busy, keep smiling, and let them be good, productive days.
You can fall asleep on your feet on Monday evening.
It's hard hard hard to give up control and to entrust them to someone else but you know you can't keep doing what you have been doing. It won't ever be perfect but it WILL be okay, you can do this ((HUGS)).
If you are this upset you obviously love your mom dearly and I would assume that means you've done everything you can for her up to this point right? So rest easy. Know you are doing the right thing and shore up your emotions so you can be supportive of her as she transitions to this new level of care.
I've been where you are and I know it's so hard. In time you'll know in your heart you did what's best for your mom and for you and then you can visit her, then go home and get the rest you probably really need.
Come back here often and we'll virtually hug you when you need it.
I just placed my mom on March 3 in LTC and honestly don’t know how it got to be March 13th!! Many, many emotions and tears but I’m feeling better and Mom is adjusting fast and doing well. Her mind is stimulated there and not so much a fall risk anymore because someone’s always around to help her. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My Mom is my rock and best friend. Thankfully, I feel this is a very good LTC, I hope your Moms is too.
I do know there will be bumps in the road and probably lots of them. I’m just taking one day at a time and resting up, trying to clear my own brain.
I know how this rips your heart open! Your heart WILL get better when you realize this is the best thing for your mom. I think if you cry cry cry your heart out and get your emotions out, you’ll feel better like I did but give yourself time and don’t beat yourself up about crying !
I HATE YOU DEMENTIA!!
Am I doing this for the "right" reasons?
Will she be safer?
Will I be safer?
Will they be able to provide round the clock help for her?
Is caring for mom getting easier or more difficult...will it continue to get more difficult?
This is never an easy decision but if you are doing this out of love for her then it can only be a good decision. You can only do so much and only you know when the point is that you can no longer do the best that you can for her.
The most difficult thing will be when you are out shopping and you think...I have to get home to get mom lunch...and then it hits you that you don't have to do that. The day is yours you can do what you want with YOUR time. You will be better if you find a way to fill your time, re connect with old friends, clean out the closet you have been neglecting, go do something special for yourself, volunteer. Take the time when you visit with mom that you are now a Daughter first, an advocate for her and a caregiver last.