A very long story short, my grandma ended up needing multiple surgeries in 2014. In that time, her sister volunteered to stay with her to make sure that certain things were met and that she was okay. But instead of helping transition her to everyday life tasks, she didn't, and now she is literally forced to live with her after the house she was living in was sold by her step kids.
My mom and I are hardly in the know and when we try asking questions and finding out what is going on and how we can help, we're basically shut out of things and we're the last to find out when something is going on with her. She even takes it upon herself to take her to her doctor appointments and most of the time we weren't even told when they were and when we'd ask so we could be present, we'd get some runaround but this time I forced it out of them and I went with to the doctor.
Her sister got upset with me because I recommended an anti-depressant because my grandma doesn't talk much anymore like she used to but appears very lucid most of the time but her sister is enough to make anyone depressed after a period of time. But it's my fault that her treatment will cost more money apparently. I think it's because I'm the one who came up with something. I'm suppose to be a little child who doesn't know my butt hole from a hole in the ground despite being nearly 30. But the part that is more frustrating is my grandma's financial information. Because of the move, her mail is forwarded to her sister's address where she is staying and that includes bank statements. My mom is a joint owner on most of it except for a few things which means that my mom on her own can't stop the statements from going there. We do use some money to help pay certain expenses but my grandma's sister noses into her bank statements and comes up with these irrational ideas that someone out of state is taking money from the account even though we've stated many times that we're the ones making sure certain things are paid.
So the real question is, how the heck can we stop this from happening. We were told years ago that everything was "taken care of" but we have no idea who she even went through as far as lawyers go which is another thing that would be nice to find out. But we're concerned her sister is going to try and get money out of her account somehow since she's snowing grandma on how much she has, she has more than enough money to cover expenses and yet her sister is leading everyone to believe she only has a few hundred left at the most. I'm very suspicious of it. The problem is that my grandma can't get around much anymore and it's hard to get her away from her sister long enough to do anything. At the very least I've been documenting what is going on on paper and dating this stuff as evidence in case something happens. But I'm mostly concerned with the unauthorized access to bank statements and then pretending not to know how much she really has when I think she does since it's not that hard to read a bank statement. Any help or at least thoughts/similar experiences shared would be great. Her sister and grandma are both in their low 80s. There's a ton more stuff that goes along with this but this is the main two things I'm concerned about, bank statements and finding out how to obtain last wishes/will information that was supposedly all set about a decade ago.
My parents used to tell us that they had everything documented and we'd have everything we needed when they died. When the time came this was not the case. When someone makes arrangements for the future those arrangements have to be updated through the years because things change. If your grandmother was responsible enough to have a will done and everything that goes with that she shouldn't mind telling you where to find that information. Chances are it's out of date and irrelevant now. I hope she will be open with you regarding this information so you don't have a mess on your hands after she's gone like we did.
As for the next part, she actually was very responsible and made sure stuff was taken care of when she was a bit younger. The only issue is, and we're still not sure and even the doctor himself isn't sure if dementia is starting a bit or if it could be depression but she can't seem to recall things like she should. She can't even "remember" what she had for breakfast or if she even ate breakfast. Yet she passed the memory test in the doctor's office. She knew where she was, what year it was along with the month and date. She only missed the day of the week. She could memorize numbers and words but the only trouble she had was reciting numbers in reverse. So this is where we're not sure if she really can't remember certain things or if it's her natural defenses kicking in so she can at least stand living there because when she was forced out of her home of 36 years, she came out and said she didn't like the idea of having to live with her sister and since then it seems like it was all downhill. Now when you ask her certain things it's always I don't know. Yet she can recall other things just fine. The problem is that we really don't have the room for her in our home since it's small as it is and we have three people living in it which includes myself. It's just such a bad situation all around because I feel as though we were purposely left in the dark all these years so that we couldn't get involved and take charge of things and instead her sister can receive the praise that she's giving up her life to take care of her sister and that we're doing nothing when in reality, we're almost not even able to get involved. It's just a very bad situation the whole way around.