My father-in-law is cussing everyday from dawn to dusk. He's very controlling and has a overpowering personality even with dementia. He's 88 years old. I'm getting tired of him cussing us out every day for 365 days. He's nice and cordial when he wants something or especially when it's time to eat. When the last bite gets in his mouth and he gets up from the table, there goes the cussing. His son is fed up and we are currently making plans to place him in a facility as soon as possible. The stress level is over the top especially for me. I am one year from a triple bypass heart surgery. Does anyone have any ideas for us until he can get placed in a facility?
Roger
Here's a helpful article right from this forum:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-and-undesirable-behavior-changes-how-do-i-handle-dads-profanity-112079.htm
Placement does not mean you are abandoning him, but that you are no longer the first responder and 24 hour care giver. It does mean that you and your spouse get to have privacy, and conversations without his 'contributions.' You still have a role in his care, visiting and keeping track of his well-being, providing clothes, etc.
His dementia is not so far gone yet that he's lost the ability to control himself because he is controlling himself for things that he wants and meals. They need to put him in his place.
There's no rules or rhyme or reason to why people do what they do as their brains slowly deteriorate.
I'm only 65 and not a 'potty mouth' by any stretch of the imagination...but as I have aged and gone through a few pretty rough life challenges, I find my language is not as 'clean' as I should have it. Am I losing it? Nope, not really, but I'm tired and sometimes a good swear word is the 'right' word. No excuse, just that I notice that I am often too tired to use 'pretty words', esp when I am super tired or frustrated. My filter is lifting, and I know it. Think of all the people whose filters are GONE.
He is unable to change what he does.
He will continue to cuss because he has no awareness or control over what he says.
His son must understand that he and his father have reversed roles- dad is now the child and he, his son, is now the parent.
Think of dad as the naughty child. Just that image alone may be helpful to you.
Take good care of yourself and your husband, and move forward as quickly as you can with placing this unfortunate man.
Yes, the FIL does have control and awareness over what he says.
The OP states that he is perfectly nice and cordial when he wants or needs something or when it's time to eat. The moment he gets what he wants or needs or the meal is finished, he starts up with the swearing and bad behavior.
He can control himself because he is controlling himeself when it's meal times or he wants something.
The OP and her husband need to stop enabling his terrib;e behavior.
He can control his behavior and while he lives in your house DEMAND that he do so. When he starts up with the cussing, give it right back to him. Tell him that if he's going to behave badly with the cussing and swearing to you and your family from dusk to dawn, he's going to be going very hungry. Many people have been sent to bed without supper for bad behavior when they were kids myself included, and that can be extended to senior brats as well. Your FIL has control of himself if he can be nice and cordial when he wants something or when it's time to eat. See how well he does with no supper tonight. Put locks on your cupboards and your fridge too. He'll knock off the overpowering controlling behavior and the cussing. Hunger tends to put a person to minding their manners.