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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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If the person has "advanced dementia" are they even aware of the food? My mom has stage 7 Alzheimer's... Advanced dementia... She is not even aware there is food around. She doesn't have a feeding tube (and never will). We do hand feed her and she will eat whatever I put in her mouth. Maybe your LO is not as advanced as my mom, but I really can't see it making any difference.
People with dementia need familiar routines, I think taking her to a big party is problematic even without the food issue. Will she really remember anyone there, or will she feel surrounded by strangers? Will she have a place to sleep or at least get away for quiet time? What about bathroom problems? And as for the food, my mom doesn't have a feeding tube but she is on a pureed diet, I think it is a disappointment to her when the menu is read to her and she makes her choice, only to get a plate of puree that often bears no resemblance to the food others are getting. Just one more indignity.
Thank you for your thoughts. He is not going to a big party. It is simply a small family gathering (4 familiar family members). His wife doesn't want us to have Christmas dinner. I'm kind of miffed-that's part of the routine. My thoughts are that since olfactories bring positive memories, the aromas of Christmas dinner might bring fond memories.
Well they might bring pleasant memories. Or not. That is hard to say.
There are at least two types of dementia where the person loses the sense of smell. Are you positive this person can smell anything?
You are miffed because the routine is upset? You want the nice holiday dinner the way it has always been? I'll bet there are lots of things his wife wishes were like they used to be. She should be the decision-maker in this situation.
Anticipating the family event is more anxiety producing than the actual event. I often dread going, then find I enjoy myself and it all works out fine. A nice smile and a positive attitude helps. A little wine helps, too.
My mother had a g-tube for four years. She did not have dementia and was completely aware. She enjoyed attending family events with or without food being served. For her it was about being with family, she knew the deal with food and had accepted it, and she was much happier to attend and be surrounded by family than to be left out. I can see how the experience could be painful but for us it was a happy time to have mom with us.
Personal opinion here I would not have placed a feeding tube in someone with advanced dementia. There are problems that can arise with feeding tubes. As the body stops requiring food and you are still providing food it can cause blockages, vomiting, and the food can just sit in the stomach, not being digested and this can cause pain as well. With a feeding tube you may miss the signs that the person is stopping food and drink and continue to give it when it is not necessary.
To answer your question. If the person might have a tendency to try to eat but can not it might be best to leave the person out of the dining area unless someone can be a constant companion for this person. (some people with feeding tubes can partake in "pleasure feeding" so some food can be taken orally) If this person will not try to eat and can participate with the family then having them at the table would be nice. If this person will not appreciate the gathering it might be best to plan the meal around a time when he or she may be napping. Or change the meal to a buffet and people can eat when and where they want so some can eat while some visit with this member of the family. Smaller groups at a time are better than a large group all talking at ones with all the noise, extra people, different routines there is a lot of confusion that may upset someone with dementia. If this is the case it might even be a better idea to do the gathering as an open house and people can come and go so as not to overwhelm a person with dementia.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And as for the food, my mom doesn't have a feeding tube but she is on a pureed diet, I think it is a disappointment to her when the menu is read to her and she makes her choice, only to get a plate of puree that often bears no resemblance to the food others are getting. Just one more indignity.
There are at least two types of dementia where the person loses the sense of smell. Are you positive this person can smell anything?
You are miffed because the routine is upset? You want the nice holiday dinner the way it has always been? I'll bet there are lots of things his wife wishes were like they used to be. She should be the decision-maker in this situation.
My advice? Get over it.
There are problems that can arise with feeding tubes.
As the body stops requiring food and you are still providing food it can cause blockages, vomiting, and the food can just sit in the stomach, not being digested and this can cause pain as well.
With a feeding tube you may miss the signs that the person is stopping food and drink and continue to give it when it is not necessary.
To answer your question.
If the person might have a tendency to try to eat but can not it might be best to leave the person out of the dining area unless someone can be a constant companion for this person. (some people with feeding tubes can partake in "pleasure feeding" so some food can be taken orally)
If this person will not try to eat and can participate with the family then having them at the table would be nice. If this person will not appreciate the gathering it might be best to plan the meal around a time when he or she may be napping.
Or change the meal to a buffet and people can eat when and where they want so some can eat while some visit with this member of the family.
Smaller groups at a time are better than a large group all talking at ones with all the noise, extra people, different routines there is a lot of confusion that may upset someone with dementia. If this is the case it might even be a better idea to do the gathering as an open house and people can come and go so as not to overwhelm a person with dementia.