My elderly Father-in-law, who is approx. 3rd stage dementia, keeps telling us he wants to die and he wants to leave his house. He can not hear well, see very well, drive, or even care for himself much of the time. We know he should go into a nursing home, but none of the homes that accept Medicaid are taking patients in our area. His son and I are live in caregivers, while remodeling our mobile home and the stress of him screaming is getting to us. Help! Any ideas what We can do meanwhile? We have a bath aid 2× wk (4hrs) & respite care 6 hours a week.
You have recognized that he requires more care than you can provide. And when the remodel is over, is he to be alone? What happens when you move out?
You will have to consider taking Dad to ER or having him transported there when he next acts out badly. This will get him a hospitalization in which he can be assessed. At that time I would refuse to take him back home; tell the hospital that you can neither physically nor mentally take care of him, and a discharge would put him at risk. There may be a shut down in accepting patients from the home, but trust me, hospitals are still placing patients. The social worker will be good and quick at this; this is what they do as a profession. Wishing you luck. But also letting you know, a gentleman at this much risk without supervision is endangering him.
My kids either stay away from us completely or now (after all these months!) are masking up if we visit--so staying longer for an hour or having a meal is just not doable. The holidays are approaching and so far, we aren't planning ANYTHING to mark the days.
It's a daily challenge. Dh has been WFH and finally just about went crazy b/c he normally travels to job sites and has been trying to fix problems from home and he simply couldn't, so he has begun to travel. That adds to my anxiety, but I am supportive of him going--being in the house 24/7 with him is making me crazy.
We have aging moms--they are both 90. Mine is OK, and aware she likely won't live long enough to ever go back to her beloved once a week BINGO games. YB has had her on 100% lockdown since May.
MIL is also 90 and beginning a rapid slide into dementia. DH and his sister are now faced with the knowledge that the next time MIL falls or sets something on the stove on fire, they are going to have to seriously look at her living arrangements. No matter what, she is not going to be happy. She is obsessed with dying and (this is kind of unbelievable) the chance that I might be one of the people who goes through her things. She's right, I AM going to have to be involved....sad that this is one of her biggest worries.
I know it's normal for anyone to think about dying. But when it looks like we're never going to get over this pandemic---you do start to feel like 'why am I even trying?'
It will get better. Very slowly we are gaining her immunity---very slowly--and once there is a vaccine that works--things will get better. Having said that---I have no crystal ball to tell me WHEN.
As far as your FIL--try taking him for long, endless drives, just to get out. Find old movies he liked and play those. Perhaps a mild sedative to keep him calmer. Anxiety is awful.
Good Luck. I know it doesn't really help to know that a lot of us are in the same boat. But we are.
Has anyone mentioned this to her?
Home cremation is not recommended.
In the meantime, a dementia sufferer 'wanting to go home' or to die or leave his house is nothing unusual, unfortunately. Speak to his doctor about calming medications to help with his screaming and agitation. Nobody is happy with such a situation, and I'm sorry you are having to deal with such a stressful situation. Again, I'm sure you're doing nothing 'wrong', it's just a diseased brain that's screaming and acting out. His doctor should be able to prescribe him something to help.
For what it's worth, my 93 y/o demented mother goes in spurts about 'wanting to die'. She'll stay on that kick for months on end, then stop saying it entirely. But the first time she has an ache or pain, she's petrified she WILL die and wants the doctor to come by her room at the ALF immediately. Take it all with a grain of salt, like I do. It's just talk, after all. Certainly difficult to hear, I know, but hopefully something that will pass, as it does with my mother.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Best wishes to you and your family.
There is no way in this world or the next that would get her to see a 'psychiatrist' or ANY kind of psych professional. EVER. It's easy to say and seems a simple fix, but in reality? She'd lose her mind completely if she had to go in for a psych eval.
She is currently on good terms with her daughter and 1 neighbor. Nobody else. She kicked DH out of her hours 2 weeks ago and told him to 'go to h377' if he wasn't going to sit still and agree with her angry, hateful demeanor. And she has always been this way, what good would a psych eval do? We KNOW she's a narcissistic witch. I've had DH reading about that exact disorder and he is shocked to see that she fits the bill to a T.
The pandemic has just amped up her natural anxiety to a boiling point and she has started screaming when she talks to people. As I do not see her, I just hear about it. I dealt with ONE scream fest---all anger directed at me, and I walked away, never to return.
Your FIL screams and he states he wants to leave his house.
I really hate to say this but it sounds to me that he is not happy with you all living in his home with him.