Over the last week she's gone to bed twice at 6:00 and once at 4:30. The latest has been 7:00. She used to get up at 7 a.m. so i adjusted my sleep schedule to match that but now she is up before that. On garbage morning she said she was up at 5-something taking the garbage and recycling out to the curb. Today she could not tell me when she got up. The problem is she's at a point where I'm not supposed to leave her alone. What options can you think of? I have major depressive disorder and sleep apnea and i need at least 9 hours of sleep. I am resisting getting a door alarm because of this. I don't want to go to sleep at 7:30 or 8 and get up at 5. I feel like I have no life as it is. Maybe that sounds selfish or difficult but I am really struggling with this dementia thing and feeling a bit panicky. Also a door alarm wouldn't keep mom from being by herself if she didn't leave the house. I started caregiving 24/7 in February and said that when the time came when I couldn't get enough sleep it would be a deal breaker. I am wondering about getting home health in for the early morning but not sure how long finances will hold out. I don't want to consider a nursing home yet because she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her and has said if she ever had dementia she would rather stop eating. I'm hoping someone who is removed from the situation can see a possible solution more clearly than me. Thanks!
You do not sound selfish at all. Everyone needs enough sleep for optimum health, and you have a medical condition that makes it even more imperative for you. You recognized that when you couldn't get enough sleep it would be a deal breaker. I think that time has come. Give yourself a little time to try out suggestions you get here, and any ideas her doctor has. But while you are doing this also explore the care center options available. This should probably start with a needs evaluation. You can call your Area Agency on Aging to set that up. (Be sure you are present during the evaluation. Elders (even without dementia) are likely to exaggerate their abilities. The assessors know this, but they have to write down what they are told. It can be very helpful for something who knows the situation to make sure the answers are accurate.)
You mention that you are not sure finances will hold out. Does that mean when the time comes for a care center you'll have to apply for Medicaid? Did you know that Medicaid has programs that pay for in-home? For example, if they determine she is eligible for 20 hours of an aide each week, you could have one 4 hours each weekday morning, or 3 hours every day. They might provide housecleaning services, to free up some of your time. If Medicaid is in Mom's future, applying while she is still able to live with you makes sense. Then everything will be in place when there really isn't another choice but a care center.
Caring for someone who can't be left unsupervised 24/7/365 is not a one-person job. It can't be done and still maintain your health and your sanity and your enthusiasm for life. Some help in some form is absolutely essential. Care centers cover this situation with 3 shifts of well-rested caregivers each day, all of whom have access to immediate backup and assistance. They all get time off and vacations. None of them cook or do the laundry or clean the building. How can a single individual provide that level of care in a home? Only with help!
Try keeping Mom up a half-hour later each day or two. Take her outside in this nice weather. I know if she dozes off your can’t very well shake her awake. The later meal times Eyerishlass suggests may help too. Give her a snack at mid-afternoon. If she naps in the afternoon, try not to let it last over 1/2 hour.
So, I understand your hesitation to place your mom. Because of a few rotten apples, all nursing homes are seen the same way insane asylums used to be thought of decades ago. Plus, many children feel they owe it to their parent to care for them.
Take a good, hard look at your life. We both know it won’t last forever, but while it does are you ok living like this? If your own health goes down the tubes, what will be left of you when she passes? Will you be able to carry on, or will you, yourself need to go into a facility?
Be proactive for yourself. Find out what help Mom qualifies for and apply for it. There’s help in every city. It’s not easy to ask for the kindness of strangers, but it’s time.
Good luck to you and come back with updates. We care!
I bought the baby safety covers for my door knobs. My cousin had key entry deadbolts put on his doors.
I suggest you demand help in drug form from your mums Dr. Tell Dr you can't cope with your mums routine and need to establish a routine to suit u. It will be hard work but I'm sure you will be able to improve things. Give her sleeping tablet at same time every night. (I give it at 12am Wen my mum wakes to spend a penny and she usually goes through till 6am.
Getting into a routine was key for me. Things are not perfect by any means and I do have help of husband.
Good luck.
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