Hello,
My Grandma will be 102yrs old the fall and my mother, brother and I have been taking care of her for almost 2 years now. She had a massive stroke at the beginning of the year that effected her speech. With that said my mother has medical and durable PoA. With the COVID going around we have had to resort to protecting her health but ours as well. My uncle and cousins have been trying to come down to see her from Oklahoma and Denver, Colorado. We have advised them to wait til COVID dies down a bit to attempt to see her. Now my uncle has hired a lawyer telling us to we must allow him to see his mother. Which we have never stoped him from seeing her, but his health is not good and could not take care of her in the first place. And wants unsupervised visits while he is here. We don’t want our grandma to catch the virus. Any help on what my mother can do legally to protect my grandma's health until Covid has died down.
Sorry if this sounds blunt, but going to THIS level to protect a 102 year old woman is a bit extreme, in my opinion. It's more important for your grandmother to feel the love and closeness of her family than it is for her to be exposed to germs.
Best of luck!
This could very well cause the poster problems.
They can indeed refuse anyone access to their home, however, it is not a good idea when you are dealing with vulnerable people.
I would respond with the rules of a visit, consequences for not following the rules and let them enjoy their visit. She is after all 102 and no one lives forever. Perhaps he is dying and would like to see his mom.
I replied in writing listing the ways I was facilitating access and that it was reasonable in the circumstances. I also listed the times the Dad had not taken advantage of his visitation times.
For OP, reply to the letter in writing. State that you would welcome phone calls or FaceTime visits between your Uncle and his mother. If you have suggested these in the past, record the dates you made the suggestions. If you made these suggestions via email, then include copies of the emails. Include your local state guidelines regarding reducing the spread of Covid-19 and report how your household is adhering to them to protect your grandmother.
Let the lawyer know that your grandmother is bed bound and unable to speak very well. Let him know that family is in attendance 24/7 to see to her needs and list those needs, from top to tail. Make it clear that a family member has to be available and within hearing range to meet her needs.
Lastly, talk to grandma's doctor or your local health authority and ask for guidance in how it could be possible to make a visit safe and possible. If Uncle is coming from another state, what are the isolation rules for state to state travel? As he would have to enter your home, what safety precautions does he need to take? Add this information to the letter you send the lawyer.
The reply will be from the point of view that you have been following state and local health authorities guidelines to keep Grandma safe. You have offered remote visits, phone and FaceTime, and are not being unreasonable. You will present documents from the local and state authorities, so your Uncle cannot complain that you are making up safety precautions. You reiterate that Grandma needs 24/7 care and Uncle is not experienced in providing this care, as grandma is not able to verbalize her needs, family have to be close by to assess her needs.
Send your reply by registered mail to the lawyer, not your Uncle. The lawyer only knows what your Uncle has told him. He also cannot force you to act in a way that compromises your grandmother's health and safety or goes against state and local health authorities guidelines.
Now having said all that, start to think about how you can facilitate a visit. Does Grandma's bedroom have a ground floor window, where they can do a window visit? Is there another room in the home where this could happen? Can she get into a wheelchair? Can you facilitate a visit at a distance outside?
Lastly, keep in mind she will die sooner than later. People are still dying on things not related to Covid-19.
It sounds like a power issue or conflict around rights. A lot of that going on these days. Another added dilemma to end of life with dysfunctional families.
I can relate. I invited family members into the backyard for visits and agreed to video visits on not zoom but another platform. Certain ones became accusatory and requested that I not participate in the visits. I experienced personal low blows and verbal bullying. Not sure any of this was necessary. Anyway, I felt something legal might arise too but all you can really do is make sure you all are doing what's best under the circumstance. If your uncle's intention is to have closure then there should be a way for a visit. If it's a power play then call it that. A visit may not be completely private as he wishes but a compromise at the very least.
Good luck to us all that have to deal with troubles with social support. Thank you for taking care of your grandmother.
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