My FIL's doctor is asking for a Living Will since my FIL often refuses medicine. My FIL has been diagnosed with moderate dementia. How would we go about creating a Living Will when he has such trouble reasoning, etc? My husband is his attorney-in-fact. Where do we go from here? Any advice? Anyone have to get a Living Will after diagnosis? Thanks in advance.
Is your husband also health care proxy, or is the lack of that the impetus behind the doctor's request?
could you give further info on Five Wishes or the topic you mentioned?
thanks
I know, right?
I will advise you though with ANY document you have like this you must keep a copy with you at ALL times.
I suggest that a copy be put in FIL's wallet as well, make sure the doctor has a copy. If FIL is brought to the hospital for any reason and you do not have that document with you it does not exist until they have a copy so despite what you want done they may do everything they can.
CPR works great on TV and on healthy people but on someone older, frail or ill CPR would be difficult to survive breaking ribs and the sternum during compressions is a difficult recovery.
It is this- IF a relative has previously established that they want NO medical interventions, but then, in situations in which they are still functioning at a fairly high level comes down with an infection (in our case bronchitis/pneumonia) should an antibiotic be administered?
I DID permit an antibiotic when dealing with my mother’s care, and she recovered during each instance to enjoy several month’s more peasant quality of life.
I always experienced some personal ambivalence when I allowed it, although I was also completely content with the outcome.
Any thoughts?
Dad has already passed, and mom is now into year 3 at MC. In general, if it is something that is easily treatable, go for it. While it won't really improve the long-term outlook, it will make the PRESENT better. She gets her BP meds, antibiotics for her UTIs, I opted to continue her macular degeneration treatments, to preserve her eyesight, OTCs for any pain/colds, etc. For the not-too-often knee/leg pain, we can only try OTCs or injection. She should have had her knees "done" years ago, before dementia, now it is too late (she is 96.)
When she started to refuse to stand/walk without help, PT was ordered but she refused to comply, so I let that go. So long as she isn't suffering from something easily treatable, I will let nature take its course. At this stage of life (age and dementia), one can only hope that when she does go, it is peaceful/pain free.
It is odd that the doc thinks somehow magically this person with dementia can make rational decisions like this! I think what others suggested might work, to a degree - when he is in his more "lucid" periods, try a discussion about what you and he might do under a given circumstance. He might be able to make some statements about what he would prefer. If possible, record it on your phone, so you can replay it for the doc and have it documented.
Hopefully no one else in the family will "buck" any decisions made... Of course, in the moment of crisis, one can express a different wish, and that should be honored too, if possible! If it happens to be an easily treatable issue, like an infection, I would probably override and work on dad to make him see some sense (the staff in the MC cannot force a resident to take any meds or medical treatment if they are refusing, but they coax and work on them to get compliance!)