I take care of my elderly mother who is in the middle stage of Dementia. I am finding myself being more short with her and fussing at her more than usual. I don't like the person I have become. I was always even tempered and patient...now I am screaming and yelling at her most days and being angry that my father did not make better arrangements for her and him when they were young. She states that it is my duty to take care of her and that she is not leaving her home. The respite care giver I interviewed from the city to come in and supervise her while I am gone really is of little help. They can not administer medication nor can they really get involved in helping my mother with any of her needs. It is just someone who merely babysits in my absence. Other in home caregiving costs a fortune. So I continue to be frustrated and angry and sleep every chance I can get to avoid the pain of doing this alone and not being able to have a life of my own. It has been 10 years now and even the meds I take are not helping that much. I want to be the nurturing daughter but from a distance. Thanks for letting me vent.
It isn't really your duty to take care of your mother. It is just a wonderful thing you do for her out of love. If she doesn't have any savings, it is hard to know what to do unless you are personally wealthy. Do you have any siblings that could help? Since she is in mid stages of dementia, are you still able to get out every day for a while. That really helps. If you can't get out, I think you owe it to yourself to splurge a couple of days a month for a professional caregiver to come in. Having something to look forward to may make a difference.
BTW, I get plenty angry, too. I rarely say anything to her, but I do shoot myself with my finger pistol and bump my head on the bathroom wall quite often. And I am so glad that my rabbits can't tell people all the bad things I say. Raking leaves and chopping wood also does wonders for anger. I would try screaming, but we're in the burbs. The cops would probably be here is 2 minutes. :-/
I think, at 10 years, you are approaching burnout. That is a long time to care for someone. If you want to be the nurturing daughter from a distance look into placing your mom in a nursing facility. You'll have to apply for Medicaid so mom can pay for it but it sounds like you need a new plan.
I lost patience with my mother recently too. I don't think she has dementia. I have been very patience encouraging her to walk or move (she has knee pain and is weak in her muscle, but moving or walking help her build the muscle), but she seems not listening and I just couldn't control myself to yell and scream at her. I have a full time job and I couldn't afford to quit my job with mortgages to pay. Every month I can't even make both ends meet, how can I afford to arrange somebody to look after her while I am at work. My sister said she will come and look after her, but she just comes for an hour or so. My brother came visit last month and he complained that I am not doing a good job, he said try to encourage more and not yell. I did encourage her a lot, but to one point, I just burst.
When I read your posts you sound like me...I'm in therapy to deal with my angry outbursts.
It sounds like you need respite care in a hurry..do you have relatives willing to do their share? can you put her in a facility short term?
if I start biting my tongue instead I soon wouldn't have one.