I have POA, am successor trustee of living trust, unpaid caregiver for Mom for 5+ years, and feel cheated by will. My mother is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. I am 37. I have given my all for 5+ years in order to keep my mother in her home, at the expense of my business, my life, and my friendships. I live with her in order to care for her 24/7, with exception of a break (thanks to a sister) every 2 or 3 days to tend to the house, yard, and go grocery shopping. I have three other siblings that do diddly squat, never call, come over once in a blue moon for maybe 1/2 hour, yet act like they are just waiting for pennies from heaven to fall. Is there anything that I can do to make sure that my HELPING sister and I are better compensated in the end (if there is anything) than the "do-nothings" of the family? My finances have been nearly depleted while they live it up on trips around the world. Is there anything I can do?
If you make changes to her will, be ready for lots of flack from the absentee sibs after the will is read. I have cautioned my mom against making changes to her will just for this reason. It is bad enough to do all this for her then have to deal with greedy family afterward.
PS: do not pay out of pocket for her care...she should be paying for her own personal expenses.
Good luck.
happen and you look back you will thankful you could do what you could do. You have a long time ahead of you yet to re-build the things you have lost. Please be patient.
If you and your sister are doing the majority of the care, please look into this with a lawyer because it was the best thing I ever did.
If you've given up everything to care for a loved one, you don't want to be kicked out on the street when they pass before their body is even cold. (It's happened to a friend of mine.)
Don't let others play the "greed card" on you! This is also about taking care of yourself!
I figure, what do you need to live on for 6 months to a year while you get back on your own feet?
My day of reckoning was when I was operated on and was supposed to bedrest. I had throat surgery and wasn't supposed to talk!Both siblings knew of my surgery but none lended a hand. I even asked. I was shot down, they were too busy. So, I managed to take care of mom, straining to talk and dealing with pain from not taking pain meds(I was afraid I would fall asleep and she would wander away or get hurt) I set myself up for a longer recovery period cause I couldn't rest! Well that was the wake up call that I needed. I did need compensated for caring for mom. Thats basically when siblings and I had our "outs". I had every right to be peed off. They only cared when I spent "moms" money to fix up house. Siblings have tried there darnest to get me in trouble with threats and trying to turn me into protective services. But I keep track of everything! So nothing they can do!!
I sometimes look in the mirror and think to myself, who am I??? The person I was and who I am now are so different. My marriage is barely surviving. I have no friends no family, just me mom and hubby and kids. My hubby and I enjoyed doing things. We no longer have that extra money or the time away from mom. Yeah, I do get a little respite from mom once in a while at local PCH. However, when she goes there I usually have a full plate of errands, housework. I never get that "ME" time I used to have. My kids are starting to act out(especially the teenager). Our kids want to spend more time at there "other" parents homes more than ours. I don't blame them. We don't do anything together anymore. I have my mom my #1 priority above all.
Caregiving is one of the hardest jobs out there. I thought when I first started looking after mom it was going to be just like anyother home health job I did!!! Boy, was I in for a surprize!!! There is no 9-5 shift with weekends and holidays off!! Mom needs 24/7 care. No more hanging out and having a few drinks with friends, or going on an all day shopping spree!!!! Caregiving is "priceless" how can one actually put an hourly wage on stress your body takes mentally and physically along with the caregiving??
I don't care at this point was others think of me, especially siblings. I know what goes on here in this home. I only answer to god if my intentions are not in the purest form taking care of mom. I enjoy spending those good days with mom, those are memories I will always remember. My siblings are the ones missing out on mom.
Joanne you do what you feel in your heart you need to do!!!! Don't worry about others!! Remember if they were in your shoes they would probably want the same thing about compensating. You need to pat yourself on the back for the sacrifice you made to be selfless enough to drop everything in your life for your mom. Your a good person!! Hang in there!
p.s. There is no "compensation" for caregiving. You either do it or you don't. Hopefully, the Will will be compensation enough.
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