So I have finally overcome the guilty emotion and have decided to move my father into a n assisted living faculty near my brother. I live in Maryland where I have been taking care of my Father in his home. Hes beyond my care now..... Hes been deemed incompetent and I have healthcare power of attorney. So how do I make this transition easier for him and myself I know hes gonna to fight me (verbally) but the Doctors and nurses say its time. We are going to try him in an assisted living to see how he does. Hes has swallowing problems and hes been diagnosed with Alzheimer as well. I think if hes in a faclitiy with people his own age that relate to him that maybe his quality of life would improve. When I have been taking care of him he never went out except maybe to the Doctor. The assisted living facility s Sunrise in Charlotte. Am I doing the right thing?
Yes you are doing the right thing by changing your dad's housing situation. You're also very smart to think about making the transition go smoothly before the move.
Most folks don't.
Given you dad's mental condition, having your ducks in a row will help both of you. It will still be hard on you emotionally.
Sunrise has a good reputation across the country and they focus on Alzheimer's/Dementia residents.
Whenever you move an elderly person from one home to another they will suffer from a little known issue called "Relocation Stress Syndrome". The disorientation and loss suffered when they move from familiar surroundings often leads to hospitalizations within the first 6 months of relocating. A women named Tracey Greene-Mintz is an expert on RLSS. She's very approachable and would be worth consulting.
Was your father verbally abusive when he "was in his right mind"? It's so disheartening when a caring daughter tries to care for a parent and gets disrespected and demeaned in the bargain. This is the point where you need to get some professional folks on your team. A good geriatric care manager can prepare you for the journey you're about to take. So can the folks at Sunrise.
No matter what happens, realize you can only do what you can do.
I know this is a difficult decision for you. Just realize you are doing the best you can for both of you, get some good advice, make your decision and run with it.
Your dad is lucky to have a daughter like you to watching out for him.
Implicit in the suggestion is that the adult child understand the risks of the parent's circumstances and the next best step to take. "Next best step" because we can never know all the steps that will be necessary.
I love the "Oh, it's raining again.I need an umbrella" approach to keeping actions in perspective. A similar approach is to view your parents actions as if it's a total stranger. How would you act then?
Keeping your emotions in check is difficult. But when you can, you'll make decisions faster, more clearly and generally more accurately than you will when your emotions trip you up.