She is insisting to come home. The problem is my Stepdad told her he has a caregiver taking care of him, which was a big mistake on his part telling her that. He's feeling guilty and doesn't know how to tell her.... I understand stand that...but it's also putting the guilt in me too! Now she wants to come home and is upset. She calls him and he says to call me that I'm the one who can get her out. He gave me POA two years ago for her Healthcare and I'm the one who made the decision to put her in the Facility. Before... my Mom was living at home and my Stepdad fell and broke his leg and was in rehab for 2 weeks. I stayed with her and notice she was declining, could no longer care for herself, incontinence... etc. and was getting agitated with me. I only want the Best for my Mom, so my Brother's and I moved her to the Facility...which is going in 2 years.
Now she is calling alot or when we go see her wanting out of the Facility. I feel guilty and sad and want her home...but I think she's not going to be happy and make us all miserable. I Love my Mom so much!
What should I do?
I think it's safe to say the vast majority of us love our mothers which is why we placed them in managed care to begin with; so they could be cared for properly, by teams of caregivers on a 24/7 basis. At home, that same care is not possible unless you hire 24/7 teams of caregivers which is cost prohibitive. You placed your mother in managed care for a good reason, so don't second guess yourself.
The vast majority of dementia sufferers want to 'get out' of there or to 'go home' or something along those lines. Choose 1 time of day to take a call from your mother and let her know that she can come home when her DOCTOR says it's okay for such a thing to happen. It's not up to YOU or to her husband, but to her DOCTOR to make such a call, and as of this time, he's made no such call b/c he feels it's in her best interest to stay right where she is.
My mother calls me nightly from her Memory Care ALF thinking she needs to come to my house & is uncertain as to how she'll get here. She needs to take care of 'the children' or come visit with 'her mother' who's been dead for 35 years. I divert her attention and tell her to turn on the tv set and watch something funny to make her laugh. I let her know that there's a virus going round and nobody's going anywhere, if worse comes to worse. We repeat the same conversation the next evening when she's on the same wavelength about 'going home'. I love her too, there's just no way on God's green earth I can care for her at home, it's not humanly possible.
Figure out your strategy for diverting your mother from her endless talks about coming home. Let her know that matter is NOT in your hands, and you'll take it up with her doctor. At 95, she needs way more care than you're capable of giving her at home. In the end, I know that my mother isn't happy ANYWHERE anyway, she hasn't been for her entire 94 years on Earth, so what's the difference where she lives? What matters is that she's well cared for, safe and secure. I window visit with her every Sunday & in person visits should be opening up soon in most managed care facilities.
Get her husband on the same page, if possible, and have him give her as LITTLE information as possible when he speaks to her. The more info a demented person has, the more confabulations they create in their minds and the more issues they come up with in general. Less is more is what you all need to remember when dealing with dementia.
Wishing you the best of luck managing your mother.
This Dementia is so cruel, and so sorry you are experiencing too!
Thank You again and God Bless ❤️
Thank You again and God Bless ❤️