Does anybody have experience calming unreasonable fears in elders?
Not quite delusional but at this point Mom gets something in her head and refuses to let any evidence quell her negative outlook on the outcome of these "chair" visits by repairmen who have extensively tested and replaced a few parts. She still insists it doesn't work right even though she doesn't follow the charging instructions given explicitly by the repairmen.
It works right. She is scared it will quit working right.
I am soooooo sick of hearing about this chair.
Should I recommend she buy a new one? She can afford it.
Thank You
If the one she uses quits, she'll have another.
IDK why it hadn't occured to me.
This insight is worth the price of admission.
TY all
I'm not a therapist but my first thought was to wonder what might be driving Mom's fear... Anxiety is an aspect of aging; the need for reassurance - from you, repairmen, others - is strong.
If she won't talk to a therapist, perhaps you should, to get a little insight and possible management (think cognitive behavior) strategies.
Wishing you and Mom well.
New chair is a good idea. But also a plan. Does she keep a phone within reach? Or wear a falls alarm pendant?
My relative has got stuck in her chair a few times now. Must be a scary thing... has had to push her fall alarm.
She has 2 alarms, a pendant she wears and a hot button on her nitestand.
She has a phone she could mount to her chair if she chose to. She doesn't want to.
There is a lockbox w/a key on the front door all emergency personnel have access to.
2) "Could you have a manual chair as back up and ...you or an aide...could stay with her...?"
We have a manual chair we use on dr appts. she has no interest and says she cant roll it herself even on smooth cement.
Ugh, having an aide who could and would meet her unusual requirements is impossible. I'm slowly illuminating her choices as far as help goes. She thinks I should just continue doing all I have been (due to the pandemic I've been a virtual shut in since halloween last) and she quit using her very great aides from before the pandemic claiming they put her in danger. Soon enough there will be aides, but not the kind you could call at midnight in a tizzy. If her chair quits she will be helpless except for 911 between say 8pm and 8am
This whole episode is predicated by my resuming normal life. I told her I'm leaving sometime after the 5th and she is pulling what I expected.
#3 "...why does she fear the chair may quit working?"
I can't say. I don't know.
I understand there is a component to many mental health diagnosis concerning abandonment and especially in borderline personality disorder this becomes pronounced.
I don't know, but Mom gets really weird when I leave.
She has to understand I never signed up to watch her the rest of her life. I'm supportive and mostly kind but I'm 2 years fighting this bad set up.
I have been doing therapy by phone.
Thank you all for the ideas,
I think we'll get a second chair and keep it in a large unused space in the walk in closet in Mom's room.
Worse comes to worse EMS can pull it out and help Mom onto it.
I'm sure you can all see I'm trying to preempt the reasons she'll say I can't leave
I have seen riser recliners that do a little hop-skip at a point in their elevation or descent, and if I were wholly dependent on one like that I expect it would give me pause, too.
I'm also puzzled about the recharging instructions - what needs charging? And what parts were replaced? And how old is the thing?
If she's completely lost confidence in it, and she can easily afford a new one, and you can find one that fits her properly (the fitting process much overlooked, unfortunately, and it can make such a difference), and you're sure that the new one won't fall out of favour next week because it makes a funny noise or the control doesn't go with her purse...
Then go ahead and let her buy one.
It is a replacement for one she had that had worn out.
It was new in 2019 I think...
Qualified techs replaced the joystick, interconnects from control module, and batteries.
The power indicator lights that typically have 2 red, 1 yellow, and 2 green intermittently show 1 less green than she wants. The tech says you have to charge it 8-10 hrs after running the batteries down to the yellow. She cant stand running it down to yellow, subsequently it doesn't do the deeper charge that is beneficial to battery life, additionally she wont leave it on the charger for the right amount of time.
It is what she does.
I do not believe there is 1 mortal person who could convince her she is doing it wrong.
I can only sympathise. My mother used to start hyperventilating if the fuel gauge in her car dipped below 4 (out of 6) orange lights, even though another gauge showed this meant we still had about 200+ miles left in the tank. It led to a frank and prolonged exchange of views on one trip (I was driving) which was only halted when Daughter 2 piped up from the back seat with "mother, just stop for fuel for f***'s sake."
But your mother's problem will no doubt be identical on any model, no?
Hmmm.
And she uses it all the time, yes? So you couldn't run it round the block a few dozen times to give the battery a proper workout?
Will think.
Often battery powered things need to practically exhaust all the battery power before you recharge them. She's not getting full use of the battery pack, and probably watches that 'power level' all day long, waiting for it to get to a level that's still letting it run just fine, but she'd not happy with it. It could have a couple hours more power in it, but it makes her anxious.
Once the battery has 'accepted' the new charge as being the 'norm' it may never reset, it will likely accept 80% discharge as being the norm, therefore requiring more charging and a slow decline in the overall charging ability.
I have quite a few little appliances, etc., that have this feature, they need to practically discharge completely before they are put on the charger.
IDK if simply replacing the battery pack would solve this dilemma-or if she needs a whole new chair--and better management for powering it up. Some how you need to distract her from the power indicator.
A new chair will solve the problem for the short term, but not in the long term, b/c she'll do this same thing.
I'd ask the manufacturer or the repair person if there's something you can do to get the chair to accept a charge that will last longer.
Mom ruined her little Ipad & laptop by leaving them charging ALL THE TIME. After a YEAR of being plugged into the charger, it simply didn't recognize 'on' and 'off'. We never could get her to use it and then let it run down some and THEN plug it back in. Of course, even though these were never used and now are totally ruined, she insists they stay plugged in and sitting on a side table.
I wish you luck. This is an expensive fix if you have to buy a new chair every time she gets anxious about losing power.
What if the chair dies when you are doing A, B or C, how can you (she) navigate that? What about some kind of panic button that she wears (there are so many systems available now, either monitored or not).
THIS!!!!
My poor Mom has gone to war w/physics as well!
There is no amount of evidence that can convince her of the charge cycle requirement of her chair's battery bank.
To me, it's just another waste of a nice little laptop and Ipad. I got her a SKYLIGHT for photos from the grands and g-grands and somehow she broke it. Literally has 3 buttons on the back--is beyond user friendly. She saw the pics loaded on it ONCE and turned it off. Said it was annoying. Pointless to point out to her that she has a grand total of 4 TVs in an 800 sf apartment that are on ALL DAY LONG.