Mom has dementia and bipolar... dad refuses to place her in an elder care facility. How can I convince him that it’s slowly killing him?

Per the advice of a wonderful person on this site, my dad FINALLY took my 65 year old mother to see a geriatric psychologist. The doctor (after only two visits) took her off serriquol and placed her on Lithium. Apparently, it’s MORE than just dementia, she is also bipolar! My mom has been on Lithium now for a week, but shows absolutely no signs of her “mood” becoming better. Let me explain her “mood” these days: she is 110% miserable all the time, everyday, all day long ... meanness, mixed with anger, mixed with crying, mixed with hate, mixed with paranoia, mixed with delusions, mixed with a heightened sexual desire, mixed with shadowing my father like a puppy dog, mixed with physical violence, mixed with childish behaviors, mixed with wandering, mixed with many obsessive compulsive activities. My mother’s #1 favorite pastime is washing any clothing/bath towels she can find in her house over and over again. My mother’s #2 favorite pastime is using her 1999 cell phone to call my father starting the moment he leaves for work everyday. My mother has a sitter who comes to stay with her during the day yet she still calls my father and fusses at him until he finally breaks and comes home early (this happens every single day). I have tried hiding her cell phone and I’ve tried unplugging the washing machine; neither does any good because my father won’t tough it out while she’s relentlessly “losing it” over not having these “pacifiers” or “security blankets”; he breaks under her constant nagging for them to be fixed/returned every time. She runs up their water bill to astronomical amounts every single month and she has reached the point of harassment calling family members (mostly my father) on her cell phone.

The worst part (yes it gets worse), my mom has reached a point of anger now where she has actually hit me twice. I am not ok with that!!! I told my father about the closed fist hit I receieved from my mother to the BACK of my head and he didn’t seem to think it was that bad of a thing ... that leads me to believe that she has probably assaulted him several times, if not regularly. She has tried to jump out of my car while I was taking her through the drive through of an ice cream shop ... just minutes before, she was begging to leave the house, then suddenly she decided she didn’t want to be where she was, she wanted to be back home. She sits on her back porch (surrounded by her family) and angrily says “I’ll be damn glad when someone takes me home”. I responded “momma you are at home.” My mother looked at me with pure hate in her eyes and screamed “shut up, just shut up, do you think I’m stupid? I live in that big White House over there.” There is no big White House anywhere near her house and she’s never lived in a big white house. She has also started asking me every time I see her if I’m my father’s girlfriend. I will say no, I’m his daughter; to which she responds “oh I bet, I know exactly what you two are doing.” Then, she will jump into my father’s lap, glare at me (like I’m her romantic rival), bury her head in his chest and start crying (extremely childish), even though she’s obviously attempting to be sexual with her behavior, it still comes across as something exactly like an upset child would do. I suppose that is where she is at now, a cross between a sex crazed geriatric and 4 year old child. It’s just weird and extremely unsettling.

I have begged my father to have her placed in an elder care facility so she can be monitored 24/7 by medical professionals. He won’t say no, but he won’t actually make steps to do anything either. My fear is that he’s waiting for some kind of horrific event to happen so he can tell himself he didn’t have a choice, I think he must have made that stupid unrealistic promise spouses always make to each other “oh honey, please don’t ever put ME in a care facility when I’m old!” I now believe anyone who ever makes a loved one promise that to them is completely selfish!!! I am just trying to prevent any further horrific events from happening. Example: During a Saturday visit to my parents house to let my 7 year old daughter visit her grandfather, my mother became manic and started screaming at me to the point of causing my child to cry ... my mother ran into the kitchen and yelled “where are all my knives?” Oddly enough, just 1 day before, against my fathers wishes, but per the request of my mother’s daytime sitter, I had removed all the scissors and knives from my parents home. Well thank god I did, right? During a fit of anger my mom runs to look for a knife? Wow!!! After being unable to find the knife she needed to slash her family into a million pieces, my mom then proceeds to run to back of the house where she removed all the clothing she had on and walked into the living room like she had proven a point. I screamed “mother!!! You are naked! There is a child in the room! What are you doing?” Can anyone give me any reason she shouldn’t be placed in a facility?