She does not eat nor does she drink much. The last couple days, she has taken to staring oddly at the picture of Jesus we have and/or at the ceiling, along with her mouth gaping open. I tried to feed her pureed food, like they did at the facility. She did not eat much there either. I feel like I am just letting her die. It feels very helpless to see her in this state. I do not sleep for fear that she will go alone. I know she is dehydrated. They said they do not "do IV's". Their form of aggressive treatment is administering pain meds to keep her comfortable. She does not speak; only is whispering mumbles. She no longer smiles. It's very hard to see her like this. I don't know how to help her. She no longer walks because she fell and fractured her hip.
My Mom passed while I was in her nursing home room.... even though she was in a coma type state she waited until her all time favorite movie was finished on TV, then 5 minutes later she was gone. It was sad yet it was a relief as her last couple of months she had very little quality of life.
We buried her Saturday, the day after Christmas. All 7 of her children were there with their families that could come. My little brother and I shared memories. It was hard to do, but I'm sure mom was happy to know that we were all together..in church...for one more time. This time, in her honor. She always wanted us to be together for Christmas, ever since years ago, my sister started hosting them at her house. At the graveside service, the priest (who lost his father on Christmas eve last year) led us in singing, "We wish you a merry Christmas." It made a sad situation bearable. I appreciate all the comforting words. Mom is a rest now. It will be hard, but as mom used to say, "You can feel sorry for yourself for 5 minutes a day, but then, you've got things to do!"
So yes, I think it's quite common. I hope this gives you some comfort.
I can't speak for others, but I have read that about people waiting to pass after everyone leaves the room.
I know that my great aunt, passed away alone too in a NH. I got this overwhelming feeling to go take her a flower I had bought for her. I was going to wait to the weekend, but I went right over and visited with her. She shared that she was worried about her adult daughter and wanted me to promise to make sure she was taken care of. I agreed. I spoke to her doctor while there, who said she was doing a little better(she had cancer and was being kept comfortable) but the next day she passed away with no family being there. I think that is the way she wanted it. She wanted me there to promise to care for her daughter, but then she wanted to be alone. I respect that.
Mamasgirl,
I would discuss your concerns with the Hospice workers. Is it possible to return her to the Hospice facility? I know that seeing a loved one that way can be very difficult. I'm sure you are doing the best you can. I would discuss your expectations with the Hospice workers and see if they can assist.
Have you sat with the hospice social worker and chaplain about these end of life issues? Are you accepting of the fact that your mom is at the end of her life? Have you read, here or elsewhere, that many folks wait until their loved one is out of the room to expire?
You need to take care of yourself during this exhausting time. You need to sleep and eat. Please reach out for some help and relief. Peace and strength to you.