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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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She refuses to be examined by Dr. She is hearing impaired, she goes out by herself. She does not want me or my siblings to help her, she is a very, very angry woman, what can we do?
What is she angry about? Is she angry with you? Can she drive safely? This anger that she has sounds like depression to me. How old is she? There's a big difference in being 50 or 90.
Babalou raises a number of good points about paranoia. If she is a danger to herself or others, call Adult Protective Services. If you are worried about her driving being unsafe, call the department of motor vehicles and report her. If you have input you want to offer her doctor, while the doctor cannot tell you anything due to HIPPA laws, you can tell the doctor anything you want. But don't display hostility toward her, there's no value in it for either of you. Otherwise, you just need to back off; maybe have a deal with a neighbor of hers or an old family friend to let you know she's doing OK and otherwise leave her alone. Sooner or later she will have an incident that will require your involvement. Inform yourself by reading up on elder law and estate law. Good luck.
What happened, or changed, around the time that she began to withdraw from you? Do you know? If you can retrace your steps and figure it out, it might help you to find a way to get through to her now - if you want to, and if it's possible.
But unless she has dementia, she makes her own choices and you are not to blame for them. It is hard, and I'm sorry.
If she is getting around by herself and doing things for herself without your help, she probably resents your intrusions. I know I would.
Leave her alone. Just call and check on her once a week, make sure she has access to email, phone, etc and lives in a safe community. If she doesn't, then make those things happen and again - leave her alone. It's her life and she's probably sick of you butting in.
When the time comes that she needs more help, call someone in help her - not you. My mother is that age and lives alone and she does just fine. She lives in a gated retirement community, has lots of friends, does things all the time with them and they check up on and take care of each other.
Again, my advise is, leave her alone. She obviously does not like you.
You let her go . Angry won't get you guardian status. Now if she wanders off in her nightie to the grocery store, the judge will put you in charge. It is so nerve-wracking to wait for that to happen, but we have to. You will chew off all your nails like many of us.
Can you communicate with her even though she's hearing impaired? Does she say what she's angry about?
Sometimes elders don't experience their children's concern about them as they grow older as a nice thing, but as condescension or an attempt to steal assets. Sometimes elders are harboring paranoid thoughts (which can be a symptom of dementia and/or mental illness) and we don't realize that that's what is going on.
Has your mom always been an angry person? If she won't be examined by a doctor (and that can be about so many things; weight, hygiene, etc) would she go to see a psychiatrist just to talk?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But unless she has dementia, she makes her own choices and you are not to blame for them. It is hard, and I'm sorry.
Leave her alone. Just call and check on her once a week, make sure she has access to email, phone, etc and lives in a safe community. If she doesn't, then make those things happen and again - leave her alone. It's her life and she's probably sick of you butting in.
When the time comes that she needs more help, call someone in help her - not you. My mother is that age and lives alone and she does just fine. She lives in a gated retirement community, has lots of friends, does things all the time with them and they check up on and take care of each other.
Again, my advise is, leave her alone. She obviously does not like you.
Sometimes elders don't experience their children's concern about them as they grow older as a nice thing, but as condescension or an attempt to steal assets. Sometimes elders are harboring paranoid thoughts (which can be a symptom of dementia and/or mental illness) and we don't realize that that's what is going on.
Has your mom always been an angry person? If she won't be examined by a doctor (and that can be about so many things; weight, hygiene, etc) would she go to see a psychiatrist just to talk?