I live with and care for my 84 year old mother. Life hasn't been easy for mom the past 10 years. Her health declined rapidly over the course of 2 years from a very persistent C. Diff infection combined with her "normal" atrial fibrillation, and she was in the hospital for a month (after nearly dying from the infection). That was her second or third C. Diff fight, as well.
Dad died 13 years ago, and she battles depression from that event, as well as anxiety and worry over her kids and grandkids' problems. The recent storms in the South did a lot of damage to some close relatives' home (and these cousins are also battling health issues). Mom's really emotionally fragile at the moment.
Well, my sister just texted me to tell me she got her very own C. Diff infection from antibiotics taken after a dental procedure. We are trying to decide whether or not to tell mom. Mom will definitely be upset if she finds out we kept it from her, but I don't know if now is the time to let her know.
Opinions?
I have seen MANY deaths from C-diff and people underestimate the number. Usually listed as complication of auto-immune or complications of cancer treatment, or whatever, it is missed that this is DEADLY. We are not talking diarrhea here, but rather explosive propulsive emptying of the body continuously, and inability to hold any nutrition, and wasting of the body.
There is no reason not to tell Mom Sister is dealing with this. Hopefully she will be one of those cured by medications. This is like any disease; would you withhold information about most diseases? Only you know Mom, her reactions to things, her worry and etc. You are the best judge of telling, or when to tell. Trust your own instincts.
I will tell you frankly, if sister isn't helped by the more comment "treatments", you need to explore fecal transplant. Research it online.
Years back, I discovered I had a latent infection called MRSA. I told my sister who is a doc, and she said I was still clear to see my parents. In this situation, check with your doc to make sure you are not actively contagious. If you’re not, I wouldn’t bring it up to mom.
Can you just let her know that she is unwell without going into details?
My point being that if I were in your situation with my mom I would probably let her know sister isn’t feeling well and probably has the flu they aren’t sure but they know it’s not COVID, something like that so sister can lay low recovering and Mom isn’t stressed that she isn’t hearing from her or something. Unless of course your sisters condition gets to the point of hospitalization in which case reevaluate, I might tell mom she is in the hospital where they can better treat her but not that they know it’s C-diff since that holds a particular fear for her until and unless you absolutely have to. C-diff doesn’t always require a hospital stay, in fact it usually doesn’t we just hear more about those cases for obvious reasons so don’t get overly worried yourself either, your mom will likely pick up on that as well. Hope your sister is better soon (tell her to eat fermented foods) and you and your mom don’t suffer too much from Moms anxiety over it.
My mother grew up in WW2, also worries about things and is very upset now with world events. I encourage her by putting on a fun TV show and saying time to get her mind off the news for awhile.
I have recently had a mini stroke but found some serious cardiac issues while in the hospital. I refuse to tell her anything until all procedures are over and I am well. I am one of her several caregivers. Its not worth upsetting her.
#1 - here your mother is to tell the tale. C diff, I survived!
#2 - your sister is a lot younger and probably has more stored nutrients to spare while she fights the infection off.
#3 - C diff is an opportunistic infection that sneaks in when your poor little gut is at a low ebb (e.g. when you're ill, or taking antibiotics alas). So it's not so much dangerous in itself, it's the malnourishment it causes that's the hazard, and is much less of a problem when you're otherwise reasonably fit and with a decent appetite.
So begin your account with "this is bad news, I'm afraid, but you know better than anyone how to manage it..." and then suggest she calls your sister and gets reassurance from her. [Agree the plan with your sister first!]
PS - it's worth passing on to your sister as well as anyone else who needs to know: Cdiff is resistant to hand gels and related sanitizers. Soap and water are needed at all of the routine infection control points.
We no longer said "grandchild is being tested for...", or "In two weeks, sibling is going to have surgery for...".
We told her happy endings only.
My DH has shown me that sometimes a little minimising ie "watering down' or delay is necessary. For kindness. (He calls it anxiety minimising strategy).
Just as Barb & Llama said, the happy ending approach. No "there was a great flood!" until "There was a great flood but everyone was saved!". Or even "There was a great flood, the people were so brave, nearly everyone was saved. They are rebuilding".
Like a news reporter, it's all in the delivery
No one tells a mother of an ugly new born that the apple of their "lovin' mama's eyes" looks like a toad. No one tells a bride on her wedding day that she really missed the mark with her hair and dress.
How about when we visit a person we care for during a great illness. Do we say that they look like heck? No we lie. And we act, and make sure that they even read it in our eyes and body language that we see them as they've alway meant to us.
We're all liars. For love and compassion's sake we are big fat liars. I hope.
Your mom, you, your family, I'm sorry to hear, have been experiencing waves of hurtful illnesses, deaths and destruction.
If you can think of a single way she can benefit from learning about more heartache have at it.
I made the mistake of telling my mother (or reminding her really) that my husband tested for diabetes It upset her a lot. My husband will be ok and we can treat or even reverse this diagnosis, but Mom was all over with emotion. If you are a family of worriers like mine, don’t tell her. Then when she is all better and through it you can all breathe a sigh of relief.