My 78-year-old father died on March 31, 2022. My 76-year-old mother is now at an assisted living facility, as she has limited mobility. But also, the four bedroom home she owns is in deplorable condition. It is so full of stuff that there is only a small walkway to enter the home and go to my old bedroom, where they would sleep on piles of stuff on the floor. Plumbing does not work and there is mold on the walls. I stepped inside for the first time since 2008 after Dad died, and it smelled like something had died in there! There is also stuff in the driveway as well as the side yard
My sister and I hired a company to come give an estimate on fixing the situation. They would do remediation, but also take every thing out of there and go through it one by one with Mom, to see what would be important to keep (as opposed to a company that would just clear everything out). After they did their assessment, they said it is unsafe for ANYONE to enter the home without the proper masks, hazmat suits, etc.
Well, Mom is livid about this. She keeps ranting about how this company is a scam and keeps saying the situation is not that bad, and if she could just get inside she could clean it out herself (which obviously cannot happen).
I really don't know what to do here. The home cannot be in this condition any longer, but nothing I have said has gotten through to her so far.
Is your Mom on Medicaid? If the State and Feds choose to take on this home, they can do clawback, but you should include your documentation on this home to whomever wishes to deal with it.
This house isn't YOUR problem unless you make yourself POA or Guardian with your Mom's permission. I wouldn't do this and I wouldn't deal with it. This home likely now needs to be demolished. That's what happens with black mold and other problems, feces infestations, et al.
I would not sink your own or Mom's money in this home. She needs that money for her care until she has no money; she can then apply for Medicaid. The home will pass in will or probate. Then that person can/has to deal with it.
Meanwhile I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole. It should be posted as it is currently a hazard and if trespassers, robbers come they need to be forwarned by law. So see to getting it posted.
Meanwhile Mom is in safe care.
As she is so uncooperative I would not take on any duties for her; let the state do that should they wish to. It is impossible enough to deal with people in this condition, and hard enough with willing, stable and organized people.
Wishing you the best.
Let the Social Worker at Mom's facilitiy know about the home's condition. If she asks what you plan to do about it let her know "Nothing. It's not our problem and is beyond our abilities and there is no money to address it".
If you do then proceed anyway with the professional cleaning crew and don't tell her. She is in AL with limited mobility. It also sounds like she has dementia. She isn't likely to be bringing herself to go to her house.
Having your mother go through her stuff piece by piece is just an exercise in futility. Is the company charging by the hour?
Tell mom the house needs to be sold and get on with it. She will never agree to any of your solutions.
And please don't donate any if it. No one wants stuff from a moldy hoarder house. Unless they are a hoarder. I doubt selling anything will be worth your time since it will all be contaminated.
If you are not your mother's PoA (and no one is) and she is not medically diagnosed with cognitive impairment, your hands are tied and you should loop in a social worker to see where this can legally go. She may be a candidate for guardianship by the county and then it will be their problem. I'm so sorry you are stuck having to deal with this.
You do not say what's wrong with mom besides mobility problems. Does she have dementia? Are you her POA? If so, I'd figure out how to sell the house and do whatever has to be done to GET it sold, then put the proceeds in the bank under mom's name so she can use the funds for Assisted Living. If dementia is at play, you won't be able to make her understand ANYTHING. All you can do is tell her the contents of the house are ALL contaminated as if they were in a fire, and nothing could be saved. Period. Don't give her too many details. Acting as her POA, in her best interests, with her safely in AL, you just do what you HAVE TO DO here, that's it. She won't be happy, but let's not forget that she created this scenario to begin with. People who hoard never believe the situation 'is that bad' or that nothing is salvageable, etc. Which is why the house got hoarded in the first place: they were unable to part with anything b/c it all had tremendous value, even the garbage. Hoarding is an anxiety disorder, in reality, so you can expect mom to react to ALL of this with anxiety. Speak to her doctor about giving her calming meds to address the entire situation, that's what I'd do.
Don't wait for her 'approval' on any of this b/c you won't get it. Just move ahead if you have POA. If you don't have POA, then see an Elder Care Attorney (certified) to see what your next steps should be.
Best of luck with a very tough situation. I hope it all turns out alright, I really do. Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace.
I would do nothing, certainly not hire anyone to go through each item, for what?
Your mother is safe, let it be, you will never convince her that her home is not ok, you are wasting your time.
Accept the reality of the situation, do nothing, back away, this is out of your ability to correct.
I suggest that the POA is the way to go, but with another quote from another company. If the POA isn't a go-er, is it possible that the local council/ authority could order it, so that you can go ahead with legal protection if Mom gets legal on you?
I know nothing about it, but there may be health and safety regulations in your municipality that require some sort of remediation. One thing I would do is stop talking to your mother about the state of the house. Hoarding is a serious mental illness and it causes nothing but anxiety for the hoarder to even think about parting with their "junk."
Start by doing an area by area. Get a dumpster. Clean out an area for things you may want to keep or sell. I started with trash. Clean out cabinets and refridgerator/freezers. Get rid of upholstered furniture and mattresses. What may be worth selling or giving to a thrift shop put aside. I gave my Moms baking pans to a friend. A lot of things went to a thrift shop. If you do room by room, it not so overwhelming. Its Summer maybe you can pay some teens to help.
Then have the township code officer come in and tell you what needs to be done to clean up the mold. It may cost more than the house is worth. We had mold in our basement room. The man came in scrubbed the wall down, let it dry a couple of days, and then used a special paint on it. You won't know anything until you get rid of the clutter.