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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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It's the paranoia of advancing dementia, suggesting for dementia is getting worse. Medication adjustment maybe the only answer. You should talk to her doctor as soon as possible and get it on record that she is saying such things to make sure you protect yourself. Your main concern is going to be Adult Protective Services if your mom complains love me enough to someone who has the legal obligation to report suspicions. If I were you, it's needed a draft a letter explaining the myriad of things she's been saying, thoroughly and in their entirety, and fax it to the doctor. Follow up with a phone call to the office manager or the doctors nurse (so, not a clerk or medical assistant), explaining the difficulty you started to have and requesting that they immediately show it to the doctor, make sure its in her file and get an appointment as soon as possible.
So Bob, your profile reads mom with dementia- Alzheimer type. I would say she is early on because she wouldn't be really able to care for herself if it were later on in the game. Does she have carers come in or just you? In any event, sounds familiar to me, the accusations of stealing is one common signal for furthering of dementia and the paranoia too. Time to visit the Geriatrician perhaps if not done so already. Maybe it is time to get carers in if she does not have anyone, or get yourself or one of the siblings to move in with her or she can move in with you if you are up to doing this, or start the process of looking into nursing homes, Medicaid etc. I would hope you have legals all sorted out, because if you don't you need to do so. I would start to get things planned and in the event she needs to move in with you, or you with her, or sister or brother in with her or she with them, get it sorted now. It makes a terrible time a tad easier in some ways.
Paranoia can be very difficult to deal with, especially as your loved ones memory begins to fail. It's not uncommon for memory lapses to lead to accusations of theft, as this is often the only logical explanation they can come up with for misplaced, and forgotten items. Missing items can be anything from from food stuff, to valuables. Most would agree that it just doesn't make sense for someone to break-in to steal food, but when it comes to valuables, anything's possible... Most often missing things mysteriously reappear. On rare occasions there is actually someone, or something, taking things. In any case, humoring them with a concerned investigation can sometimes help reassure them that they are at least being taken seriously. Just be careful not to let this approach back-fire! Be prepared for a real investigation by the police. I'm not exactly sure what to make of the hidden camera thing? There might be medication that could help with that. You might want to talk with her doctor? I know for younger people, when dealing with paranoia, it's very difficult to get them to even acknowledge their condition, let alone take their medication for it. In any case, know your not alone in having to try to reason with a failing mind. Be patient, and do your best to let them know that your on their side. Sometimes their just looking for someone who cares.
As a nurse, get her evaluated. It could be dementia, it could be schizophrenia with hallucinations. No one will know unless you get her seen ASAP. Get a gerontologist, a neurologist or a psychiatrist to get answers. Do not take her behaviors personally. If I counted how many times my husband (87 yrs) accused me of stealing his money, I'd be a millionairess.
As others have said, she needs to be seen by a gerontologist - not her regular family doc - and they in turn will have her further evaluated by a neurologist. What is good about all this is that the tests done for demenita are most excellent in determining what type of dementia she has (it is NOT all Alzheimers either) and then where she is on the spectrum of decline and get her on medications that can keep her more even in her ability and eventual decline into late stage dementia. Some med's are better for some types of dementia while others not so. Also some med's are totally bad for those with Lewy Body Dementia.
My bet - if you mom is still pretty able to do for herself...like eat, get dressed, clean up, go to the store, etc. - she has Lewy Body Dementia. For my mom with LBD, it would be episodic. She could go for weeks & weeks and then there would be an incident like the garbage guys were stopping in the service alley to steal from the garage, or the postman was taking her mail or that they put poison in her lunch at the senior center. But by & large, she seemed competent and cognitive to the world. Her neighbors were horrified when I "forced" her to move into IL too.
For your mom this is big problem if she starts to contact the police as it can snowball into a APS inquiry. If you think this is going to happen, you need to do an end run with the police. Most have a community based policing department, contact them and let them know the situation with your mom. They may require that you have a DPOA to do this. They can then notate you mom's address for eldelry with dementia so that her calls are handled appropriately.
When my mom was in IL, the last few months there, she went on a tear on being robbed in her apartment. Called the police, they came and had to file a report. First time was OK. Then the second time she got insistent that they arrest another resident who stole from her. Now none of this is happening either. What the police did was contact me about this when they were there the 2nd time and the social worker was with them too and I as her DPOA could sign off for a non-response to her calls otherwise she would be charged a fee for the police visit. This is kinda like the false fire alarm charge that fire departments can do. Really for my mom, this started happening every month or so and it was totally tied into her NOT taking her med's. After about 5 months of this type of behavior, I got her medically needing skilled nursing and into a NH. Once you get your mom tested, you can realistically look at what level of decline she is at and then plan based on that. Good luck, none of this is easy & try to keep a sense of humor.
Start with an anxiety medication. Anxiety episodes can trigger pain, increase paranoia, lead to insomnia. Your MD may add an antidepressant later. Videotape and timestamp any outburst, share that with the MD.
I get accused of stealing my mother's 'lotion', which she says she 'took' out of a store that has been closed for 15 years, in addition to other things here in her home, which I moved into 9 months ago to care for her. None of it is factual, of course, but dementia/alzheimer's varies among individuals. She also has other paranoia problems, such as locking all doors, turning off all lights, not TV or radio, but I do it anyway, while I am downstairs preparing her meals,etc. Sometimes in the middle of the night, she will burst into my bedroom saying that a man tried to 'rape' her, steal her purse and take her chihuahua dog, or ask me how she got home from a restaurant and where was her car? We sold her car months ago...so with this condition, you never know what to expect, I don't.
I do plan to try to contact my mother's Dr., as I think she does need to be seen by a gerontologist and possibly neurologist for RX help. She uses much profanity toward me every day and is very hard to deal with. Even my not so nice ex-husband ever spoke to me this way. Very, very hard to deal with, 24/7 and not having a life of your own. I just keep trying.
Please try to get her some help in. Call local council on aging for guidance.
I guess this is very common. Eight years ago, my mother, too, accused me of taking her money. She thought the smoke alarms were watching her. I wish I knew then what I know now. Here meds weren't working at all. . .They just sat there in the bottle unused. Without us to put them in her mouth, she wasn't going to take them. She's much better now that she's in AL and someone is giving her the meds. Please keep an eye on things, there is hope for an improvement. . .well, an improvement in her attitude, not an improvement in the mental state.
It does sound like paranoia which those with dementia will suffer from. One night my Mom walked her dog out our back sliding glass door to go potty and she saw a man (peeping Tom) at my sisters window and he ran off. We did not see the man ourselves but she was insistent on what she saw so I purchased motion sensor lights for the yard and fake cameras for around the house. This issue just kept building....she wanted real cameras and signs and then she hit big time, she wanted guns! That is when we had to really stop ever referring to what had happened and assure her that everything was fine, all doors and windows were locked, etc. They forget, but some things they hold on to and they can run with it and build on it.
Perhaps you should ask your Mom where the cameras are. Have her point them out and then open cupboards etc and show her there is nothing there. It might help and then again might not, all you can do is try.
As far as the safe goes, does she really have one? Have you or anyone else ever gone into it to see what if anything is in it? With Mom we went through her little one and we counted what she had and I had her write it on a paper and we closed it up with the total inside, so if anyone is ever accused we can open it up and at least count it to see if anything is indeed missing. Honestly she doesn't even remember it is there anymore or how to get into it. She is now more afraid that her checkbook is being used....it is always something!!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
if your mom complains LOUDLY enough (NOT love me enough)
if I were you, I'D IMMEDIATELY draft a letter
It's not uncommon for memory lapses to lead to accusations of theft, as this is often the only logical explanation they can come up with for misplaced, and forgotten items. Missing items can be anything from from food stuff, to valuables. Most would agree that it just doesn't make sense for someone to break-in to steal food, but when it comes to valuables, anything's possible... Most often missing things mysteriously reappear. On rare occasions there is actually someone, or something, taking things. In any case, humoring them with a concerned investigation can sometimes help reassure them that they are at least being taken seriously. Just be careful not to let this approach back-fire! Be prepared for a real investigation by the police.
I'm not exactly sure what to make of the hidden camera thing? There might be medication that could help with that. You might want to talk with her doctor? I know for younger people, when dealing with paranoia, it's very difficult to get them to even acknowledge their condition, let alone take their medication for it.
In any case, know your not alone in having to try to reason with a failing mind. Be patient, and do your best to let them know that your on their side.
Sometimes their just looking for someone who cares.
Some med's are better for some types of dementia while others not so. Also some med's are totally bad for those with Lewy Body Dementia.
My bet - if you mom is still pretty able to do for herself...like eat, get dressed, clean up, go to the store, etc. - she has Lewy Body Dementia. For my mom with LBD, it would be episodic. She could go for weeks & weeks and then there would be an incident like the garbage guys were stopping in the service alley to steal from the garage, or the postman was taking her mail or that they put poison in her lunch at the senior center. But by & large, she seemed competent and cognitive to the world. Her neighbors were horrified when I "forced" her to move into IL too.
For your mom this is big problem if she starts to contact the police as it can snowball into a APS inquiry. If you think this is going to happen, you need to do an end run with the police. Most have a community based policing department, contact them and let them know the situation with your mom. They may require that you have a DPOA to do this. They can then notate you mom's address for eldelry with dementia so that her calls are handled appropriately.
When my mom was in IL, the last few months there, she went on a tear on being robbed in her apartment. Called the police, they came and had to file a report. First time was OK. Then the second time she got insistent that they arrest another resident who stole from her. Now none of this is happening either. What the police did was contact me about this when they were there the 2nd time and the social worker was with them too and I as her DPOA could sign off for a non-response to her calls otherwise she would be charged a fee for the police visit. This is kinda like the false fire alarm charge that fire departments can do. Really for my mom, this started happening every month or so and it was totally tied into her NOT taking her med's. After about 5 months of this type of behavior, I got her medically needing skilled nursing and into a NH. Once you get your mom tested, you can realistically look at what level of decline she is at and then plan based on that. Good luck, none of this is easy & try to keep a sense of humor.
I do plan to try to contact my mother's Dr., as I think she does need to be seen by a gerontologist and possibly neurologist for RX help. She uses much profanity toward me every day and is very hard to deal with. Even my not so nice ex-husband ever spoke to me this way. Very, very hard to deal with, 24/7 and not having a life of your own. I just keep trying.
Please try to get her some help in. Call local council on aging for guidance.
Perhaps you should ask your Mom where the cameras are. Have her point them out and then open cupboards etc and show her there is nothing there. It might help and then again might not, all you can do is try.
As far as the safe goes, does she really have one? Have you or anyone else ever gone into it to see what if anything is in it? With Mom we went through her little one and we counted what she had and I had her write it on a paper and we closed it up with the total inside, so if anyone is ever accused we can open it up and at least count it to see if anything is indeed missing. Honestly she doesn't even remember it is there anymore or how to get into it. She is now more afraid that her checkbook is being used....it is always something!!!
God Bless You!