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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I agree with the other posters. The only thing I might add is that you tell your mom how thankful you are to have her, and maybe gently question her to find out if she's hanging on to life because she feels there is a reason she must not let go.
One thing that always cheered my mom up was to watch music videos of her favorite kinds of tunes. We would sometimes just sit silently with her, and maybe hold her hand, while we watched. It seemed to transport her away for at least a little time.
Along the "ask the doctor" lines - it might be good to check vitamin levels of B and D vitamins. I'm a huge fan of food as medicine! :-)
My father and mother in law are both 85. My dad has prostate bone cancer among a ton of other problems and my mother in law has heart disease, kidney failure and now Lukeinma. We have almost lost both of them this year several times. My husband has had two heart attacks in the last two years, 4 all total.
This year I have spent between them 25 weeks in the hospital.
Everyone wanted them to be put some where except them. I fought to keep them at home beacuse there are so many services out there now that will help them cheaper than a nursing home, plus it allows them to stay in their home environments. At times I have wondered if this was the right thing to do but it has worked for them. They both are tired of living but when they are at home it keeps them going because of their surroundings and gives them hope. They both are doing much better now and dont speak as often of wanting to die. When they go to the hospital and Dr. wanting to die comes out more often. SInce they have been put on Hospice the nurses go to them and they dont have as many Dr. Visits. That has helped a lot also.
Hospice has been wonderful. When they get depressed I let Hospice know and they send someone to speak to them. That seems to help.
I am not for sure how to answer your question, I dont think anyone has the right answer. Its hard to see the ones you love hurt. I just wont give up on them until they are gone. There is a reason they are still with us in the condition they are in, sad but true. I let them know they are giving us gifts they truly dont realize they are giving those around them. God has a plan. That seems to help also because it makes them feel they still have worth and the pain is for a reason.
She could be clinically depressed, so you should talk to the docotr about it. However, my mother expressed that wish to me often, especially after my dad died. Her pain was severe and she was plain miserable. Hospice helped he be more comfortable, but she was, quite frankly, "ready to go." Some people do get where their quality of life is so poor that life isn't worth it for them.
Our health care system can keep bodies alive a long time, long after the spirit is tired. Please don't be negative with her or say "don't say that, Mom!" Tell her you love her and you will do everything you can to keep her comfortable. Tell her that you can understand why her life is so hard. Ask her if you can do anything more to help. Then keep on doing what you are doing.
I know this is hard - I've been there. Mom used to say to me, "Can't you just give me a 'little black pill?'" I'd say no, I couldn't, but I'd do everything I could to make her life as good as it can be. I cry for you - this is very tough.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
One thing that always cheered my mom up was to watch music videos of her favorite kinds of tunes. We would sometimes just sit silently with her, and maybe hold her hand, while we watched. It seemed to transport her away for at least a little time.
Along the "ask the doctor" lines - it might be good to check vitamin levels of B and D vitamins. I'm a huge fan of food as medicine! :-)
Ruth
This year I have spent between them 25 weeks in the hospital.
Everyone wanted them to be put some where except them. I fought to keep them at home beacuse there are so many services out there now that will help them cheaper than a nursing home, plus it allows them to stay in their home environments. At times I have wondered if this was the right thing to do but it has worked for them. They both are tired of living but when they are at home it keeps them going because of their surroundings and gives them hope. They both are doing much better now and dont speak as often of wanting to die. When they go to the hospital and Dr. wanting to die comes out more often. SInce they have been put on Hospice the nurses go to them and they dont have as many Dr. Visits. That has helped a lot also.
Hospice has been wonderful. When they get depressed I let Hospice know and they send someone to speak to them. That seems to help.
I am not for sure how to answer your question, I dont think anyone has the right answer. Its hard to see the ones you love hurt. I just wont give up on them until they are gone. There is a reason they are still with us in the condition they are in, sad but true. I let them know they are giving us gifts they truly dont realize they are giving those around them. God has a plan. That seems to help also because it makes them feel they still have worth and the pain is for a reason.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Our health care system can keep bodies alive a long time, long after the spirit is tired. Please don't be negative with her or say "don't say that, Mom!" Tell her you love her and you will do everything you can to keep her comfortable. Tell her that you can understand why her life is so hard. Ask her if you can do anything more to help. Then keep on doing what you are doing.
I know this is hard - I've been there. Mom used to say to me, "Can't you just give me a 'little black pill?'" I'd say no, I couldn't, but I'd do everything I could to make her life as good as it can be. I cry for you - this is very tough.
Blessings,
Carol