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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
So what would happen if you signed her up for daycare? Sometimes it isn't a matter of asking them what they want, but telling them what YOU want. If you want a little time to run errands or just to spend some time apart you tell her that is the price she pays for being in your care. Perhaps offering one or two choices and allow her to pick will make it more palatable to her. Daycare? Senior's centre? In home companion? A new address lol?
I think when one person agrees to be the caregiver for another person sacrifices have to be made on both sides. Usually it's the caregiver who ends up making most of the sacrifices but maybe it's time to discuss with your mom the sacrifices she needs to be making in order to have you continue to care for her.
Unfortunately, if she refuses senior programs and adult daycare and such there's not a lot you can do about it. You can't force her to go. How advanced is her dementia? Is she unable to be rational? I'm going to guess yes since the ability to be rational starts to erode early on in dementia.
If your mom is content to sit there and watch TV all day there may be nothing you can do about it but it's worth trying to talk to her about it. You can't shove her into the car and make her go but maybe she'll talk to you about it. Of course this all depends upon how advanced her dementia is.
Are you caring for your mother on your own, Charles, or is there any other family involved? What aspects of her daily routine are you beginning to find challenging - is it her safety, are you anxious about her mental welfare, are there physical tasks creeping in?
Why does her sitting in her room and watching tv make it difficult to care for her? Some people just don't like going out and doing activities, especially if she's getting dementia, as you state above. Getting dementia can make you confused, anxious, depressed and scared. Going to a strange place with lots of strangers may not appeal to her. I get it. Why can't she just stay at home and watch tv?
Is she doing things when you are not there that causes you concern? Do you think it's unsafe to leave her unattended? If that's the case, then she will have to do what you say so you can keep her in the home. I'd try to explain that, but she may not be able to digest it. If she is scared, anxious or depressed, I would discuss it with her doctor to see if medication could help.
There are several sources of help available to persons who are disabled or have dementia.
Are you hoping to keep her home with you, or are you considering placing her in a care center?
Don't feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed. That is a pretty standard part of the journey. Give us a little more information about what is going on and what you need help with. We care, and probably some of us have already been there and survived that.
There are people you can pay under the table to stop in, paid on an hourly basis, sometimes churches and senior centers have lists. There are paid companions through an agency, like 'At Home', much more expensive, minimum of 2 hours per day, about $25 an hour (they usually don't do any personal care, but at the beginning of the patient's decline they take them to doctors appointments, out shopping, do little things around the house - light housekeeping. Some will help change diapers, some are strictly 'I'm here to check in and fix your lunch and a snack for later'. A home health aide through visiting nurses association can come by for bathing, hair washing, etc. (they do NOT cut toenails). Mom sitting watching TV is perfectly fine, really, if that's what she wants to do, let her. This is nearing the end of her life, what else do you expect her to be doing if she is not sociable and doesn't want to make an effort to go out visiting?
You could always try hiring a companion or sitter. Having a new person to talk to might get her out of her shell a bit. My cousin has been working as a companion to an elderly man and taking him to appointments, and they both ended up enjoying the company.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Perhaps offering one or two choices and allow her to pick will make it more palatable to her. Daycare? Senior's centre? In home companion? A new address lol?
Unfortunately, if she refuses senior programs and adult daycare and such there's not a lot you can do about it. You can't force her to go. How advanced is her dementia? Is she unable to be rational? I'm going to guess yes since the ability to be rational starts to erode early on in dementia.
If your mom is content to sit there and watch TV all day there may be nothing you can do about it but it's worth trying to talk to her about it. You can't shove her into the car and make her go but maybe she'll talk to you about it. Of course this all depends upon how advanced her dementia is.
Is she doing things when you are not there that causes you concern? Do you think it's unsafe to leave her unattended? If that's the case, then she will have to do what you say so you can keep her in the home. I'd try to explain that, but she may not be able to digest it. If she is scared, anxious or depressed, I would discuss it with her doctor to see if medication could help.
Are you hoping to keep her home with you, or are you considering placing her in a care center?
Don't feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed. That is a pretty standard part of the journey. Give us a little more information about what is going on and what you need help with. We care, and probably some of us have already been there and survived that.