First off, just being here makes me feel bad but I'm frustrated and almost at the end of my rope. My mom who has dementia, though she does good independently as far as daily needs go except for eating, has me frustrated because I have tried everything to get her to eat and gain weight. Now I've finally found a way for that to happen without her eating large portions or constant meals. My mom and I have gotten into some uneasy moments when I found her throwing food out into the yard or her milkshake down the drain because she would tell me later she ate and drank everything. She won't tell me simple things anymore. Like today she threw away her multivitamin and calcium pill because they were too big. I explained to her that I can split them in half. In her defense they are pretty large however they are easily halved. She just shuts down and won't talk and just says okay. I don't yell at her because I know it does no good. She goes no where, won't leave the house except for when she has doctor appointments and even that is a chore. I'm burnt out and so is my husband. I take care of patients almost everyday of the week and I know I'm burnt out but this is my mom and I don't want to feel this way about her but I am getting fed up. We've tried megace for appetite and it doesn't work for her. How I don't know she's seems immune to it. I cook her high calorie pasta, two one cup servings, and give her a 12 oz shake to drink a day and that is all I've asked of her for the past 2 months or so. So far it's worked and she has gained weight, but now it seems she's just dug in her heels and refusing to help me to help her. I'm already overstressed and got anxiety out the wazoo and I don't want this to come out onto her but she just keeps either not listening or not caring it seems. I've got a week off coming up and I'm going to sit down and talk with her cause I want to see my momma get her weight back and be healthy and happy again. Covid doesn't help things. I'd like to send her to like a senior center just to meet people and see other people. Just simple interactions with others. I've been dealing with this for the past 3 years now. I'm exhausted.
Advice? Input? Experiences?
burnout I’m with you. Just finally hit the wall after last week bloody awfulness and hear everything you’re saying, you’re doing everything you can re keeping her weight up. If you’ve got a week off, make sure some of it is off. I took a day off during the week and if felt amazing - I got 6 hours sleep for a start.
over here (I’m in the uk) things are starting to ease a tiny bit and community groups are still going do try. I know my dad won’t go to them - he is housebound and very frail, but it might help your mum start feeling ok about going out and there’s always a cuppa and biscuits at these groups. Plus you’ll get a break xxx do make sure you try and get a break next week - I don’t mean a holiday a few days clocking off from it xx
Forget about insisting she take vitamins and supplements that are the size of horse pills, what's the point? Pick your battles because you'll face A LOT of them if you continue to provide in home care for a dementia patient. Things only continue to go downhill, unfortunately.
Lying and confabulation are also part of dementia behavior. Telling you she ate everything, then throwing it in the yard or down the drain is her way of maintaining control over the last thing she feels she HAS any control over. Food. She will easily make up a story to get her way and may even believe the story is true! If she isn't hungry she won't eat and will do whatever is required to get her way. You talking to her about it won't change anything, at least not long term bc she'll either forget the talk or pretend not to have heard what you said. My mother with advanced dementia will move heaven and earth to get her way, even if it means lying like a rug!
Once she has a visit with the doc and gets some anti depressants, if she still won't eat, get her a hospice evaluation. She may be approaching end of life times now, you don't know. And if not, mentioning a hospice evaluation may be just the nudge she needs to get 'hungry' again. Dementia sufferers, by the way, love the taste of sweet, so think about offering her sweet tasting foods like yoghurt fruit sweet potato with honey, etc. Switch the shake out for a SMALL milkshake with ice cream. Shakes like Ensure or protein shakes taste quite nasty, in reality. Offer her small portions more frequently of LIGHTER foods in general.
Your mom may be further along the dementia process than you realize. Behaviors change as the condition progresses, although the changes can be small and seem insignificant, they add up to big deficits over time. I am staggered to see how far my mom has declined just over the past 6 months. She's morphed into an entirely different person due to the dementia destroying her brain. Keep an eye on if she gets worse in the late afternoon, which is known as Sundowning and appears with moderate to later stage dementia and Alzheimer's.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation
In the morning, I make her a big cup of St. johns wort tea.I put a scoop of collagen peptides powder in with her tea.
After a few weeks she seemed to a little happier and more talkative. I could be wrong, but it's something to try.
The extra protein also seemed to clear up the purple spots on her forearms.