My mother is 75 and has been experiencing vascular related dementia for the last 3 years. Although on medication, the condition has slowly gotten worse over time. Lately, she has been sending emails late at night that accuse me of not being a loving or supportive child. She often rants and accuses us of consulting lawyers and forcing her to sign papers against her will (which has not happened). My relationship with my mother was always a very strong and healthy one. As a single parent, we have always been very close. It is very disturbing to receive these emails that basically tell me that I am a no-good, ungrateful person. When I call her the next day, she has no recollection and acts as though nothing happened. My paranoia is that the emails are reflecting a true and suppressed opinion......or is it just the dementia. Other friends and family have received late night emails that are often bizarre or do not make any sense. Has anyone else dealt with similar issues? Is this common? Many thanks for any advice or feedback
Talk to a doctor who could consider a low dose of maybe an anti-anxiety med even if a little sedating to be given in the evenings. This is a tough problem though....
Maybe send her sweet e-mails with happy pictures! Maybe during her better times of day she can enjoy them.
my mother accused me of stealing money , trying to poison her , and being an imposter during her last weeks of life . you know what made it ok ? i had read every article i could get my hands on about dementia and end of life issues .
i knew what to expect ..
i recall that during my divorce several years ago from a manic depressant , her delusions of being persecuted and " feelings of being controlled " were so mindbending to me that i went to the library and read my ass off on the subject . a great writer in one of the books handed out some very helpful advice . he said that the mentally ill person has pathway problems in the brain and they actually believe their own pack of " distortions and exxagerations " and if youre not extremely careful they will sob off to a judge and have you swinging from a gallows .
i ( with humor ) recall my ex and oldest son teaming up with all kinds of absurd allegations against me . i remember telling them that the TRUTH was enough to have me hanged -- goddam , ease up with the LIES ..
lastly , i send vulgar and insulting emails to everybody i know if i get bored ( drunk and bored ) enough . im single , i have a lot of leisure time on my hands .
And you have to quit thinking that these delusional emails may be showing some "true thought or feeling" that your mom has. Her brain is broken with her vascular dementia and she's not thinking clearly. The loving mom in the daytime is the real person. The evening "person" is the disease speaking. So don't torture yourself with that kind of reflection. It's a hurt that you don't have to feel.