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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Hi Jay, Welcome to the Forum. Your profile says that you are a retired NYC Fireman now caring for your Mom. We need lots more information from you in order to help with your issue. Do you live with your Mom in her home, or does she now live with you? At 70 your Mom is quite young in this day and age; can you tell us what underlying issues medical or otherwise led to your being Mom's caregiver? What does Mom weigh? Does you Mom see a trusted doctor and are you her POA? Is Mom an alcoholic? Have you sought out Al-Anon (and if there is alcoholism it is an excellent place to start for support and for information). I hope you can tell us more so we can supply you with some ideas. Best to you.
Good insights have been given to you. I'm so sorry for the sadness this is causing. I will only add that If you know your mom is driving while impaired and you can't stop her, call 911 the minute she gets in her car and starts it. Maybe a good DUI and court-ordered rehad will at least slow her down (and protect others on the road).
Sadly, unless your mom has been dxed with something specific-as in dementia, you really can't DO anything.
She has the right to eat or not, drink or not, etc. You obviously don't agree (and realistically, she must be eating more than 1 mouthful of food per week!) She is slowly killing herself.
She will wind up being successful at that, or in the ER with liver failure.
I think we all need to see more information in order to make a real call here.
Dear Jay, this comes under the ‘mean but realistic’ category. If your mother is an unreformed alcoholic and her behavior is going to kill her, let her go ahead. You can’t change her. That’s what she wants. You will be better off without her. An aging alcoholic (or reformed and resentful) mother for years and years is no blessing to either of you.
When mom gets very sick from lack of food/nutrition and drinking only booze and gets rushed to the hospital for liver failure or serious pain, then the doctors will discuss options with her. Until then, according to your profile, mom lives alone (sounds like to me anyway) and is entitled to kill herself with this behavior and there isn't a darn thing you or anyone else can do about it. You can't force a person to change their bad habits; it's like trying to make a smoker quit smoking b/c they're 'killing themselves' with cigarettes. Yeah, not gonna happen.
Even if you DO live together, you and mom, what can YOU do to 'make' her stop drinking and start eating better? If she's driving, she can buy her own food and drink. If you throw out her stash, she'll buy more. If she's not driving, she can call the liquor store and order her own supply to be delivered. See where I'm going with this? She's got to be the one who wants to change, that's the only way permanent change will happen and be long lasting.
Maybe ask mom out to dinner a couple of times a week and buy her a good meal so you know she's eating at least then.
Does mom live alone? has she been diagnosed with any medical conditions?
If mom is cognizant she can live how she wants, eat or not eat what she wants and drink or not as she wishes.
If, I should say when mom falls and is taken to the hospital you can tell the staff that she does not have a caregiver at home, she is unsafe to be alone and to discharge her to her home would be unsafe. If mom is evaluated and found incompetent you could become her Guardian at that point you can make some decisions that might ensure that she is safe. But if she is placed in rehab or a memory care facility they can offer food and fluids but they can not force her to eat or drink.
If your mom is an alcoholic there might not be much you can do to stop her. If she is cognizant she has to WANT to stop drinking. If she has dementia you can make sure she does not have access to alcohol.
You might want to provide more info for better responses.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Welcome to the Forum.
Your profile says that you are a retired NYC Fireman now caring for your Mom.
We need lots more information from you in order to help with your issue.
Do you live with your Mom in her home, or does she now live with you?
At 70 your Mom is quite young in this day and age; can you tell us what underlying issues medical or otherwise led to your being Mom's caregiver?
What does Mom weigh?
Does you Mom see a trusted doctor and are you her POA?
Is Mom an alcoholic?
Have you sought out Al-Anon (and if there is alcoholism it is an excellent place to start for support and for information).
I hope you can tell us more so we can supply you with some ideas.
Best to you.
She has the right to eat or not, drink or not, etc. You obviously don't agree (and realistically, she must be eating more than 1 mouthful of food per week!) She is slowly killing herself.
She will wind up being successful at that, or in the ER with liver failure.
I think we all need to see more information in order to make a real call here.
BTW, 70 is NOT old.
Even if you DO live together, you and mom, what can YOU do to 'make' her stop drinking and start eating better? If she's driving, she can buy her own food and drink. If you throw out her stash, she'll buy more. If she's not driving, she can call the liquor store and order her own supply to be delivered. See where I'm going with this? She's got to be the one who wants to change, that's the only way permanent change will happen and be long lasting.
Maybe ask mom out to dinner a couple of times a week and buy her a good meal so you know she's eating at least then.
Good luck!
has she been diagnosed with any medical conditions?
If mom is cognizant she can live how she wants, eat or not eat what she wants and drink or not as she wishes.
If, I should say when mom falls and is taken to the hospital you can tell the staff that she does not have a caregiver at home, she is unsafe to be alone and to discharge her to her home would be unsafe.
If mom is evaluated and found incompetent you could become her Guardian at that point you can make some decisions that might ensure that she is safe.
But if she is placed in rehab or a memory care facility they can offer food and fluids but they can not force her to eat or drink.
If your mom is an alcoholic there might not be much you can do to stop her.
If she is cognizant she has to WANT to stop drinking. If she has dementia you can make sure she does not have access to alcohol.
You might want to provide more info for better responses.