She been on Zoloft then add trazodone. Zoloft took away her appetite at 75mg trazodone want put her to sleep at 50mg
Depakote 2 125mg tablets was added with the other 2 medications . Mood had still not improved with taking 250 mg of Depakote 50 Zoloft I stop the trazodone because it not putting her to sleep anyway. She been refusing to take her meds lately when I do get it in her she sleeping alot peeing in the bed more and sliding on the floor out her bed. She has a tall headboard she can grab before she like to sleep on the edge of the bed. Nothing I can do about it she want move over. She's very stubborn. Her has sled on the floor 2 times in a 6 hr period. I think it's the Depakote they put her on recently. She wasn't doing these things before the Depakote was added 2 months ago. Her appetite is completely gone. My reason kaiser memory department said these meds would help with her bad attitude and meanest. She still don't listen to me it take 1000's of mama do this and do that. She do it when she want smelling and all. Showering is very difficult to get her to do.. She will pee on herself and say she didn't do it. She never take accountability for anything mess ups. Think about CBD edibles. I just want her to comply to my request and I leave her be in her room. I've learned to just take her food and clean her room. But when she get to smelling I have to most time force her to get in the shower. I don't want my home smelling like a nursing home. And her room is next to the frt door.
You have attempted care in the home.
It's time to understand now that you are a grownup with a right to your own life.
At 81 I am here to tell you that your mother and I have HAD our lives.
This is your time.
If you choose to stay trying to do this care, then that is your choice to make and to live with the consequences of.
Drug cocktails are notoriously difficult to get right. I am sure Kaiser did not say that this WOULD help, but rather that they hoped it would help. I know Kaiser and they would more than likely be honest with you to say that this is very difficult, drugs and drug cocktails. Even when something DOES work it doesn't always keep working. And the side effects are many including falls and etc.
This is a very bad situation for which there may not be a "fix". That is how it goes at times. To believe there is a fix for the vagaries of aging is to grasp onto some magical thinking.
I am so sorry. I think it is time for you to understand that this is not going to get better. I would request Palliative care and/or Hospice (when applicable, and I would place your poor Mom in care.
This is a situation without a "good" answer imho as an old retired RN.
What will help you the most is to learn engagement strategies for people with dementia. Dementia robs people of their abilities to use reason and logic, so you cannot waste your breath trying to convince them of anything. This leads to poor judgment. They also lose their ability to have empathy for others. They lose their sense of time, they are less able to recognize their body signals (like full bladder, pain, etc), they sundown, they can't bring their minds to a place of acceptance and calm anymore. I know it's so aggravating to deal with an uncooperative person all day long, day in and day out. Mostly exhausting when you're the only one. But your Mom is not longer able to control most of her decisions or actions.
I learned a lot from watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving. Please start watching some so you can learn tactics to have more peaceful and productive interactions with your Mom.
You can also call social services for your county to talk to a social worker and have them do a needs assessment for your Mom. If you are not PoA for your Mom, you can consider having a judge assign a 3rd party guardian for her. Then the guardian would be responsible to find placement for her and take care of all her needs. Your Mom is only 74 and you've already been providing care for 6 years already... you need a permanent break since she can need care for many more years.
I wish you success in finding an option that works for YOU.
It may be time to consider placement . My mother would not shower or let any hired help in the home . I ended up placing her . She was still mean to me for a long time when I visited until her dementia got worse .
I don't think there are any meds that would help someone with listening better with dementia in play. Showers are often very hard for dementia patients. Of course, she does not take accountability for anything. Don't expect things like that from her broken brain.
Ugh, the smell. How can you stand it? I strongly suggest you either get lots of help at home or place mom somewhere. This is just way too much to handle at home. I agree with Alva about considering palliative or hospice care. Her dementia seems very advanced to me.
Best of luck.