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My mother has dementia. I asked her why she peed in a cup, and she responded that she didn't want to bother going to the bathroom. She's very capable of going to the bathroom and wears depends with liners. She stops for a while after I talk sternly with her about it, but she starts up a month or two later. What is weird is that she looks for cups to pee in; she actually makes that effort. So frustrating. Any advice?

Thank you for all the advice. I will take every one of them into consideration.
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Reply to patriciawatrak
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My half brother is an unmedicated schizophrenic and pees in a mayonaisse jar he keeps next to his bed. Only God knows when he empties it out, probably when it's overflowing. Brain damage from electric shock treatments as a young child keep him doing strange things and acting in strange ways. Brain damage from dementia acts the same way. Stop telling mom what not to do and expecting her to abide by that rule. Her brain automatically reverts back to wanting to pee in a cup. Either dress her in an anti strip suit as Geaton recommends or let her keep peeing in a cup. Just make sure it's a big plastic Solo cup.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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AlvaDeer Nov 26, 2024
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Now where DID I empty that?
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Oh, golly! I think I am THERE. At 82 I do admit to some "urgency" with a full bladder. The other day my SO was in the bathroom (our ONE bathroom) so long that I grabbed a red plastic cup out of the cupboard and pee-ed in it. Yup. I kid you not. Told SO when he got out, "If you are going to go in there and sit for an hour and THEN shower, DO ask if I need to go first!!!"

OK, so I can see this happening. Once. Looks like now it's a habit, and that's unfortunately our brain on dementia. I am quite amazed that she can do this without spilling; I didn't find it easy!

You tell us you have spoken to her about this? And that hasn't worked. So this is something set in her mind. Might a bedside commode in her room be the answer? It's the only one I have.

If this is end stage dementia there may be other and worse habits coming, and more dangerous ones, and at some point at end stage, when there is no reasoning and things become habitual, there is no other answer than several shifts of several people each watching over things. I am talking thinking of placement in future?
If talking and reminding and commodes don't work, and if there are other things (I would suspect?) this may be a quality of life issue for YOU.

I wish I had a better answer. I sure wish you the best of luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Have you tried keeping a bedside commode right next to wherever she is, so all she has to do is stand up and sit on the bedside commode to pee? That way she doesn't have to "bother going to the bathroom" as it will be right next to her.
It's certainly worth a shot.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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An option is something called "adaptive clothing" for people with dementia. There's an anti-strip jumpsuit that you can put on her and she won't be able to take it off without your help. Or maybe she just wears it at night. Or, you can put a commode chair next to her bed to see if she thinks that's easier than using a cup.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Find a doctor who specializes in dementia care.

Sounds like redirecting her to the bathroom would be a start. If she is one who is stubborn, it may become a battle of the wills.

Remove the cups and tell her cups are for drinking and not peeing.

Does she have a home health aide? Getting her on a toilet schedule of every two hours may work. It's called bowel and bladder training.
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Reply to Scampie1
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How frustrating!

BUT--your mom's brain is broken. She no longer always equates peeing with a toilet. You can dang your head on the wall for 10 hrs and you won't be able to change this behavior b/c that skill, for mom, is gone.

You can only adapt to her. Place a stack of those big red SOLO cups in the bathroom only, along with moist wipes. If that is the only place she can 'find' cups, hopefully you can re-direct her focus to use those, instead of any random cup she finds lying around.

In time, you may find that she gives up the cups and uses the Depends. Dementia is a new battle every day, isn't it?!
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Reply to Midkid58
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