My mother has dementia. I asked her why she peed in a cup, and she responded that she didn't want to bother going to the bathroom. She's very capable of going to the bathroom and wears depends with liners. She stops for a while after I talk sternly with her about it, but she starts up a month or two later. What is weird is that she looks for cups to pee in; she actually makes that effort. So frustrating. Any advice?
BUT--your mom's brain is broken. She no longer always equates peeing with a toilet. You can dang your head on the wall for 10 hrs and you won't be able to change this behavior b/c that skill, for mom, is gone.
You can only adapt to her. Place a stack of those big red SOLO cups in the bathroom only, along with moist wipes. If that is the only place she can 'find' cups, hopefully you can re-direct her focus to use those, instead of any random cup she finds lying around.
In time, you may find that she gives up the cups and uses the Depends. Dementia is a new battle every day, isn't it?!
get a Katie’s one so rim is wider. Old people can get VERY lazy and careless - mixture of effort it takes and laziness
OK, so I can see this happening. Once. Looks like now it's a habit, and that's unfortunately our brain on dementia. I am quite amazed that she can do this without spilling; I didn't find it easy!
You tell us you have spoken to her about this? And that hasn't worked. So this is something set in her mind. Might a bedside commode in her room be the answer? It's the only one I have.
If this is end stage dementia there may be other and worse habits coming, and more dangerous ones, and at some point at end stage, when there is no reasoning and things become habitual, there is no other answer than several shifts of several people each watching over things. I am talking thinking of placement in future?
If talking and reminding and commodes don't work, and if there are other things (I would suspect?) this may be a quality of life issue for YOU.
I wish I had a better answer. I sure wish you the best of luck.
You get her into the bathroom and you monitor her.
Use the trip to the bathroom like a break, get a cup of tea or juice and a cup of yogurt or take a walk or have her help you start to fix lunch or dinner.
The every 2 hours may seem like a lot but it also keeps her moving and that can help prevent pressure sores in the future.
Sounds like redirecting her to the bathroom would be a start. If she is one who is stubborn, it may become a battle of the wills.
Remove the cups and tell her cups are for drinking and not peeing.
Does she have a home health aide? Getting her on a toilet schedule of every two hours may work. It's called bowel and bladder training.
After helping my dad to the toilet, I stepped out briefly to check my email. A minute or two later, I noticed him going from room to room, naked from the waist down and bewildered, his hands cupped together full of feces. As I scrambled to contain the situation, my sister descended upon us, screaming and cursing. Here I was in the middle, trying to help Dad to the bathroom as he was trying to hand his payload over to me, and my sister screaming into my ear at the top of her lungs, all the way to the bathroom and beyond.
Sometimes behaviors associated with bathroom and incontinence may seem bizarre at first. The patient may put their hands in their pants and then wipe their soiled hands on the wall to clean them. Or, they may manage to remove their pants and underwear, but then forgetting what to do next, may defecate in their own hands. They might mistake another room for the toilet, lift the corner of the rug like a toilet seat cover, do their business on the floor, and then put the rug back down over it.
As with everything else in dementia, you have to deal with such behaviors in a calm and collected way. The patient is already confused. Any frustration, agitation, or cursing on your part will only make things worse. Instead, try to reassure the patient with kindness so they feel comfortable allowing you to help them. You must be prepared to give up whatever you are doing, calmly take the patient’s hand and, without a lot of talking, walk them to the bathroom.
In general, the caregiver should accompany the patient into the bathroom. If the patient does not allow you to remain in the bathroom, stay close and vigilant so you can intervene if they forget what to do or start to make a mess. Above all, intervene in a calm and friendly manner. Although the patient may not be comfortable with your presence initially, if your help comes tactfully and with due respect for their privacy, they will slowly begin to trust you to help them.
It's certainly worth a shot.
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