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She has severe macular degeneration and has decided she does not want to leave her condo. She has no other physical issues. She has an aide during the day and when I don’t order any chocolate for her to have in the house she gets furious with the aides and very abusive to them. I am afraid they will quit. Her friends bring her chocolate even tho I ask them to stop. They say she is so old she should be able to do what she wants. All she does is sit in the sofa all day listening to the radio and is starting to have trouble standing up due to her weight. I don’t know what to do.

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Feed her chocolate. She is 99 years old. Let her eat herself to the grave if she wants.
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There is diabetic chocolate without sugar. I don't know how expensive it is.
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Grandma1954 Jan 2020
calories are still high and there is a side effect to the sugar free stuff. (bloating, gas and diarrhea)
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Is there a way to limit the number of candies she has in a day? This is not cutting the candy out totally but cutting back. Even if she ate half of what she currently is eating that might be better.
Dealing with depression can be difficult. Add in low vision and depression can be worse. You are depressed don't get out and become more depressed. Is there an Adult Day Care that she might be willing to go to? An active Senior Center? Both would get her out for a bit, usually 1/2 to 3/4 of the day. She would be out and socializing. If she does not have access to either would the aide be able to get her out for a bit each day even if it is out of her condo to the lobby or to the street corner, park just out for 15 minutes or so then try to increase the time out. ...Reward when she gets back a piece of candy.
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What you do is let her life her life. She’s 99 years old. LET HER EAT HER CHOCOLATE. I’m sure her age has something to do with why she’s starting to have difficulty standing up.
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Hmmm...this is a tricky one. Although I agree that at her age and diminished pleasures of life she should eat what she wants, she could also have developed OCD or a fixation that comes with dementia. Also, the OP has to deal with the fall-out of her poor eating habits and weight gain. It's not like her mom is just going to fall asleep and ascend into heaven on a cloud of chocolate. She'll develop other health problems first that will make her and the OP MORE miserable and caring for her more difficult. Maybe consider speaking to her doc to see if this is like a fixation and if there's meds to address it. Also, something for depression. I think this is the lesser of the evils. I'm so sorry you have to try to figure out this tricky situation. Also, I would call her friends and tell them they are welcomed to visit but without chocolate unless they want to help kill her in a slow and miserable way. Good luck!
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jacobsonbob Feb 2020
...or the visitors could be asked to bring small or token amounts, such as a tiny bar or a Hershey Kiss. (By the way, happy Valentine's day to all the dedicated caregivers, especially the women who make up most of them!)
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Let her eat whatever she wants. If you buy her quality chocolate, I find that cuts the craving in half or more. Those Lindt chocolate truffles? I order them for Xmas and get 375 at a time. Super cheap and so good. Pop them in the freezer and pull out 10 or more each day. She might find them much more satisfying than 'kid chocolate' which is often made of a wax fillers and don't scratch that itch.
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worriedinCali Jan 2020
Yep. And if she likes dark chocolate, all the better because of the health benefits.
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I do find this a bit amusing, only because I recently started craving chocolate...not the candy as much as CHOCOLATE PUDDING....YUMM

I think I paid for the last bought of overindulgence, however. I got a bad case of gout in my big toe. Should that happen to your Mom, she might not get over the craving, but might be less anxious to satisfy it. I don't think it happens to everyone, but when it happened to me, I looked up possible causes. One listed was CHOCOLATE. I had just finished off a large bowl all by myself. Twice in a week.

Anyhow, I was going to suggest keeping boxes of chocolate pudding in her home, so that she doesn't run out. Don't know if the pudding is any better for her, healthwise, but here is what was said on HEALTHWISE.
"If you buy quality dark chocolate with a high cocoa content, then it is actually quite nutritious.
It contains a decent amount of soluble fiber and is loaded with minerals.
A 100-gram bar of dark chocolate with 70–85% cocoa contains
(1):
11 grams of fiber
67% of the RDI for iron
58% of the RDI for magnesium
89% of the RDI for copper
98% of the RDI for manganese
It also has plenty of potassium, phosphorus, zinc and selenium."

It is also loaded with powerful antioxidants.

Maybe her body is lacking some of these minerals, therefore the craving. I don't really see anything to worry about at her age. What does her doctor say?
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My question is why now? Here's one thing I found:

"Chocolate: Cravings for chocolate may be a need for magnesium, and some people find they can satisfy the craving by eating magnesium-rich foods, such as almonds. If nothing but chocolate will do, opt for dark, milk-free chocolate that contains at least 70 percent cocoa."

I also read that it raises the level of dopamine and makes the person feel good. I understand your concern. Gaining weight at Moms age can cause problems. Her body is not used to the extra weight. I would ask her PCP to have lab work done. To see if magnesium or something else is causing the craving. If found not, then I guess your going to let her have her chocolate. But a sudden craving can be a sign of the body lacking something.
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She's 99 y/o and if eating chocolate makes her happy let her eat it!! If it ends her life faster, She's lived a long one and will leave HAPPY!!
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I think it would take a boatload of chocolate for her to have gained so much so quickly, you might need to look at other dietary and lifestyle factors beyond the chocolate. I don't know how close you are to her or how well you get along but if you are willing and able I think you need to focus on ways to engage her physically and mentally and to speak with her doctor about how to alleviate her depression, and perhaps ask for some simple PT to aid in her mobility.
Whatever you do be gentle and subtle, in a woman her age the focus should be on the things that enhance quality of life and that bring her joy.
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jacobsonbob Feb 2020
Perhaps she could be encouraged to drink chocolate beverages which would add a lot of water, thus filling her up which might reduce the amount of chocolate she actually consumes.
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Dark chocolate has antioxidants that are very good for people. Maybe instead of cutting chocolate out completely let her have just so many ounces a day. For example, your mother can have 4 oz a day or 8 oz a day (just 4 oz in the day and 4 oz at night). Just pick an amount that you both can live with.
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People, if all she is eating is chocolate, then please understand any "benefits" of chocolate is of no value! She's eating mostly sugar! And the resultant health crisis that will surely ensue falls onto her daughter to deal with. Also, it is much easier to help someone who is not overweight. Before my MIL decided to never get out of bed she was 180 lbs and we could barely transfer her from the wheelchair to the car and back. There are problems enough with just the weight issue. Should she have chocolate? Yes, but not just chocolate.
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My mother will be 93 later this month. She loves chocolate and has gained a bunch of weight as a result of her new sweet tooth. Who cares? If your mother is going to throw a fit and get furious and abusive with the aides for not allowing her to have chocolate, then why are you fighting this? What is the point? If she gets sick, she gets sick. If she has a 'health crisis' as a result and it falls on you, so be it. And how will that be any worse than the crisis she's ALREADY creating from not getting her chocolate?

Come on folks. At 99, her days are limited. She's going to pass away NO MATTER what is done or not done here, let's face it. My cousin makes her uncle's life a torture chamber at 99 years old telling him what's 'healthy' and what's 'unhealthy'. He doesn't care. He takes Prilosec and enjoys his pepperoni pizza. That's how things should be, in my opinion.

Just my 2 cents
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cwillie Jan 2020
I mostly agree with you but I also can see where Geaton is coming from - it's always a balancing act and if this is the tipping point that increases her level of disability then that in turn will lead to a lower QOL, as well as increasing the burden of care.
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I'm addicted to chocolate. I eat it even though it causes my stomach to hurt. I go off of it for weeks at a time, then start again until my stomach hurts, stop, then start again. This has been going on my entire life, except when I was pregnant, nursing my babies, or had no money. I was told by a doctor to think of it as poison. I do that and still eat it. I'd rather have it than wine or any food. I eat 88% dark chocolate and very good quality. I won't eat milk chocolate or really sweet stuff. I even like it with no sugar at all. Perhaps, as others suggest, your mom is craving something she is missing from her diet, or maybe it makes her feel good, as it does me. I drink a chocolate tea. That might taste good to your mom. Perhaps try cutting back on the sugar in it and see that satisfies her.
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Hi Linda - If I were in your position I would be concerned about that weight gain and if something other than, or as well, as eating chocolate was involved here. Have you taken her to her doctor and asked his/her advice? Could some of this be fluid retention ans well a fat? I agree that at her age she should be allowed sweet treats, but there may be a health concern here that needs to be looked at.
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Let's not forget that as we get older we start to lose our sense of taste, except for sweets. Everything else will taste blah.

Macular degeneration isn't easy to deal with. My Mom [also in her 90's] had that. She could no longer read her favorite books, or watch football, golf, NASCAR, etc. [she loved sports]. She use to love to walk and do gardening, but since she could barely see, she had to stop doing those things. In fact, she couldn't even recognize me. So I fully understand what your Mom is dealing with.

My parents ate a lot of sweets, and I mean A LOT. But neither of them had any weight gain. So, as Golden23 had mentioned, I would be concerned with gaining 20 lbs in two months. Has your Mom been given any new prescription meds to take? Some can cause a weight gain. I put on weight because of that :(
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Have you tried chocolate greek yogurt? It has less calories than a chocolate bar and It has protein, vitamin d, active bacteria and is low fat. I also like dark chocolate almond milk-It's got vitamin d and it lowers your cholesterol. I can't give you a solution to the problem but maybe this help her satisfy her sweet tooth and give you some piece of mind.
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If I am still here at 99 I am going to eat whatever I want. Sugar by the spoonful out of the bag if I want. Let the poor woman have her chocolate. She's 99.
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At 99 I’d do the same and tell everyone else to back off. She should do whatever she pleases at this stage, as long as she is not subjecting others to harm or danger. At this stage, how many pleasures are left?!
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Check to make sure that the Chocolate eating is not a symptom of some treatable illness. THAN

Let her eat all the chocolate she wants. I know it is unimagiable thinking about your mother impending death -- but I can't imagine you are going to prolong her life by restricting her chocolate and weight gain.

I
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My MIL has been in a nursing home for a little over a year now. We did an intake conversation with the doctor on staff and he said for those that will never be going back home, he doesn't limit what they can eat. Some of them, it's the only pleasure that they get. He said unless they are diabetic and the food is dangerous to their health.

I agree with everyone else, let her eat it. The chance that she will be alive in another year is small (I've never met someone that was 100!).
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whaleyf Feb 2020
Kind of off topic. I live in a senior complex. I wish you could meet my 99 year old neighbor. Sharp as a tack and beats the pants off of us when she plays cards. A delight to have around. Her family visits all the time and are wonderful. As you get older I think you are going to be a LOT more people living that long now.
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My mother just turned 95, she wolfs down the sweets, at her age she can eat whatever she wants. She is going to die in the near future, so why worry with this one thing that brings her pleasure?
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ArtMom58 Feb 2020
Completely agree with you DollyMe. My 87yo mother loves sugar and greasy food. Eat up!
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Why don’t you arrange for a physical therapist to help her with a little exercise so she feels better and is able to move. Do the exercises with her. Her visual problems and weight gain may be causing depression. It is the depression, not the chocolate that is causing her to lash out.

Get her out and enjoying more in life, if you don’t have the time, have an aide do this. My grandmother had macular degeneration and we took her to the shopping mall in a wheelchair. She loved touching fabrics.

She may also enjoy aromatherapy and more human interaction.

As for her eye disease, there are many new adaptive technologies to assist those with Maculsr Defeneration. in my area, there is a Low Vision Center that helps those losing their sight find devices appropriate for their needs. Many of those patients have MD.

Try lots of different lights. Some with this degenerative eye disease can experience better perception with ambient light, others with bright “spot” light in near darkness.

Let her enjoy her chocolate and see if you can help her enjoy more of life along with it.
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You might find offering lower calorie or more filling chocolate options could slow the weight gain. Chocolate pudding, dark chocolate cake, hot chocolate with whipped cream, chocolate milkshakes and chocolate dipped fruit provide the chocolate taste while being more filling. My grand-nephew really likes dipping fruit for great-grandma. Better quality chocolates usually offer more intense taste with a bit less sugar too. I use a good chocolate ice cream and add dark chocolate cocoa when making milkshakes for my mother to get the intense chocolate flavor she likes.

You might consider offering other sweets too. Most cakes and many cookies and pies are lower calorie wise than candies. My mother loves fruit too so bowls of grapes and strawberries as well as nectarines and bananas are good munchies. Strawberry short cake with an slice of angel food cake and ice cream covered with strawberries (frozen berries work very well) is delicious and filling.

Depending on where your mother's vision is, chocolates may also offer a food she can find and eat easily with her hands.
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She's right. At 99 she has earned the right to eat and drink what she wants. Let her enjoy her remaining days.
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My mom is 96 today, a Valentine baby!
Before she was in assisted living she really liked her wine, and overdid it many times. Thank goodness, that has passed but she has now subbed in candy for her guilty pleasure. She also likes to independently be able to do some things for herself. So I make sure she has a bit of cash on hand to go to the ALF "store" where she can buy candy and cookies. Yesterday she bought $10 worth of candy. She has precious little left in her life so I am not going to say she can't have it. If your mom is 99 let her have it, weight gain be damned. She knows she hasn't much time left so finally she can indulge her whims.
How often do you visit? Perhaps when you go take her a little and let her know you will bring some again the next time. That way she may look forward to it and not get too cranky with her workers.
In the end remember that it is her body.
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Chocolates offer the "feel good" neurochemical of being in love. Maybe she feels lonely (even with aides there) and needs more social interaction. Try offering outings to churches, libraries, and at senior centers. You might try to emphasize ones that have ice cream socials so she can also get a chocolate fix.

In moderation, chocolate is good for her. Seems she doesn't have moderation in this (neither do I) so ask the aides to ration it out - a little after meals... ask in 1 ounce. Maybe get chocolate dipping sauces and bowl of fresh fruit.
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Has your mother's magnesium level been tested lately? Most Americans are low in magnesium and the lack can be the driving force behind the craving for chocolate.
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Do you get the Telegram from the Queen at 100 where you live? Honestly, I have met so many late 90s folk that are waiting for this. A computer generated letter on behalf of another old lady, lol. Maybe Mum will cut down on the chocchy for the promise of a telegram!

Heck! At 99 I say eat the chocolate 😀 but I see your point about mobility. How about: this is your block today. Have it all now or little bits throughout the day.
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PeeWee57 Feb 2020
The White House will send a birthday greeting signed by the President, but it must be requested through the Greetings Office. This applies to all citizens age 80 and up, and veterans 70 and up.
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Shes 99, sweets or no sweets her ticket out has been punched. Let her eat them. Cant take em with her.
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Tizaboy Feb 2020
I agree totally. My grandmother loved sweets, she always did. I sent her a box of candy when she was in a regular nh. They refused to let her have it. I was furious. She was 98 and died shortly after. I'm still unhappy about that. It would be cruel at this point to cut the mother off. What a nonissue.
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