My bf and I have been together for 2 years and I am wondering if I should stay in this relationship, we do not live together. My bf's mother moved in with him over a year ago, she has never lived alone and always had someone else take care of things for her. She won't drive because of a car wreck YEARS ago (I was in a car wreck that caused my best friend to pass away and I almost died myself but yet I am driving again) and that is frustrating. She is hispanic and knows english but acts like she doesn't and therefore plays dumb a lot. She has diabetes but doesn't want to eat right, he has rushed her to the hospital three times now because of what she chose to eat. She has never worked and has her deceased husbands ss as income, which she likes to go gable away (at least twice a month). She won't exercise at all, not even go for a walk. She refuses to learn how to use her phone (can't even order food) and says it too hard to learn. I am frustarated because I have worked my but off to make sure my son doesn't have to take care of me later in life, I have been a single mom for that last 6 years and work two jobs, I also have exercised my entire life and eat healthy, so I have a hard time having respect for his mother. Am I just being a b***h about this, I was compassionate in the being but now feel like she is just taking advantage of the situation. Thank you in advance for any advice!
It honestly isn't your business what someone else does with her own life, nor whether she lives with her son or not. It IS YOUR BUSINESS what YOU do about that circumstance.
Your boyfriend's Mom is who she is. She is happy with the life she leads, or content enough. Your boyfriend has made his decisions about his Mom.
Now it is time for you to make your own decision. I am truly relieved that you don't live together. If this is this concerning to you NOW, can you imagine a life together with a man who has made the decisions he has about his Mom?
I wish you good luck. There may be other fish in the sea and there may not be, but were it me I would keep this lovely man as a friend, be supportive to him when I was able, stay out of his decisions, and move on with my life on my own.
Some families accept this (the way some Asian families think that the DIL moves in to care for and be abused by the MIL. It's the expectation).
If you don't agree with this set-up, the move on. At least he's being honest with you.
This IS your business b/c it affects YOUR life and YOUR future with HIM. He's made his choice. Unless you want to live YOUR life with HIS mother, then get out now and find a man who doesn't live with his mother and who will put you first in his life.
I think it's all fine and well for a man TO love and care for his mom, don't get me wrong. But your b/f is enabling his mother to live an unhealthy lifestyle at his own expense and at the expense of a life with you. That's not okay, really.
You're not being a b***h about this, imo, b/c you've worked hard your whole life, taken care of yourself, and know what you want out of life, marriage and a future husband. This ain't it. Find someone who lives the kind of life you want to live yourself so both of you are on the same page moving in the same direction together. If you move in with this man and his mother, you know what lies ahead: aggravation and heartburn.
Best of luck.
She could live for decades or drop dead in a month from poor self care. Only you can decide if you are willing to be second fiddle with your boyfriend for an unknown future.
Me, I would tell him that I wish him well but, I am not getting further involved in any triangulation with his mom. He is obviously a dutiful son and here's to hoping it works out with you and mommy.
You are to young to become a caregiver for a bf's mommy and you are to old to wait around to see if he grows a backbone or she drops dead.
If you wanna date him that’s ok, but be clear you both will be looking at options.
It's kind of him to care for her, but you need to take a GIANT step back and look at the situation with fresh eyes. Is this guy ever putting you first? If he isn't now, trust me, that will NOT change after marriage or even co-habiting.
I think you already know the answer.
Mom is family and you are a friend, probably with benefits. You are not married. Until you are at least discussing marriage, you should rank second.
I once dated a man who was distressed I made spending time at my nephews' ball games more important than dating opportunities with him. I told him the nephews were family and he was a friend IF that ever changed then my loyalties would adjust, but until then family would always come before friends.
When you begin discussing marriage, that would be the appropriate time to discuss placing mom in an assisted living where someone else could assist in monitoring mom's diabetes. But expect the son's loyalty to his mother to continue; he will probably always visit mom and care for her even if he turns her 24 hour care over to someone else. Do you really want a man who can discard an inconvenient family member to pursue a more pleasurable relationship easily? What happens if you are in a car accident with permanent injuries or get sick? Are you going to be the next discarded inconvenience?
Since you don't like this situation, don't like his mother, don't like that he puts her first, then move on.
This guy isn't available in the way that you want. You're young. You should go find someone else to date. The perfect guy is waiting for you out there.
So it's been this situation for just about half the time you've had a relationship. What does he say about it all? I know you've had many discussions, right?
I'm so glad that you don't live with him, and that you recognize that this isn't the best relationship for you. Since you're wondering if you should stay in the relationship, deep down you know the answer.