He is incontinent, has to have help with meals, meds, showering, laundry, and is in a wheelchair. While he seems lucid most of the time, he thinks he was vice/president of the US for a short time and also is always trying to give people money and has gotten burned on a sweetheart scam.
When my Mom (98 years old) wanted to "go home", I knew it was her childhood home as she asked if the cows were back in the barn (her parents had own a dairy farm). Then she wanted to visit her parents, so I had to quickly come up with a "therapeutic fib" that Mom would believe. I told her her parents were "visiting the old county" to which she smiled and said "that's nice". You may need to think up some therapeutic fibs to say to your Dad..
Even if he doesn't have one I'd start talking to the facility admins about this delusion to make sure they are on the same page that he would be an unsafe discharge (even though he isn't in a hospital) and especially if you are still living in his home, you can tell them you aren't willing/able to be his caregiver there.
Does he have a medical diagnosis of cognitive and/or memory impairment? If not, it might be a good idea to get this in his records.
"Wants to move back home alone.."
He can WANT that. Sure.
"Will he be allowed..?"
Is he currently ALLOWED to leave his current care home at his will, without supervision? Just walk (or roll) out the door?
If yes, does he have a power wheelchair (or able to self propel himself)? A phone to call a taxi? Funds to pay for the taxi? Keys to get into his house?
If yes to all, what then?
He sits at his house a while... (maybe outside if steps are a barrier to getting inside).
Might be very unpleasant to be home afterall. When it gets dark, no power on, no food..
You as his child do not have to help him. You can refuse to be his Caregiver. Those suffering from Dementia always want to go home. But where is that home, the marital one or the one he lived in as a child. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Talk to the DON and ask this question. I am sure she will tell u he will never be discharged.
As next of kin, are you the one that they communicate with about your father, or does he have someone else who is his "responsible party" (for instance a POA?)
The administration will be interested to hear of his unrealistic plans to try to go home. They should be aware that he may attempt to leave, or they may wish to discuss if they have seen any such behavior.
As you can imagine we do not know your father. Nor what arrangements you have for overseeing his care in the family. This is something to discuss with the administration where your father currently is staying.
As a new member, R., and if you plan to stay on AC, do fill in your profile. More information about you and Dad will help us give you better answers. We wish you well.
Having your facilties has nothing to do with someone being able to make the decision to come home. Once in LTC your there because you need 24/7 care that can't be done in the home. If you can't prove to the facility that you will have 24/7 care in the home, they cannot discharge you, I think by law. Its an "unsafe discharge". It happened to a friend who had broken her femur in her apt. She was hospitalized and sent to Rehab. Prior to her stay, she was using a wheelchair. She had no family who would care for her. No money to pay for aides so when her Rehab was over she was told she could not return home. By that time they had discovered she also had terminal stomach cancer. She lived in a 55 and up Apt building. Had an elevator and apts were handicapped accessible but that did not matter, she could not care for herself alone. An unsafe discharge.
If this OPs Dad could get himself discharged, I would tell him that I would not help him. He would need to find a way home, set up caregivers. If he didn't set up aides, then he would be making his own meals, dress himself, shower and do his laundry all while sitting in a wheelchair.
OP has nothing to worry about, no Dr will discharge him.
How would he manage it w/o your help? Does he drive, manage his own finances, etc?
Does he have friends, siblings etc who would take him home? Manage to hire help etc. all on his own w/o your help?
I’m sure it is stressful for you to hear him discussing these plans and perhaps some scammer is stirring him up?
Can you fill in some blanks and give us more info?
About the practicalities of Dad moving home? Or Dad's homesickness. His feelings.
Or maybe fhe OP's feelings?
Feelings of fear of this awkward Go Home conversation being brought up, time & time again?
Feeliings of obligation to help Dad with his wish?
Feelings of guilt for Dad staying put?
F.O.G?
Unless he wants to use his presidential veto powers.
Who is in charge of his legal documents? You.
I hope you have all that in order.
You need to be his 'decision-maker' legally.
I, too, am unclear why you are asking the question. We may need more information. However, anyone with dementia should not be living alone. Period. I believe you know this.
Gena / Touch Matters
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