my father has a problem with his catheter everyone has told him it makes them gag but he says he doesn't smell it and feels sorry for himself.
we have legal appointments to go to and I will have to cancel them because of this.
Yes I have posted a bunch of times I want to walk away, I guess I am stupid or don't care about myself since I haven't
Why do you have to cancel the appointments? I'm hoping you don't have to, so that you can keep things rolling forward.
Can you wear a facemask and put a smear of Vick's under your nose?
I don't mean to sound silly or dismissive at all. It's just that I'd like to see you keep things moving forward, regardless of your dad being in denial about his hygiene and smell issues and there not being any good interventions for those issues yet.
True story: I once asked my dad to sit in the back seat while I was driving him to a medical appointment. I had my own very good reasons for this request. I tried very hard not to make him feel slighted, but... we had to get things done, and I knew my limits. I needed that extra space between me and him, just for that drive. And he dealt with it ok. He knew I was there for him, overall.
If it's only about the smell, I hope you can find self-saving measures and keep things going to finalize any legal issues you need to address.
Caregiving to an aging parent care can be one embarrassing, frustrating, and self-effacing thing after the other for adult children.
I respect your vent if that's what this is. But please don't lose sight of your goals with his care and with addressing any legal issues from your mom's death or his care, and try to accomplish them.
What did they do at the doctors office?
Is it a matter of your dad not caring for the catheter himself?
Does he need help with doing self care or ADL's? (ADL = Activity of Daily Living)
If he needs help on a daily basis then he either should not be living alone or someone needs to come in daily to help him. (paid caregiver, or while you are at the appointment with the lawyer discuss how a contract can be structured so that YOU get paid for caring for dad)
If your dad is a Veteran he may qualify for some help from the VA it might be a little or it might be a LOT depending on where and when he served.
DO NOT cancel your legal appointments.
If you are going to continue to force yourself into the situation you need to seriously consider what is your end goal. Dad isn't going to change and he, obviously, doesn't have all his marbles, don't get sucked down his insanity hole. Figure out how this looks at the end and actively work towards that end.
If I recall you are not POA and don't speak with your Dad's doctors, but clearly this catheter has built up residue and eventually it will clog.
It is important to know if this is the catheter itself or the bag and tubing and the latter two are EASY to change, but require a sterile method to prevent contamination (see you tube for videos) and the catheter bags and tubing are available at any medical supply.
Good luck, Mary. And don't cancel appointments. The world is used to dealing with odor problems. They are a part of life in the real world.
I can only guess that instead your father just isn't bathing himself properly or thoroughly enough, thus where the smell is coming from. And is he or you changing his catheter bag out on a regular basis?
Does he have someone coming in regularly to help him bathe or shower? If not you may want to consider hiring someone(with your fathers money of course)to do just that. That should help with the bad smell, along with changing out his catheter bag regularly.
And in the meantime you may just have to call ahead of your legal appointments to give them the heads up about you father smelling bad instead of cancelling them.
I do also find it very sad that you don't think enough of yourself to once and for all just walk away from this situation as you've been wanting to do that for quite some time now. I'm not exactly sure what's it's going to take for you to be able to that, but I do hope and pray that you'll make the necessary changes for your mental health's sake sooner than later because you do matter too.
The actual tubing that came from the site (first, supra pubic, the indwelling) was fine.
She was capable (sort of) of cleaning the bags, but she couldn't stand long enough to really clean them out and there was always one hanging up in her bathroom with a little bit of dark brown (sick) urine. That's what smelled.
IDK the proper cleaning of a catheter. Or the bag. I just know mom didn't do it very well.
She was extremely frugal and I think those bags should have been replaced much more frequently. She didn't want to spend the money.
Hanging them to dry in an overheated apartment's tiny bathroom and she left all the bypass doors open--her whole apt smelled pretty bad.
By the time we kids were all on the same page about getting her to buy clean bags, the cath was removed and she went into incontinence wear. That was a whole new battle with a whole new product.
I know it's embarassing to take your LO out when they smell awful--but maybe a tiny bit of the 'outside world's' reaction to their lack of personal housekeeping may ring a bell with them? Mom couldn't smell anything the last few years of her life--which, I guess, was a blessing in disguise for her.
Also-you may find this to be the case--her carpeting was totally saturated with urine--hers and the dogs. When she passed and YB pulled up the carpet, he saif the subfloor was saturated and it required removal of the subfloor in many areas and gallon upon gallon of KILZ to cover the smell. The urine just kept leaching up.
So--maybe part of the smell of dad's catheter is really due to his flooring in his home?