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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You haven’t explained ‘terminal’, but here is one suggestion. Tell her that the doctors say that the best option is to keep FIL comfortable and wait and see what more treatment would help. Doctors say that at present another operation (or chemo or whatever) would do more harm than good. In other words, don’t use the word ‘hospice’, don't say that there is nothing to be done except wait for the end. Just use the words that do in fact justify hospice. Tell MIL that you agree that it seems the best thing, and you will wait with her to see if things change.
Good question. It's very difficult to prepare someone with no short term memory for ANYTHING, really, because they can't remember what's happening from one day to the next or from one hour to the next sometimes. How does mom feel about having 'strangers' in the house, in general? Is she okay with letting them in? If so, then she should be okay with hospice coming in to tend to FIL. As far as having her 'enjoy the time that's left', that's another story entirely, imo, b/c she'd have to understand her husband is dying in the first place. My mother was about 2 years into her dementia journey when my father was dying and on hospice care. When he was actively dying, she was more irritated with the 'noise' he was making and trying to find the source of it than anything else. I think she didn't believe he was dying until the mortician arrived to take his body away; and only THEN did she understand what had happened, when she witnessed me crying.
So IDK how you prepare your MIL for this event except to tell her that her DH is in good hands with the nurses being sent in to care for him. And hope for the best. I also suggest you take her out of the house if/when she becomes upset with the scene that's unfolding before her, b/c death is a very hard thing to witness for most loved ones. Maybe you can take turns sitting with your FIL when he gets to the active dying stage, and make sure MIL is busy doing something else when things get too intense.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Hi, OP. In reply to your comment, perhaps try blaming the doctor. 'Doctor says you must have an experienced carer to do X Y and Z which you are not trained to do'. it might get them through the door, and they may (with luck) stop being a stranger.
Thank you Margaret! FIL is in stage 4 pancreatic cancer. MIL cannot be reasoned with- so another person in her home/domain or helping her man-any home care or support attempted made her quite cantankerous. Dementia is full blown short term memory, so what can be done to remind her day to day (laminated love letter explaining day to day care needed and pls honor his wishes?) I’m the DIL and live hours away, but husband’s siblings struggling with what to do for Mom?
Letters/notes explaining day to day care needs and to pls honor his wishes is likely futile; once dementia gets to THIS stage, they forget to look at the note and/or they do not understand the written word. My mother had a note to PLEASE PULL THE STRING BEFORE GETTING UP in her room at the memory care and ignored it fully, which is why she fell 95x during her time there. There is no 'logic' or 'reasoning' with dementia ridden elders which is why it's a good idea to get MIL out of there as much as possible.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So IDK how you prepare your MIL for this event except to tell her that her DH is in good hands with the nurses being sent in to care for him. And hope for the best. I also suggest you take her out of the house if/when she becomes upset with the scene that's unfolding before her, b/c death is a very hard thing to witness for most loved ones. Maybe you can take turns sitting with your FIL when he gets to the active dying stage, and make sure MIL is busy doing something else when things get too intense.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
FIL is in stage 4 pancreatic cancer. MIL cannot be reasoned with- so another person in her home/domain or helping her man-any home care or support attempted made her quite cantankerous. Dementia is full blown short term memory, so what can be done to remind her day to day (laminated love letter explaining day to day care needed and pls honor his wishes?) I’m the DIL and live hours away, but husband’s siblings struggling with what to do for Mom?