My father and her were both a resident of the same nursing home, but on different floors. My stepmother has mild dementia and understands she cannot visit her husband/my dad or receive visitors due to the pandemic. I will be burying my Dad May 7th. I have asked everyone at the nursing home not to say anything to her about his death. I feel this has to come from a family member in person which is not possible at this moment because of the lockdown. I would appreciate any input as to how to tell her when I can finally visit her and tell her in person.
I have no good advice. Just ((((hugs))))). I think the right way to handle this will become clear after lockdown.
Spare your mom all the pain you can right now.
My only suggestion is to go with your gut as to what you think is best for your mom. You know your mom best. And these are very unusual and difficult times.
You are in the middle of grief now, too. Not just the loss of your father, but, I can imagine, the loss of your contact with you mom right now too. Maybe journaling would help? I find that when I right out my thoughts on paper (sometimes many many pages full of thoughts) it can help settle my anxiety and think of a possible solution. I'm a visual person, so I draw out my ideas, too.
I personally agree with you that the loss of her husband should come from her daughter. You can help answer questions and offer her emotional support that only a daughter can do.