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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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If you're finding it difficult to have a break, perhaps it's time for your dad to go into care. His life isn't more important than yours.
But, if you really want to be his main caregiver, then do what others are suggesting: go out more often and ignore the tantrum. If the tantrum cannot be ignored because it's dangerous to anyone, himself or a carer, then it is definitely time for a care home.
Does he have dementia? If so, be nice but firm and do not argue. Just be matter of fact and tell him only very soon before you're leaving "Dad, I'm going out. Suzy is here to visit with you. See you later (or in the morning). "
If/when he freaks, say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I have plans and you are safe. Bye bye."
You do as said, you give him a kiss on the cheek, a hug, a see you later, be good for the sitter and walk out the door. If competent, you tell him he is acting like a toddler. You need a night out.
Like already said, you schedule yourself more than just one night off a week(because you deserve more than just one)with said nurses aide, and go enjoy yourself, and let your whiny father throw all the temper tantrums he's like. And then you can throw in that if he doesn't like you having a few nights off a week, then you'll have to stop helping him all together and he can be placed in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being his daughter and advocate and not his burned out caregiver.
You do what you do when a child has a temper tantrum. You ignore it. When you leave and the caregiver takes over he will calm down. He may not calm down right away but eventually he will get used to you leaving and another taking over for you. It is actually a good idea if you can get a caregiver ore than 1 day a week. It gives you a break and it gets him used to another person.
What's the report from the nurse aide afterwards? 🤔
I watched my BIL say Bye kids & leave. Kids fine. I watched my SIL looking worried, delaying, You'll be fine.. & the kids crying, pleading, their hearts breaking Don't leaveeeee! yada yada. 2 mins after SIL left, the kids are playing happily.
Seen PLENTY of elders do same. Manipulation. (Inc my own Mother).
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you're finding it difficult to have a break, perhaps it's time for your dad to go into care. His life isn't more important than yours.
But, if you really want to be his main caregiver, then do what others are suggesting: go out more often and ignore the tantrum.
If the tantrum cannot be ignored because it's dangerous to anyone, himself or a carer, then it is definitely time for a care home.
If/when he freaks, say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I have plans and you are safe. Bye bye."
He can get a grip or move to AL.
You are dealing with a Senior Brat who is now a true burden.
And then you can throw in that if he doesn't like you having a few nights off a week, then you'll have to stop helping him all together and he can be placed in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being his daughter and advocate and not his burned out caregiver.
schedule yourself more breaks--2-4 times a week, once a week is not enough
You leave.
Get a break.
You ignore it.
When you leave and the caregiver takes over he will calm down.
He may not calm down right away but eventually he will get used to you leaving and another taking over for you.
It is actually a good idea if you can get a caregiver ore than 1 day a week. It gives you a break and it gets him used to another person.
When you leave.
What's the report from the nurse aide afterwards? 🤔
I watched my BIL say Bye kids & leave. Kids fine. I watched my SIL looking worried, delaying, You'll be fine.. & the kids crying, pleading, their hearts breaking Don't leaveeeee! yada yada. 2 mins after SIL left, the kids are playing happily.
Seen PLENTY of elders do same.
Manipulation. (Inc my own Mother).
Put your Confident Face on & Go.
PS look up *Shadowing* behaviour
Kids have to go to school they don’t get a choice. Kids have a babysitter when parents go out .
You go out , Dad sucks it up .
“ Too bad Dad, I’m going out , I need a night off “. Then ignore the tantrum .
I think you should do it more often . Let him get used to it more so he adjusts .
Otherwise it’s like the first time every time.