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The girlfriend of my son hates me, but yet she takes money and food from me and my friends and leaves my name out in the obituary and because of me they will have a funeral. What do I do?
Did they leave out the other grandparents or just you? I know some obituaries will only have parents and siblings. Nasty thing to do if it's the latter.
As others have said, go say goodbye to your grandson.
When I buried my 21 year old nephew I just included his parents and siblings in his obituary. I didn't mean any disrespect towards anyone, I just didn't know that you should list everyone that was still alive. Could it be honest ignorance? I was not given any guidance from anyone and I was pretty shook up, doing research on the appropriate form never crossed my mind.
Please be sure that this was malicious intent before you take it personally. Young people just don't know, especially if they have never dealt with a funeral and all it entails. She lost him too.
Sorry for your loss. Did 'girlfriend take money, or received money as a gift from you? Were you forced, as in elder abuse? Was the money given with strings attached? Did you have expectations the mother of your grandson might like you better? Could you afford to give the money, or are you on a low income with social security?
You have friends, so you must be somewhat likable. Without more information about your loss, I think there is a possibility you are focusing on this perceived slight to distract from the great loss you and your family must endure.
Do you want to tell us more about your grandson, to honor his memory? 🕯
So nothing will change the fact that you are Grandmother. Very sorry to hear of your loss of your grandson.
Go to you son or others that can empathize with your grief and find your support there. Funerals like any other family event can give rise to incidents of feeing left out or excluded.
Try to focus on the what you intended your contribution to mean and feel at peace with this. It's difficult when there is negative energy directed at you but try to not give it energy. I'll have to remember my own advice btw.
I think honoring the life of your grandson is what counts.
All sorts of things happen. Some are intentional. Some may be innocent oversights. Do you know for certain that they hate you as you suspect or are you assuming that they do?
One of my cousins had a falling out with her father. Her mom was one who always ‘stood by her man’ even if he was wrong.
Of course, parents should have a united front but I believe there are exceptions to this rule.
For instance, if emotional or physical abuse is involved l believe the mom should speak up for the innocent child that is being abused. This man emotionally degraded all of his children. He was very difficult to get along with.
Anyway, when my cousin’s dad died, her mom did not list her in the obituary. She was all set to attend her father’s funeral but when she saw that her own mom had omitted her from the obituary it crushed her. She thought, well if she didn’t matter enough to be mentioned as a daughter then she would not go.
I did see my cousin at her younger sister’s funeral but she did not speak to her mom. She never forgave her mom for not mentioning her in her dad’s obituary. It is indeed sad. They still don’t speak to this day.
If something is intentional it hurts more. But don’t cheat yourself out of going to your grandson’s funeral if you wish to go.
Actually, it doesn’t even have anything to do with money, the fact that you are paying the bill. Maybe you disagree and that is your prerogative if you do. I feel it has more to do with what is in your heart. Follow your heart and don’t pay any attention to anything else.
I have two daughters but I don’t have grandchildren. I can tell you this. My mom and I have a complicated relationship but I have never, nor would I ever stand between she and my children. They have their own relationship with their grandmother.
My children love my mom and she loves them. So, cherish any memories of your grandson. No one can take those memories away from you.
I adored my mother’s mom. She was an incredible grandmother to me. I cherish every memory that I have of her.
This involves your feelings concerning your grandson. Nothing more. Truly, nothing else matters.
Take care. Be at peace and I am so very sorry for your loss.
If my answer is not too late, I would buy a new obituary, even if it’s the smallest one. I know how important this is. For both of my parents, I have copies of their obits from the funeral home - both framed in our living room. (My dad started this when his younger sister died. He hung her obit on the wall. When mom died, he asked me to frame her obit. I just automatically did the same for his obit.)
And of course, you and any supportive friends are going to the funeral. My condolences.
Gracious and kind answer Bookluvr! It is not too late, ever, imo. to publish an obituary.
JoAnn had mentioned the same, but it bears repeating, as it is such good advice. The important thing is to focus on the grandson.
One loving daughter purchased a memory bench in a park, that was a lovely gesture. Grandma could go to the park and sit there, on her grandson's bench.
I know Grandma! It is always costing you. So sorry for such a sad loss.
Cna88030- I am sorry for your loss. The old should never have to bury the young.
I think the idea of taking out another obituary and include your name in it is a good one.
I understand that your son's girlfriend hates you, what about your son? Do you get along with him? Why did he not put your name on the obit?
You know in your heart that you did the right thing and a good thing for your grandson. Not having your name mentioned on the obit won't take that away. Your grandson, wherever he is, knows you love him.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Go to the funeral and chat pleasantly with your grand son's friends. No drama, just your honest grief and theirs.
Honor his memory and don't feed her bad behavior.
You can put your own Obituary in. It will cost you but u can do it.
When I buried my 21 year old nephew I just included his parents and siblings in his obituary. I didn't mean any disrespect towards anyone, I just didn't know that you should list everyone that was still alive. Could it be honest ignorance? I was not given any guidance from anyone and I was pretty shook up, doing research on the appropriate form never crossed my mind.
Please be sure that this was malicious intent before you take it personally. Young people just don't know, especially if they have never dealt with a funeral and all it entails. She lost him too.
Did 'girlfriend take money, or received money as a gift from you? Were you forced, as in elder abuse? Was the money given with strings attached? Did you have expectations the mother of your grandson might like you better? Could you afford to give the money, or are you on a low income with social security?
You have friends, so you must be somewhat likable. Without more information about your loss, I think there is a possibility you are focusing on this perceived slight to distract from the great loss you and your family must endure.
Do you want to tell us more about your grandson, to honor his memory? 🕯
Go to you son or others that can empathize with your grief and find your support there. Funerals like any other family event can give rise to incidents of feeing left out or excluded.
Try to focus on the what you intended your contribution to mean and feel at peace with this. It's difficult when there is negative energy directed at you but try to not give it energy. I'll have to remember my own advice btw.
I think honoring the life of your grandson is what counts.
One of my cousins had a falling out with her father. Her mom was one who always ‘stood by her man’ even if he was wrong.
Of course, parents should have a united front but I believe there are exceptions to this rule.
For instance, if emotional or physical abuse is involved l believe the mom should speak up for the innocent child that is being abused. This man emotionally degraded all of his children. He was very difficult to get along with.
Anyway, when my cousin’s dad died, her mom did not list her in the obituary. She was all set to attend her father’s funeral but when she saw that her own mom had omitted her from the obituary it crushed her. She thought, well if she didn’t matter enough to be mentioned as a daughter then she would not go.
I did see my cousin at her younger sister’s funeral but she did not speak to her mom. She never forgave her mom for not mentioning her in her dad’s obituary. It is indeed sad. They still don’t speak to this day.
If something is intentional it hurts more. But don’t cheat yourself out of going to your grandson’s funeral if you wish to go.
Actually, it doesn’t even have anything to do with money, the fact that you are paying the bill. Maybe you disagree and that is your prerogative if you do. I feel it has more to do with what is in your heart. Follow your heart and don’t pay any attention to anything else.
I have two daughters but I don’t have grandchildren. I can tell you this. My mom and I have a complicated relationship but I have never, nor would I ever stand between she and my children. They have their own relationship with their grandmother.
My children love my mom and she loves them. So, cherish any memories of your grandson. No one can take those memories away from you.
I adored my mother’s mom. She was an incredible grandmother to me. I cherish every memory that I have of her.
This involves your feelings concerning your grandson. Nothing more. Truly, nothing else matters.
Take care. Be at peace and I am so very sorry for your loss.
And of course, you and any supportive friends are going to the funeral. My condolences.
It is not too late, ever, imo. to publish an obituary.
JoAnn had mentioned the same, but it bears repeating, as it is such good advice. The important thing is to focus on the grandson.
One loving daughter purchased a memory bench in a park, that was a lovely gesture. Grandma could go to the park and sit there, on her grandson's bench.
I know Grandma! It is always costing you. So sorry for such a sad loss.
I think the idea of taking out another obituary and include your name in it is a good one.
I understand that your son's girlfriend hates you, what about your son? Do you get along with him? Why did he not put your name on the obit?
You know in your heart that you did the right thing and a good thing for your grandson. Not having your name mentioned on the obit won't take that away. Your grandson, wherever he is, knows you love him.
I am so sorry for your loss.