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I work from home and cannot just "get out", though one night I did leave because he scared me so bad. He had told me to leave the bedroom and when I went to the extra bedroom and locked myself in, he beat on the door so hard I opened it. Twice this happened that night. At the encouragement of my friend and sons via texting, I got up and left our home to stay with my friend overnight. My husband texted scathing words while I was gone. Then at 2am texted to me that he couldn't find his wallet. In the morning he texted that we need to work on our relationship if we're going to make this work. We've been married coming up on 40 years. How does one handle the yelling and accusations when you work from home? He's 67 and I'm 62.

You can't "get him to simmer down" if he is in cognitive decline or is mentally ill. Something is very wrong with him and simply trying to talk him down or placate him is not going to work. Some suggestions:

- Get him to a neurologist (preferably) for a full evaluation. If a doctor recommends any meds to take the edge off his anger, do it. Meds are meant to soothe, not sedate. 

- Have a small bag with basics in it like toiletries, a change of clothes, some snacks. Keep it in the trunk of your car. If you have to get out of the house quickly, you'll at least have some basics with you. Maybe let a friend know what's going on and ask if you can go to their house if you need to scram.

- Call 911 next time he goes crazy. Personally I'd have him on a 5150 (Baker Act) psych hold, which could kickstart getting him treatment. 

- If you think "he'd never truly hurt me", you are mistaken. It's obvious he is unstable. And unstable people are capable of anything. 
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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Southernwaver Oct 17, 2024
Exactly, no one can get into the mind of a demented and or mentally ill person. We have ZERO idea of what they might do.
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Sounds like your husband may have Capgras syndrome and perhaps doesn't always recognize you as his wife. And that can be very scary and even dangerous as homicides are very prevalent in folks who suffer from Cagras.
Please talk to his doctor about these episodes as there are some medications that may help some.
And get out and call 911 if he threatens you again.
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AlvaDeer Oct 17, 2024
A very good guess. Kudos, grandma.
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Has he been evaluated by a physician? Is this new behavior or has he always had a short fuse? Next time this happens, call 911 and have them send the paramedics. Tell them he is displaying erratic and violent behavior. If you call the police, they'd come and lock him up. You don't want this. You want to get him to the emergency room and then get the help of a doctor.
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Reply to Scampie1
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I’m sorry you are going through this.

Can you get your husband to the doctor for a medicine adjustment?

Whenever this happens, you must call 911 and have him sent to the ER for evaluation. He also must be checked for a UTI.

His brain is broken and he does have the ability to harm or kill you.

good luck
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Reply to Southernwaver
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You posted this under Alzheimer's.
Does your husband have a diagnosis of Early Alzheimer's, Rowena?
If so, he cannot be left alone.

Because you have posted this under Alzheimer's I am going, for now, to assume he HAS this disease. If so, when you are frightened you need to make a call to 911.
An ambulance will arrive.
You will inform EMS that your husband has Alzheimer's and has attacked you and that you are afraid; that he must be transported to the ER.
If he is not now diagnosed this is:
1. Your opportunity to get him admitted for a diagnosis
2. Contact social workers to discuss possible placement for him in care

If this is not a case of Alzheimer's my advice would be that you have a very bad marriage, apparently, to a very violent man. Do not accept excuses. Do not return to the home. See a divorce attorney, protect your 1/2 of the finances at once with the help of your family.

If you inform us as to what is happening here, the history, the illness (or not) involved for hubby, I am guessing we can give you better answers. But if not, this is a start. Wishing you the best of luck, and so very sorry you're going through this.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I would leave the house and go for a walk but take your house keys with you when you leave for your walk . Let him cool down and then come back and see if he has .
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Reply to Trixipie
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You have this under Dementia. If you husband has not seen a Neurologist, he needs to. You need to determine what type he has and he needs meds to help with these outbursts. If he won't see a doctor, the next time he goes off like this you call the police. When they come tell them he has Dementia and is aggressive and your in fear for your life. He needs to be evaluated and you cannot have him in your home like this.

There are Lewy body and Frontal lobe Dementias. Both effect the part of the brain where our emotions are. People suffering from these Dementias can become aggressive and violent. You need to protect yourself. You may have to place him eventually. You need to talk to an elder lawyer to split your assets. His split going for his care in Memory care or LTC care. When its almost gone, you apply for Medicaid. As a Community spouse, you stay in the home, have a car and have enough or all of your monthly income to live on. An Elder Lawyer will go into more detail.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. I'm not anywhere near an expert on dementia however I know that you do have to keep yourself safe. If it entails calling 911 during one of your husband's episodes, then you should do it. Explain what's going on so that the responders come prepared. It will be beneficial to the both of you.
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