Now she is home and she has now accused me of stealing from her and is very angry. How do I deal with this situation? She has said she is missing stuff and I know she has it and just doesn't know where it is right now or can't find it, she told me to get out of her life.
People with dementia make outlandish claims, and being stolen from is one of them. My mother would hide her wallet and then forget where she put it. She said some guy broke into her apartment and she called the police three days in a row.
People with dementia also tend to single out one person for their vitriol. They can be unreasonable, accusatory, delusional and just plain mean. Medication helps.
Do not argue with mom. Do not try to reason with her or convince her you aren’t stealing from her. You can’t. This will only get worse. Does Mom live alone? If she is diagnosed with dementia, you may want to consider a facility for her. It would not be safe for her to live alone with this disease.
If Mom is competent and she tells you to get out of her life, there isn’t much you can do but stay away. If you aren’t there, she can’t accuse you of stealing.
I’m sorry you and mom are going through this stressful time.
You don’t mention why she was in the hospital or what health issues she is dealing with, how old she is or why she is now living with you. All of those bits of info are helpful to answer your question.
As a caretaker you will find three things useful.
1. Have her checked for a UTI whenever her behavior changes in a way that is similar to dementia. It’s often the problem and an antibiotic will be needed.
2. Read the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande.
3. Watch the Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to see if the behaviors of your mom mimic what Teepa discusses.
In the meantime. Assure mom you don’t have her things but suggest that you help her look for them. Tell her you know it’s upsetting to not be able to find what she’s looking for. Then offer ice cream or to see the latest pictures of the grand baby or something to shift her focus.
You can get the UTI test at an urgent care if you wanted to get that done this weekend. It’s a simple pee test.
And do come back to this site often. You’ll find helpful advice here. If you utilize the search you can find many others who have had this problem with their loved ones.
I, myself, was accused of stealing my grandmothers “ feathers” out of her freezer...and she didn’t have dementia. That was about 50 years ago.
Some things you don’t forget. She would be 118 now.
So I do realize how stressful such accusations can be even when they are nonsensical.
My aunt regularly hides things and then accuses family members or AL staff of stealing. The most ridiculous has been that we've been accused of stealing a photo of her aunt and also a grainy photo of her brother (when he was younger) with his coon hounds .
Stealing accusations are VERY common with elderly dementia patients. They will also get fixated on a very negative event and have a lot of anger toward a family member, usually a person who does a LOT for them. It is CRAZY!