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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I put those large pads, the ones that are capable of holding the most liquid. Put 2 of them inside their pullups or diapers. This is for females. For male patients I take one of those very thick pads, lay the pad under the penis putting one end of pad touching where penis touches the scrotum, then bringing up and over the front of the penis and then back over the top of the penis. Then, Take another one of those pads, and wrap it around that pad you just applied. If you think you need to, especially for when they sleep, spread out a water proof cloth/plastic pad under all this while on top of thighs.
I put 3 pairs of Depends on my husband at night. If he wakes-up & is wet, all I have to do is cut-out & discard the inner (wet) pair. Quicker, easier & I’m back to sleep in just a few minutes.
Not economical, but effective -- use menstrual pads inside the diaper at night. Along with the disposable bed liners, just in case. Most of the time the bed liner is dry, but if not , you just throw away. Easier than using a clothe liner alone that you have to wash everyday. I do keep a cloth liner under the disposable one and have only had leak to the sheets once or twice in the last year. This and latex gloves are my savior. I can't stand poo and pee smells, much less getting anything on my hands.
Have you looked into the Pure Wick system? My mom has had this at the hospital. Works great! Not sure about long term, but check into it and see if it works for you!
I used to do the same thing with my mom, get up at night to take her to the bathroom or to her bedside commode, did it for 2 months solid before burning myself out with exhaustion. Then we started using Molicare tabbed diapers right before she went to bed that hold almost a gallon of fluid and keep the skin dry. My mom would still wake up and say 'Help me!' for awhile to get up but after a few weeks, that lessened somewhat and most of the time she was dry in the morning and so was the bed. It saved our sanity.
Might want to discuss with her doctor or pharmacist about her medicine. My family member was on a diuretic twice daily. She took the second one at supper and ended up with multiple nighttime trips to bathroom. The pill was rescheduled for midafternoon and that reduced the nighttime trips to only one.
At night you can line her diaper with a trimmed-down baby diaper so you won't have to get up and change her because it will stay dry. Baby diapers are made differently than adult diapers. The surface stays dry even if they are saturated with urine. This is one option.
You can hire a private-duty, private-pay CNA to work the hours of 11-3. You'll be able to find someone on a site like care.com and there are many aides out there who work second shift and wouldn't mind picking up a part-time job for those hours. It will cost you though. That's another possibility.
Ddd850 suggests a Purewick system. That could very well be the easy solution to your problem right there.
As for asking family and friends to help out. I think it would be unreasonable to ask a relative or friend to come over in the middle of the night and change a diaper.
Try the other suggestions. There has to be one that can work for you. If there's not then you can always consider placement in a care facility.
When Mom’s Amazon brand pullups were no longer absorbant enough I googled around for reviews on best adult incontinace products. The overnights by Dry Direct are a big hit. One used for day and second change for night. So far so good. https://www.parentgiving.com/shop/
Take a deep breath nd go take care of your mother. I know you don’t remember but she did it for you, more than twice a day. Loved you then ad still does 💐
Hi SharShar, leave the depends on with a liner inside them. Put disposable bed pads under Mom and maybe a washable one under them just in case to keep the bed dry. Use desitin zinc ointment if you see beginnings of a rash starting. I would not and do not get up at night to change my Mom. She does not have any skin breakdown and we both get good sleep. Good luck!
Either use thick pads (used for your periods) inside her Depends/diapers/pullups OR, you can try what is called, "Pure Wick" during the You can use the thick, menstrual pade all the time to line her Depends. I would just add more during the night! On a man, I also take these pads and wrap them around the penis. And then add more under the penis to catch whatever the others don't catch. This is much cheaper than buying those depends all the time and having to change them. Much easier to change these pads.
Never use period pads for urine. They are not designed for this and a thick bulky pad is uncomfortable. A trimmed-down baby diaper as a liner is how to keep it dry. Those things are remarkable too. Nearly as thin as a sheet of paper, yet no matter how full they get the surface stays dry.
Oh good gracious! I'll bet you're tired. And probably close to burn out! First, stop getting up every few hours to change the depends. If the pull-ups are not absorbent enough, try using diapers for overnight. And, whatever she wears, you will almost inevitably have leakage. Buy disposable underpads - you can find at any drug store, walmart and walgreens store brands are both good. There are also washable underpads, which will help protect the bed, so you are not stripping and washing bedding every day, or worry about pee-soaked mattress.
If you have not diapered an adult before, you want to start with her laying down, gently turn her away from you, on her side, place the diaper under her bum, and try to push it a little bit under her to the other side, then gently roll her to facing you so you can pull up the far side of the diaper, then with her laying on her back, fasten the diaper tabs - I like the ones with "stretch wings" to get the best fit and coverage. Do this when she goes to bed, and see if she can sleep comfortably through the night, then remove the soaked diaper in the morning. Most diapers are designed to pull the liquid away from the skin, and they can hold quite a bit.
Also, if you can limit her fluid intake after, say, 7 pm, that will help.
Me too. I’m here most of the days of the week. Feeding her washing her clothes & waiting to change her. It’s a lot. Can’t get hoe health because she hasn’t can’t go to doctor. She has declined at home, can no longer walk! Hospice says she doesn’t qualify 😩. She bedridden Incontinent and has some dementia. Medicare Aetna Tricare for life. Unless she has to go to hospital or I can find an available Bed at a nursing home, I’m stuck.
Use adult briefs with tabs. Takes a minute of practice but much easier than using the pull ups at night. Can use the other ones during the day. Just a thought.
I put my mother in the Always Discreet Incontinence underwear with a TENA overnight pad inside of it. That will hold any amount of urine that she can produce during the night.
If only I could count on not being awakened every night ....sigh.....the LAST thing that I would do is set an alarm to put my mother on the toilet.
Get a PureWick system; she will never have to get up at night again. We started using this with my 94-year-old mother-in-law at night two years ago since she got up hourly and was exhausted. The problem was solved, and now she doesn't get up. It is pricey, though.
Do not get up in the middle of the night to change. It will wear on you / your sleep patterns - and you will not be able to function at your best. We NEED our sleep.
Instead, put a full size WASHABLE pads (or two) right under the sheet. You can wash this as needed (daily) and get 2-3 so you can change them as needed and not run out.
From my point of view ... There is absolutely NO need to wake her up - or yourself - for this need.
Unless I am missing part of the situation / concern. If she doesn't try / get up at night ... why not let her sleep? Why do you feel a need to change them 'immediately' ?
I presume most people (certainly facilities / nursing homes) wait until the morning to manage hygiene needs.
If you are concerned about chapping, read this:
Prevention
Preventing chafing is relatively simple, though it takes time and requires frequent attention.
It may be difficult to prevent completely if you regularly participate in activities that cause chafing. But there are still steps you can take to reduce its severity and keep it from getting worse. The following are some methods you can use to help prevent chafing.
Deodorant
Apply a thin layer of deodorant to the area before beginning the activity. For example, if you often experience chafing along your inner thighs when wearing a skirt, apply a thin layer of deodorant to your thighs before leaving the house.
Lubricant
Creams, oils, and powders can provide a layer of protection and reduce friction. You’re less likely to chafe if the skin can glide smoothly. Powder may be less effective than lotion. That’s because it can clump and make chafing worse.
Moisture-wicking clothing
Materials like cotton retain sweat and moisture and keep your skin damp. This dampness increases your risk of friction and chafing.
Wear clothes that “breathe” and let the sweat evaporate off your skin, especially while exercising. Running tights and other sport-specific clothing can protect skin when you’re active. You can also wear bike shorts underneath a skirt to prevent thigh skin from rubbing together.
Properly fitting clothes
Clothes that are too big can move a lot and chafe skin by continually rubbing.
The best treatment for chafing is prevention. Even with the best prevention methods in place, however, it’s still possible to experience chafing. In those cases, dry off the area, stop the activity that led to chafing as quickly as possible, and apply lotion or petroleum jelly to help soothe and protect the affected skin. Chafing should heal within a couple days.
If the area seems overly irritated or is showing signs of infection, see your doctor.
It took me several years to figure this out through trial and error - but it works for us:
-EgoSan pullup briefs (available on Amazon). They're pricier than Depends but you need to change them much less often plus they rarely leak (even with bowel incontinence). (Depends are useless IMO.) -For extra protection we also add to his Egosan brief a Tena Overnight extra coverage pad every time we change him. (available on Amazon). This really helps! -Washable large waterproof bed pads. Saves your mattress and bedding. (amazon).
Your loved one should be able to sleep comfortably through the entire night with this combination. Give it a try and get a good night's sleep. Your loved one's bedding will usually be 100% dry in the mornings, with a few minor exceptions.
I think you have the answer from many replies here. Apparently one of the main reasons the elderly move into a proper care facility is due to incontinence and the extreme difficulty and negative impact it has on other family members, especially those having to do the caring and cleaning up. I speak from experience: my mother’s night time incontinence got to the stage where I was having to go over to hers every morning, change her sheets and her soiled clothing, clean the room, clean the bathroom and chair, look out for soiled stuff she had hidden in wardrobes and drawers, take everything home, wash and dry it all then take it all back the next day for it all to start again. A routine like this is never ending and takes its toll on your health too - and there is no opportunity to have a life of your own. Now my mother is in a care home and it’s someone else’s job to do all this, not mine.
This doesn't work after a while. I took care of my sister who was incontinent, and I would be awakened out of a deep sleep from the smell of bowel incontinency. It was horrible, and it happened more times than I care to talk about. She would be covered in crap from head to toe, the bed, the floor, and the walls. This would happen around two in the morning. Now after a bath, laundry in the middle of the night, it would be at least four am before I was able to get back to sleep only having to get up two hours later for work and then for classes at the university. Sometimes I would make it home to feed my daughter dinner and then off to class until nine and home by ten. It was hellish.
I couldn't take it any longer. I eventually got her placed but it was through the government. We all know how long that process can take. To top it off, my father acted like a jerk the entire time including getting married and didn't bother about telling me. He was enjoying a new marriage while I'm left struggling with his disabled daughter.
I feel you! I used to have to get up at night periodically to reposition my paralyzed father, and the interrupted sleep was KILLING me. And I alternated nights with my sister!
This is not any way to live, long term. The mental health issues alone …
I can do anything and take on anything if I have had good sleep.
When I've had to be FT CG for my DH who has had several really severe health issues--I have not slept well. Each time, after a few weeks with him being demanding and a terrible patient, I would wind up with a days-long migraine--when all I needed was to SLEEP.
Your mom is wearing depends at night so you DON'T HAVE TO GET UP. You're essentially letting her ruin your sleep b/c, why? Is she upset about being in depends at this stage of the game? Or are you more bothered by it?
Not trying to be judgy, just hoping you can figure out a way to get your sleep and still give mom the care you want to give her.
I guess you could hire someone for those weird hours. A college student in nursing? She comes at about 11, takes care of mom and then takes care of her at 3 and goes home or wherever. It's going to cost a bit--being an overnight kind of thing--but I have heard of weirder CG schedules.
However, if mom has no problem using the depends, then let her sleep and hope for the best. Using a lot of pads on the bed and some extra ones in the depends might give you the coverage you need.
For me (and I think a LOT of other people)--when my LO becomes incontinent and they are not able to handle the diaper routine--that's the signal that an ALF must come into play.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
liquids from about 1pm
but ensure drinking up to that point
Tea etc late might be adding to the problem
Not sure about long term, but check into it and see if it works for you!
You can hire a private-duty, private-pay CNA to work the hours of 11-3. You'll be able to find someone on a site like care.com and there are many aides out there who work second shift and wouldn't mind picking up a part-time job for those hours. It will cost you though. That's another possibility.
Ddd850 suggests a Purewick system. That could very well be the easy solution to your problem right there.
As for asking family and friends to help out. I think it would be unreasonable to ask a relative or friend to come over in the middle of the night and change a diaper.
Try the other suggestions. There has to be one that can work for you. If there's not then you can always consider placement in a care facility.
It's unreasonable to ask a family member or friend to come out in the middle of the night to change a diaper. That's a bit much.
Ask her dr. about it
https://www.purewickathome.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-BD_PureWick-Site/
twice a day. Loved you then ad still does 💐
Never use period pads for urine. They are not designed for this and a thick bulky pad is uncomfortable. A trimmed-down baby diaper as a liner is how to keep it dry. Those things are remarkable too. Nearly as thin as a sheet of paper, yet no matter how full they get the surface stays dry.
First, stop getting up every few hours to change the depends.
If the pull-ups are not absorbent enough, try using diapers for overnight.
And, whatever she wears, you will almost inevitably have leakage. Buy disposable underpads - you can find at any drug store, walmart and walgreens store brands are both good. There are also washable underpads, which will help protect the bed, so you are not stripping and washing bedding every day, or worry about pee-soaked mattress.
If you have not diapered an adult before, you want to start with her laying down, gently turn her away from you, on her side, place the diaper under her bum, and try to push it a little bit under her to the other side, then gently roll her to facing you so you can pull up the far side of the diaper, then with her laying on her back, fasten the diaper tabs - I like the ones with "stretch wings" to get the best fit and coverage.
Do this when she goes to bed, and see if she can sleep comfortably through the night, then remove the soaked diaper in the morning. Most diapers are designed to pull the liquid away from the skin, and they can hold quite a bit.
Also, if you can limit her fluid intake after, say, 7 pm, that will help.
If only I could count on not being awakened every night ....sigh.....the LAST thing that I would do is set an alarm to put my mother on the toilet.
Peace.
Instead, put a full size WASHABLE pads (or two) right under the sheet.
You can wash this as needed (daily) and get 2-3 so you can change them as needed and not run out.
From my point of view ...
There is absolutely NO need to wake her up - or yourself - for this need.
Unless I am missing part of the situation / concern. If she doesn't try / get up at night ... why not let her sleep? Why do you feel a need to change them 'immediately' ?
I presume most people (certainly facilities / nursing homes) wait until the morning to manage hygiene needs.
If you are concerned about chapping, read this:
Prevention
Preventing chafing is relatively simple, though it takes time and requires frequent attention.
It may be difficult to prevent completely if you regularly participate in activities that cause chafing. But there are still steps you can take to reduce its severity and keep it from getting worse. The following are some methods you can use to help prevent chafing.
Deodorant
Apply a thin layer of deodorant to the area before beginning the activity.
For example, if you often experience chafing along your inner thighs when wearing a skirt, apply a thin layer of deodorant to your thighs before leaving the house.
Lubricant
Creams, oils, and powders can provide a layer of protection and reduce friction. You’re less likely to chafe if the skin can glide smoothly. Powder may be less effective than lotion. That’s because it can clump and make chafing worse.
Moisture-wicking clothing
Materials like cotton retain sweat and moisture and keep your skin damp. This dampness increases your risk of friction and chafing.
Wear clothes that “breathe” and let the sweat evaporate off your skin, especially while exercising. Running tights and other sport-specific clothing can protect skin when you’re active. You can also wear bike shorts underneath a skirt to prevent thigh skin from rubbing together.
Properly fitting clothes
Clothes that are too big can move a lot and chafe skin by continually rubbing.
The best treatment for chafing is prevention. Even with the best prevention methods in place, however, it’s still possible to experience chafing. In those cases, dry off the area, stop the activity that led to chafing as quickly as possible, and apply lotion or petroleum jelly to help soothe and protect the affected skin. Chafing should heal within a couple days.
If the area seems overly irritated or is showing signs of infection, see your doctor.
Gena / Touch Matter
It took me several years to figure this out through trial and error - but it works for us:
-EgoSan pullup briefs (available on Amazon). They're pricier than Depends but you need to change them much less often plus they rarely leak (even with bowel incontinence). (Depends are useless IMO.)
-For extra protection we also add to his Egosan brief a Tena Overnight extra coverage pad every time we change him. (available on Amazon). This really helps!
-Washable large waterproof bed pads. Saves your mattress and bedding. (amazon).
Your loved one should be able to sleep comfortably through the entire night with this combination. Give it a try and get a good night's sleep. Your loved one's bedding will usually be 100% dry in the mornings, with a few minor exceptions.
Hopes this combo works for you.
I couldn't take it any longer. I eventually got her placed but it was through the government. We all know how long that process can take. To top it off, my father acted like a jerk the entire time including getting married and didn't bother about telling me. He was enjoying a new marriage while I'm left struggling with his disabled daughter.
It’s involuntary! Babies can’t control their bladder and neither can older people!
This is not any way to live, long term. The mental health issues alone …
Thinking of you.
When I've had to be FT CG for my DH who has had several really severe health issues--I have not slept well. Each time, after a few weeks with him being demanding and a terrible patient, I would wind up with a days-long migraine--when all I needed was to SLEEP.
Your mom is wearing depends at night so you DON'T HAVE TO GET UP. You're essentially letting her ruin your sleep b/c, why? Is she upset about being in depends at this stage of the game? Or are you more bothered by it?
Not trying to be judgy, just hoping you can figure out a way to get your sleep and still give mom the care you want to give her.
I guess you could hire someone for those weird hours. A college student in nursing? She comes at about 11, takes care of mom and then takes care of her at 3 and goes home or wherever. It's going to cost a bit--being an overnight kind of thing--but I have heard of weirder CG schedules.
However, if mom has no problem using the depends, then let her sleep and hope for the best. Using a lot of pads on the bed and some extra ones in the depends might give you the coverage you need.
For me (and I think a LOT of other people)--when my LO becomes incontinent and they are not able to handle the diaper routine--that's the signal that an ALF must come into play.