My 88 year old mother had a TBI 65 years ago, causing her to have no empathy center. She is self absorbed and makes unreasonable demands on a regular basis . My entire extended family attests to this. Now she has dementia and has lost short term memory. I have many concerns, but these are 3 main hygiene issues. 1. She won't bathe. She says she's too tired and that she bathed a few times this week, which of course she didn't. She refuses showers and always has..she will only bathe. She won't hear about the risk of a UTI. Her Dr. tried to talk to her about it, but she doesn't remember. She is not incontinent and she does not have body odor...yet, but I know she is not clean. 2. She wears the same clothes and pajamas almost every day and I can rarely get her to change or launder them. Again, she says that she did laundry this week and that I am stupid for saying that she doesn't wash her clothes. In her mind, she did I guess. I am sometimes able to sneak her clothes to the washer but she still wears the same clothes everyday. 3. Most of the time she does not use toothpaste when brushing her teeth. I gently told her that this will cause her teeth to decay and that fillings and crowns are expensive and painful. I've also tried various toothpastes. Again, she tells me that I am "stupid" for saying that brushing without toothpaste can cause decay. Every time I make a dental appointment, she cancels or refuses to go because she is tired. I don't raise my voice or tell her that she is wrong....I know that it only intensifies her resolve and causes outbursts. She is not incontinent and she does not have body odor, but she is not clean. Anyone have success battling these types of issues?
The doctor spoke ( in private ) with my mother who “ did not want to be told what to do by her daughter “ . Then the doctor spoke with me and told me to place my mother in a facility . The doctor told me my mother viewed me as a child and would never listen to me . The doctor told me some people with dementia can not be taken care of by family because they won’t listen to family . This will only get worse once she’s incontinent . She will be telling you she’s dry when she isn’t . Place her before that happens . She needs to get used to the staff helping her . Know that your mother is not going to be happy about it .
You say your mother is making unreasonable demands on a regular basis , calls you stupid etc . This will affect you negatively . Place your mother . Dementia is ruining your mother , don’t let it ruin you too . You matter too .
Sadly she now needs a medical team to walk her though all activities of daily living.
This may be the time for the family to get together and to decide if placement where there are several shifts with several people each may be the best option. Sometimes placement is the best option near the end.