My brother now interprets his POA as being able to dictate as to when I can see and talk to my mother. He will not allow me to visit with my mother in private. He has threatened me with criminal proceedings if I visit my mother and upset her. He refuses to allow the employees of the home she lives in to let me or my sons visit with her without his knowledge. She cannot call me and I cannot visit her in private. If she were to go into the hospital, no one could tell me except my brother. My mother was my best friend for 60+ years. We talked every day. We traveled extensively together and laughed till we were out of control. My brother has taken this all away and I am dying slowly along with having the loss of my mother while she is still alive. Am I crazy?
No one can "take away" a POA. Your mother would have had to sign a new document to do that, in front of a notary. If she was in a mental institution at the time it is possible that she was not really competent to sign it, and you could contest it on that basis. But that would depend on her cognitive state at the time. Just being in a mental institution would not be enough to prove that brother coerced her.
The POA does not have the authority to make the decisions about who can visit and the circumstances of the visit. The Medical POA (healthcare proxy) does have that authority. Does your brother have that, too?
If you visit your mother, she may get upset for any number of reasons. She may react to something you say, or just to seeing you because she misses you so much, or because she can't quite reconcile the mental picture she has of her daughter (at age 10) with the person she sees now. Many reasons are not under your control. You do nothing to upset her -- her mental condition is upsetting.
I think at this point you need to see an attorney specializing in Elder Law, and learn what your legal options are. Perhaps the lawyer can determine if your brother has a legitimate Medical POA, and also contact the facility and encourage them to allow your visits. This will be an expense, but I really think it is worthwhile to resolve this issue. If you and Mom were so close for all those years, she is probably missing you something terrible, even if she cannot articulate that now.
But meanwhile I forgot to say first that I strongly agree with Jeanne in her sympathy for your situation. It must be extremely painful for you, and I am sorry for that. Are you still able to visit your mother under supervision?
On the other hand, if your brother sought guardianship of your mother, you and mother would have received notification that brother was asking a judge to make him guardian. You would have had an opportunity to protest and ask that guardianship be given to you instead. I think this is what was meant by telling more of what happened.
I hope you are able to visit with your mother often and that your visits are a comfort to you both.
I can't help feeling you've skipped a few essential points.
Anne, I am really sorry that you have this unhappy family history and that it has never been possible to resolve it. But we can't offer practical suggestions about what might help you if we don't know what's going on.
The "perhaps she was notified" comment was in answer to Jeanne's point that your brother could not have pursued guardianship of your mother without your being told about it, that's all.