My relative has had several falls, fractures, EMS calls, rehab & hospital stays. Has been told ‘not to live alone.' My relative is not in agreement with that decision. They return to their environment & repeat the incidents. I live in another state. What, if anything, can I do?
Often the choices are things like;
- rehab vs home, or
- home alone vs home with help
(obtaining home services, meal deliveries, paid aides etc)
Change is hard.
Many people avoid it. Have denial.
Say "I'll manage" & "It will be fine".
Some have real reasons that prevent understanding change is required - they lack insight to their situation.
Is that suspected here? Does the relative have any brain injuries or brain changes effecting cognition?
My LO can say 'I don't need help' followed immediately by orders to 'I need xyz'. Had said 'I don't need an alarm for falls'. Yet frequently fell & couldn't get self up. Lack of insight the Doctor said.
What can you do?
* Depends on who has legal authority / decision making. One of the bottom lines may be "who has legal authority to make decisions for a person(s) when they do not have the cognitive abilities to care for themselves
and then
who is / will take this on this responsibility?
* Depends on if your relative is diagnosed with dementia - language from an MD indicating they are unable, cognitively, to care for themselves.
* They could be made a ward of the state - perhaps (check).
* If you / someone / family has legal authority, move them closer to that person.
Of course, they will not want to move - or change in most ways; they will dig their feet in the ground to maintain their position - due to fears of losing independence, and fears of the unknown, coupled with confusion due to cognitive brain changes.
* You might want to contact APS (Adult Protective Services) to make a home check and see what that reveals.
If I were you, I would check on the legal requirements of a hospital or rehab facility in allowing a person to leave their care if they do not have the care 'at home' or wherever they go upon leaving.
If they are legally allowed to return home wherein this behavior will likely repeat itself, there will come a time when they won't be able to return home. If no one is legally responsible for them / their welfare, then they will make their own decisions and suffer the consequences.
Gena / Touch Matters
You
My uncle was the same way as your relative. The last fall he broke his back, had surgery, plateaued in rehab and is now in Long Term Care.
I feel for everyone involved because it is so stressful and no one wants to see a loved one unhappy. But, it is not you that can fix or change your relatives decision.
Good luck.
Whoever is telling him he should not be living alone should be telling the SW that he cannot be discharged.
If they feel that the person is in danger to self for self neglect they may suggest state guardianship for examination and evaluation and for perhaps guardianship of the state court appointed fiduciary to manage and place.
I would not myself become overly involved. You are not (or do not say you are) the POA. That's to my mind at this point a GOOD THING because being POA for someone uncooperative and in denial is a nightmare that is a training going nowhere.
You seem to be the next of kin, and the one being called?
So next call refer to a Social Worker at the hospital, give the information you just gave us, tell the social worker that there's nothing you can do about this and suggest state guardianship.
Should APS and the state refuse guardianship then perhaps this elder will die at home after a fall and an inability to get help. At 81 myself and an ex retired RN I am here to tell you that's perhaps an option. We all will go. Your relative would perhaps go on his/her own, in his/her own home than face down dying slowly in care. I have come to the conclusion we live way too long, and at the end there is no quality whatsoever to those lives.
Best of luck to you.
I hope you will not take the responsibility for this.
You didn't cause it and can't fix it.
"My brother had a fall & has been in either rehab or hospital for the past 3-4 months. He can no longer live alone,but has difficulty accepting that."
So is he currently in rehab/hospital? If so then you can contact a social worker in the facility where he's in and have a discussion about court-assigned guardianship and placement into LTC. He is an unsafe discharge and as long as no one goes to take him home, and he can't get himself home, he'll stay put. If you insert yourself more than this, he will get the idea that he can/will go home. The best thing is to refer him to social services and then step away until he is placed.
Thank you for the information. I’m so confused.
It's difficult to witness these poor decisions made by loved ones, knowing there's a better answer out there: hire help. Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.