Brief History: My mother and I are estranged due to abuse as a child. We have had contact on and off over the years but due to her untreated mental health issues she has been unable to be a consistent part of my life since I was 12.
Current Day: My mother is recently in a post hospital rehab center after falling. She also has dementia. This care center needs me to sign my mom up for medicaid but I have no access to her personal info and financial records. Her brother, who is in a memory care center himself, has PoA and is unable to help. I live on the other side of the country and there is no other family close to her; I don't know who her friends are to ask for help from where I am across the country.
How can I sign her up if I have no access to any of her info? Is there any other way to get her signed up for Medicaid? (She does have Medicare -could the info they have help at all?)
Also, her independent living apartment center will not have her back because she can no longer live safely alone so the rehab care center told me 7 days ago that if I don't figure something out that they will have to take her to a shelter.
If she has Dementia and is now 24/7 care, its an unsafe discharge. Tell them, she will need to become a Ward of the State. That you will not be able to help from the opposite side of the country and because of the abuse. They will need to apply for Medicaid and get a court order to get her financial info. Since you are estranged, you do not have that information. If they continue to harass u, call APS and report Mom as a vulnerable adult.
You cannot be held liable for Mom. Being an abused child keeps you from taking on that responsibility. I would state my case and hang up blocking your number. Then I would call APS and tell them the situation and let them handle it from that end. I may keep there number for a while and then block them too.
I live in South NJ and the last I heard we had no shelters nearby. The last I heard was Atlantic City. Research says Edison and Newark. Really, there aren't many shelters in NJ.
Contact the Ombudsman in the state of NJ and tell then the facility threaten you with dumping your mother to a shelter when it is an unsafe discharge. They should be investigated for threatening behavior and endangering the safety of an elderly person.
It will be endless and hopeless and you might as well book constant flights right now.
You haven't been involved. Keep it that way.
Tell any who call you that:
1. I am estranged from my mother because of her mental issues.
2. I cannot/will not function for my mother in any way BECAUSE I am
A) physically unable
B) Mentally unable
C) Intellectually incapable
D) Make up a bunch more.
3. I will not be involved in getting my mother's assets together and have ZERO idea what they are and her brother POA is incapacitated so my mother will require guardianship of her state.
Wish them good luck.
No one can force you to act for a parent.
Attempting to act to an uncooperative elder is asking the IMPOSSIBLE.
Stay around the Forum and read if you need a dip into the world of aging with dementia and/or mental illness.
Lastly order from Amazon TODAY a copy of Liz Scheier's book Never Simple.
Ms. S tried to help her mother for many decades and she was clever and bright enough to access the full help of the city and state of New York Social service's safety net.
ALL TO NO AVAIL.
You need to know that your help will be hopeless, unappreciated, fought, and not as good ultimately as the help of a court appointed Fiduciary.
Sorry. Those are the sad facts.
You can choose to try another way, but I caution you: IF you take on guardianship the only way you can resign it is through the court and the court will not let you resign even IF you are physically and mentally ill.
Not everything can be fixed. That's Dr. Laura's mantra. And it has long been mine.
And you let them know that your mother is an "unsafe discharge" (yes, use those exact words over and over if necessary)which will force the social worker at the rehab to do their job and get your mother placed in the appropriate facility pending Medicaid.
You have no power if you are not PoA or there in person. I'm sorry for this distressing situation.
I would assume the rehab has experience with other patients who have no relatives at all who need to be enrolled in Medicaid. They seem to be wanting you to do THEIR job. I would advise them you’ve been estranged for many years due to abuse and unfortunately cannot help them, beyond perhaps giving them the name and address of the brother with POA in the memory care center, and the address of the independent living place she was in, etc.