My spouse doesn’t seem to know she has vascular dementia, though she thinks something is wrong. I’m not sure if she was ever told or if she just has forgotten. She has a psychiatrist. Should I ask him to tell her? It might reassure her that she’s not crazy, or it may cause deep depression.
This is such a painful diagnosis for you and your spouse. I am sorry for the pain. May I ask why you need to tell her specifically the diagnosis? You say that she knows something is wrong. Is it upsetting her not to have a diagnosis?
I guess a lot depends on the severity of her condition as to whether she will be able to remember "vascular dementia" as the cause of her troubles.
Another approach could be to address whatever concerns her at the moment. Instead of giving her a broad diagnosis when she realizes she cannot remember simple things (for instance) you could say that it is a part of the problem that she has been seeing the doctor for. If you think dementia is a word that would cause her to be depressed, you can refer to the "vascular " problem she has.
But really, sometimes straightforward and honest is the best approach.
She may become sad with the diagnosis and explanation. But that is her right. It is happening to her and she has a right to react in whatever way she needs to.
Knowledge is power-and giving her the knowledge is in a way showing her the respect I am sure you feel she deserves. Of course, it can be done on a "good day" with all the love and support that you can bring together for the both of you.
Best of luck,
Margaret
Not to anatomy exam standard or anything, you understand - more like here's your heart, this is in, this is out, this chamber is flabby and horrible, that's why the out isn't working so... here's your brain, etc. etc.
The good thing about doing it this way is you're not sticking a label on her as a person - you're looking at a part of the body, thinking about how it works, and explaining why it isn't working or what has happened to it.
Um. Not to depress YOU instead, but if your wife does go into a deep depression it will be because of the vascular dementia and not because of anything you've said to her. That is something to be on the alert for, I'm sorry; but at least you'll be able to get it addressed early on should you spot it.
Also not to depress you, but no matter how well you explain your wife will not retain all the information and will continue to ask. All you can do is continue to reassure, and continue to explain as much as you judge she wants to know.
My my mom was diagnosed with the beginning of dementia at an evaluation at least 10 years ago. That was the first and last time we ever used the word dementia around her. If issues came up we just said she was forgetful. I don’t want to scare her or take away her hope. Even now she sometimes says she feels stupid because she can’t remeber things, and I just tell her that everybody forgets stuff. What would be the point of telling her it’s the dementia.
I don’t know how the vascular dementia exhibits, but If your wife’s behaviors are worrying her, however, maybe you could try the therapeutic fib?