My Step Mom lives in the dark. Has anyone else run into this problem?

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My Step Mom lives in the dark. Has anyone else run into this problem?

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My Step Mom (91) has an apartment at an Assisted Living. The light is very poor in her apartment and she never turns on the overhead lights. She may use a small lamp next to her recliner. Any time I have visited her, I can barely see her from across the room.
Is there any thing wrong with her eyes? She has regular eye exams that don't reveal anything. Has anyone else run in to this?

Assisted Living Low Vision Senior Housing

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This is my dad. When I was visiting AL pre-COVID I'd walk into his apartment and it would dark like a cave. I'd turn on a light and he'd tell me to turn it off. It's funny because I remember years ago visiting my grandparents, his parents, and they also sat in the dark in their later years. It's what he likes so I can't argue with it!

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Hi. My grandmother lives with us. She is 94 and does not turn the lights on. I catch her reading in the dark all the time. I haven't asked her but it just seems they like it like that. I don't force the issue as she has dementia. If your Step mom likes it like that it's okay. It won't hurt her eyes at 91.

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I feel the same way. If they like the dark, so be it. Not a big deal at all.

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Remember those ‘clapper’ commercials? Is that thing still around? I remember they had an old lady clapping the lights on and off in that ad.

I think our local PBS channel did a special once on vintage commercials. It was pretty funny!

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Yes, The "clapper" is still around. I saw an ad for it not long ago. Had one once. Sometimes worked. Sometimes didn't. Never could figure out the reason for either one.

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My mom is 91 as well. It can be a thrift thing. She was born during the the depression and then WWII came along, with the rationing. Electricity used to be more expensive. She frets if she can’t turn off lights that are left on in unoccupied rooms. It drives her crazy if I leave the lights on in the kitchen if we’re not in there doing something! I’ve finally gotten her to routinely turn on the table lamp when reading and not turn off the kitchen table light when I’m cleaning up the dishes. Her prior home faced north/south and it was like a cave in there sometimes, even on a bright day.

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Imho, my mother was the polar opposite of this as she was legally blind. I since have spoken with aging people, e.g. one being my daughter's mother in law, who does have Macular Degeneration also. She has verbalized "I need a lot of light." My mother adapted very well, as she knew where every item was in her house and she LIVED ALONE until 93 years of age.
I have never experienced any elder who perfers darkness. Prayers sent.

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Can only ditto what others have said. Thought it was only my Mom, but it looks like it is quite common. She couldn't even stand a night night left in her ensuite. She didn't have any eyesight problems other than old age, and I always want the brightest lights you can get all over. Because they have problems we don't experience I just went with it for her. Worried about her getting up in less light or darkness but got her a lamp with a remote and that worked well for lighting when she would get up.

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Sensitivity to glare increases significantly with old people. Due to light dispersion on the cornea, the lens and in the glass body, a light veil covers the retina, which is why older people are usually irritated by excessively bright surfaces.

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My experience has been that older adults (80+) prefer their rooms to be dark. Maybe sunlight is too stimulating.

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My elderly mom says that the light bothers her eyes. She wants all lights off and in the daytime she wants the curtains shut. She is happy that it’s dark. She makes me very depressed but there is nothing I can do. Otherwise she is very unhappy.

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I'd like to suggest a couple possibilities:
1) She might be so familiar with the location of everything that she doesn't need much light to see it sharply. I walk around where I'm living, only turning on the light when I plan to read or do close work.
2) As people get older, light has an effect on "visual purple" in the retina of the eye, making it much more difficult to see after the light has been turned off. If I get up at night, the light coming in through the window from streetlights, etc. is sufficient for me to "navigate". If a light has been turned on (such as when I'm getting ready to go to bed), I can't even see the windows for a while after turning off the light.

Regarding flushing the toilet, there are programs in many areas encouraging the reduction of water being used, so the poem "if it's yellow let it mellow" may be guiding the thinking rather than the water bill.

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My 96 yr old Dad had cataracts before and light hurts his eyes.
your mom's eyes have probaby just gotten use to the dark and her eyes are now sensitive to the light..

My Dad Seems to only want light on is if he's eating and then he wants his hat on.

You might try torchier lamps that have shades going up so light shines up and not down.

She is use to no light so start small, by adding Night Lights in every single room.

Crack all blinds open just a tad so a little outside light will come thru during the day.

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We put motion sensors in outlets so it was easier to see the floor at night when you got up. Interesting that my folks first bought more intense lighting as they got older and then went to shutting out natural lighting and fewer lights.

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My mom kept things dark and couldn't see very well anyway - but she lived alone and kept everything in exactly the same place and had lived that way for so long that she had memorized where everything was, so for most of the time she didn't need to see that clearly.
Plus I think that wanting to avoid having to change lightbulbs, which she couldn't do by herself, was a major factor too.

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Next time you are there replace all light bulbs you ca with LED bulbs. These provide a brighter more clear light.
Any lights you can can also be fitted with a timer. (Lots of them now because people use them for holiday lighting)
Set the timers to go one at whatever time she gets up and go off when she goes to bed.
Change overhead lighting to LED as well. if they are the tube fluorescent they also come in LED.
Since she is in AL can you ask the staff to turn the overhead lights on in the morning and off at night?
There are many times when I look up and realize that the only light that I have on in the house is the one by the couch and it has gotten dark outside and other than the little area by the couch the whole house is dark.
And if Step Mom is watching TV she also may not realize how dark the room is.

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My Dad changed over all the light bulbs to LED and was bragging on how much money he will save after a few years [that was when the LED bulbs were very costly to purchase].

Well, Mom said she felt chilled even though the temp was at THEIR normal level [which was 78-80 in winter].... turns out the old fashioned light bulbs gave off heat. Thus, Dad needed to turn UP the heat. There went his savings.

I am the opposite, I stocked piled the old fashioned light bulbs, and I have regular night lights everywhere. One can get up in the middle of the night and roam the house without turning on a light :)

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My mother does this, in her mind the power bill is too high. She shuts off her lamp next to her recliner and sits in the dark. Probably a habit learned from her parents.

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My mother-in-law does this too. She has even been known to unplug night lights for the same reason. We've tried to explain to her that they are LED lights and don't use as much electricity, but she has MCI and doesn't seem to "get it".

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She probably thinks that the light near her recliner is "enough." Many older folks have a depression era mindset - re-use everything, and try not to use electricity (worry about the bills). If her eyesight tests fine and she is not suffering from depression or dementia, it is only her habit. Turn on more lights when you are there.

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It might be depression. Sometimes when elderly get depressed, they want to sit in a dark room. My dad wants the light off constantly. Darkness also calms them, I think.
She may have eyes that have aged, but most likely she could be depressed or just wants a calm atmosphere.
This is very typical of the elderly.

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Overhead lightbulbs can be a pain to change. Standing lamps have bulbs within easy reach and therefore can cause less stress. Plus they don't take up limited tabletop space.

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My mom never wanted the ceiling light on, I think it bothered her eyes. She only used a side lamp and dad just used a computer lamp. At 97 dad uses the computer to watch movies, read the news and read emails. Mom has now passed.

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I don't know. Maybe like myownlife said, she forgets, Or, maybe the light hurts her eyes. I think if she had cateracts, they cast a shadow over everything she would need the light to see. So, I doubt it is that. Maybe she is ok the way things are.

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Does she have dementia? She may not think to turn lights on and/or forget where they are or how to do it. If she is in assisted living, cannot someone come in and turn them on?

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Is this a new thing? Did she keep her home dark too?
If it's a new behavior it could be because she can't operate the switches for the lamps anymore. Old fingers are less mobile and lose feeling at the ends, so those little things that have to be twisted to turn the light on are impossible!
Or, when the natural light fades at the end of the day it may just be too difficult to get up and flip the switch on the wall. Does she have trouble standing after being seated a while?
If she's in the light of her lamp when the sun goes down she may not realize the rest of the room got very dark.
It could also be that she just doesn't think of turning the lights on anymore and needs to be reminded.
You may want to try putting timers on a couple lamps so she doesn't have to do anything to have light.
They also have remote controls for outlets. Plug the device into an outlet and plug a lamp into the device. A remote control at her chair let's her simply push a button to turn the light on. These are inexpensive and easy. The remote has a keychain ring attached which we pinned to Dad's recliner arm after he dropped it several times.
Your mentioned she's been to the eye doctor and no issues were found. That's good! Did they check to see if bright lights bother her eyes? Light sensitivity can be the culprit. If that's the case indirect lighting can help, like a floor lamp that shines upward or a table lamp placed so Mom has no view of the bare bulb from where she sits
A desk lamp can be adjusted to shine to the wall so the room is illuminated.
Trying to understand why she sits in the dark can be hard. She may not want to admit to any of the reasons I've mentioned. Or she really may not know! But a dimly lit apartment is a dangerous place for the elderly. She could become dis-oriented in the dark if she walks toward the bathroom, or she may not be able to see trip hazards.
Best of luck to you!

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Lots of good explanations for failure to turn on lights. I thought of my parents who were so used to living frugally that, even when financially well off, never wanted any more light than they thought absolutely essential.
Always thinking about the electric bill!

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anereus, walking into my parents' house was like walking into a cave. My Mom kept the side of the house where the sun would shine in totally closed up. Her reasoning was so the sun wouldn't fade the rug nor the furniture. Yep, their 40 year old sofa had no fade marks :P

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If she likes it dark more power to her.

I like my rooms the same way.

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Me too! My husband calls me a mole! haha! I also don’t turn on lights at night if I get up to use the restroom or get water from the kitchen. I can see just fine in the dark! 😅

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Mother keeps her place quite dark, with heavy drapes and blinds at the windows. The brightest light bulb she'll use is probably a 25 watt.

Her vision is checked regularly, she's fine in that dept...I think she thinks she saving tons of money. Also, if the place is dark, you can't see how grimy it is.

It's not enough of a problem that we even bring it up.

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It's likely a problem for YOU but not for HER! That's what I've found with my own mother (94 in Jan) who lives in Memory Care AL. The things I worry about she does not. The things she worries about I do not. Unless she's falling, complaining about not being able to see, or telling you there's a specific & worrisome reason for her living in low lighting conditions, just let it go. I would. We've already got ENOUGH to worry about as it is with these elders!!

Good luck!

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SO TRUE!
My 90 yo mom lives with us. In her old independent apartment, she had big windows and only shears because she likes natural light. The windows in her room here are not as big or as many, but I open the blinds every morning. She always likes the lights off unless she's working at her desk or reading. She likes the lights off whether it's day or night. After the sun goes down, she has one small lamp that points down and away that she wants on. That's it.

Honestly, my mom is so high maintenance and demanding that I never gave her lights off preference any thought. It's how she likes it, and it's one of the very few things I "can do" that is "right" or pleasing - I'm sure you know what I mean.

When I go in there with her and need light to do whatever, now I just flip the overhead room lights on and do what I need to do. She hardly complains, but before I can reach the door going out, she'll remind me to turn off the light. LOL.

But my mom has always been like this, I suppose. If the preference was new or a drastic change in behavior, I might be concerned.

As long as she's safe, following her safety awareness, and cared for, I'm not sweating the small stuff anymore with my demanding (narcissistic) Mom.

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It might help to get a touch lamp to replace the one by her recliner (which went wrong, naturally). They usually have a very low light level, good at night, then two more brightness levels if you touch again. It would give her some easy options, you could ask for ‘brighter’ when you visit, and it should make it easier to read – even to see the things you probably bring in for her.

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Did she grow up in a family that initially may not have had electricity, or central heat, or the conveniences we have today?   Was her family poor?    Food scarce? Does she remember the Great Depression and how they had to conserve, scrimp and save?

I think this can be a reflection of childhood memories when funds were short, conveniences were scarce, and children grew up with conservation in mind.    This can also apply to things like saving string, reusing cardboard and other commodities.

Using more light meant using more electricity, and if they weren't getting enough financial support, those luxuries were compromised.

I remember my mother telling me that during the Depression, she had to study by lamplight. I don't know if it was that they didn't have electricity, or it was too expensive.

Dad said they heated with a wood stove, there was no central heating, and they heated up bricks on the wood stove to put at the end of the bed to keep their feet warm.    I'm not sure how they did this w/o touching the bricks, but it was clearly an emotional experience for him so I didn't ask.

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Before moving to Memory Care, my mother was CONVINCED that someone was looking in at her. So, all the blinds were drawn.
No matter how many times I explained that she didn’t have a water bill in her apartment, she was convinced that she should not flush, in order to save money.
Maybe something like either one of these?
These haven’t changed since moving into MC, despite anti-anxiety medications.
Colleen

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Have you asked her? Does she make any complaint. If her eye exam was thorough and comes out be be no issues of cataracts and glare, nor any macular degeneration I wouldn't worry about it. Ask her about why she likes it. She may tell you "more cozy" or whatever.

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My Step Mom lives in the dark. Has anyone else run into this problem?

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